Hillcrest

TS got a job at a bowling alley, telling MR and I that they were still hiring, we got jobs there. What a pit! Ah, the job. We had the illustrious job of "porters", which was do-whatever-menial-job-there-was. Because of a limited level law at that time, the owner Schmitt could pay us less than minimum wage because we were students. I never did read this small ruling in its entirety, but suffice to say that since we were fully time students, he could pay us 15% less. He also made it great defying the curfew rules and times allowed for enrolled and attending high school students. One some evenings, we worked until 2 a.m. or so.
Anyway ... the 70s decorated bowling alley was our workplace for some time. These workers are supported by two separate but equally important groups: the management who moneys tons of money and the butthead patrons who make their working necessary and aggrivating. These are their stories. [synthesized xylophone sounds]

"We need more beer from the back! Go bring it to Terry!" The scene was tragic, there were empties everywhere. Hundreds of super-cheap (it isn't any more expensive now) Miller, Bud, and Pabst bottles were sitting dead on tables, their lives drained out of them. There was no time for a proper investigation. This one died of consumption, that one of a fatal fall from a table.
Anyway, The trick throughout the evening was to take the moutain of empties and repack them into the cases, then take the cases of empties to the cooler and retrieve the fresh cold ones for the bar. That was simple enough until you found out that with a 2-wheel dolly, you generally could take only 6 cases at a time and you had other work -- always. One of us came up with a stacking strategy for taking 13 cases precariously stacked on the dolly. This was bad news if you dropped a full one. I don't think any of us did. As for the empties ... there were accidents.
Porters walked around gathering the mess from the pigs known as league bowlers, ashtrays were to be cleaned out, empty anything to be picked up, for the trashcan sitting 12' away was clearly inaccessable to the lazy. As well as the general mess, there were calls when someone didn't know how to use the scoring terminal or the machines were a bit flakey or there was "deadwood", a pin in the gutter.
Deadwood -- I remember several times running down the strip of plastic to get the pin ... "Do not touch the gutter. Do not touch the lanes" I followed these rules for two reasons: boss would throw tantrum and worse still ... the bowlers would "blame bad luck on the mariner". This would make the evening terrible for any violator like terrible in number of calls for nothing, exaggerated mess in area and verbal abuse.
Some nights were better than others, like Thursday night, you'd think would be better than Friday, but no. There was a late night league that loved peanuts. Seyfert's (TM) league, no, but the Planters (tm) made an unbelievable mess every week. You'd think they'd grow tired of peanuts. Not every lane had them, but three did and the gluttons greedily gobbled them, then dropped them onto the floor like then-restaurant Ground Round, or today's Lone Star or Logan's or Texas Roadhouse. If anyone would notice, those places have solid wood floors with a hard wax finish. You'd think that the floor to ceiling carpeting would be a clue there, but not to them.
They were one of the reasons that the porters had to be there late because they were pickled and could barely talk, let alone bowl. Many of the bowlers would chug the cheap beer (tap was especially profitable for the bar --- plastic cups of cheap draft). Many of the bowlers would finish bowling then go to the bar to drink more ... yes, please do. That sitting, waiting for your turn, really burned up calories.

As with any sevice job, I could write about the nastiness of perpetually cleaning. I never entered the fast food industry, which would have been even grimier. I can mention that when you mix old food, new food, greasy food, beer, soda (way old to fresh -- fountain tended to be more syrupy than from the can), cigarettes, cigars, oil, and cleaning chemicals; you get a wonderful toxic-level stench that churns anyone's stomach. It was foul, sweet, acidic ... road kill has a more tolerable odor. When the trash was loaded, then compacted (steps are repeated) until this lump of goo is in a bag, you had to trek through the alley to pitch it in the dumpster.
"Eeww! That's gross." "Get rid of that!" "Why do you have to bring that over here?" -- a few idiotic responses from the populace. After reaching the self-locking door, the trick was to prop it open, take the leaking bag to the dumpster and put it inside. The trash was collected on a Saturday, so on Friday, the dumpster had a week of grime. Several times I wore some of the charcoal gray puke-inducing liquid on my shirt, trying to push the bag on top of the dumpster. MR and I were working one night and I had my fill of much of anything. The bag was around 80 pounds and I didn't want to wear it. I angrily threw it up, but it completely missed the dumpster, splatting 5' from target. MR was holding the door -- we had 2 mintues until we could leave.
"Hey! Did you see those vandals?" "Vandals?" "Yeah! They messed up the trash!" MR got my anaalogy.
MR got the great eye-opening adventure of "someone made a mess in the stall". According to MR, it was fecal painting without direction. It was smeared throughout. I'm not sure if MR quit that day or not. If it wasn't that day, it was soon after.
Carpeting ... floor to floor, wall to wall. Why carpeting? It keeps the noise down, but also hoardes odors. If you think vaccuuming the floor will get rid of the smoke smell, you are wrong! Cheap Schmitt never replaces the air filters. So, one day, after 6 years of non-replacement, he was forced to replace them after a failed inspection. He shed tears about the price of the filters. The old ones were as sold as concrete, packed full of smoke, lint, dirt, dust, mess. The little ecosystem never knew it was going to be evicted.
That was also a time when they had cigarette machines. Does that make me old ... yes! I know that they had a vending sign indicating sales to minors, but that was if you bothered to read it. Anytime I got home from work --- despite the showering, I never felt or was ever really clean. Staying up til 2 working, then going to school -- not smart!
While there I met many a different character ... like Bonnie, who was a 30 some year old illiterate woman who wanted to molest me. I was naive, but smart enough to get out of it. Had I been wiser, I probably would have agreed. I know that she was illiterate because she read (MR do not elaborate on this name, please) a name as a month. She also read, minitures as, "mini-watch-es".
There was the bubble-headed bleach blonde than came on at five. She could tell you about being a virgin with a gleam in her eye. It's interesting that Schmitt finally died. (That job) gave me dirty laundry. BTW: I understand that Schmitt was a dealer and his son, more so. Hi son took over the business, the alley was an effective front, but the son I think was more open about it. The girl -- curvey, blonde, empty-headed, was hotly pursued by many, but was with one of the desk guys. His brother would have jumped on her if he thought he could have. This same guy, very rude ... would see a hot or reasonably attention-getting woman then make pounding noises under the desk, as though he were ____bating.
There was L Beaucheon who was a dippy guy who lived out north (see a later post)
Kristie, who was a 14 year-old naive little girl, who TS pursued and "got". Although there was only a four year difference in age -- the developemental and emtional difference was significant. MR found her immaturity to be laughable, such as an unfamiliarity with the term, "bought the farm", and a couple of other more typical phrases. She was 14 and should have been allowed to stay on the vine a bit longer.

to be continued

-- for clarification, in prior posts I mentioned that I met MR and TS in middle school.

age of arcades

Ah, when I was young, an arcade was a neat place to go, because the games there couldn't be put onto a PC or the TV. I had spent lots of money there -- to the many that I saw. One day I remember buying a $10 spot of tokkens and dumping them into a typical tokken eating machine.
By tokken eating machine, I mean a game where there was no practical way of playing for 20 minutes on one tokken. A neat multiplayer game was Xenophobe TM. The multiplayer function was neat, as it didn't require anyone to be on the same page at the same time. This meant that you could be in a (Spy vs Spy TM ) like room, shooting, killing and getting new weapons, while your fellows are being killed in anther room. It also meant that you could either help each other get the mission done fast, or ambush others. Throwing grenades endlessly was great fun.

While MR, TS, and ocassionally Monkeyjack were there, someone dropped some tokkens under the game. I reached down and tilted up the game. Under it I found around 10-12 tokkens, not all ours.

I thought about this for a few reasons.
1. It was an authentic multiplayer game (more so than Rampage TM)
2. It was a fun game with various switchable weapons, though you could posess only one weapon at a time
3. It was reasonable graphics with James Cameron Alien(R) like aliens
4. Nostalgia of my youth and of friends who are still around
5. The sad release of it as classic game makes me old, and the home version isn't the same

Examples of non-tokken munching games: Arkanoid (TM), as verified by ISJ; Mappy (TM) as verified by TS; Discs of Tron, as verified by many; etc.

Biggest offender of the tokken eating -- Gauntlet (TM)

Art festival follies

Mastodons
Moscow cows
Chicago Cows
Cow parade


I like art and those are Art,

more so than: this crap, or Chris Ofili, or Andres Serrano.

It may be said that I don't know Art, but that would be wrong. Take a good hard look at modern art and tell or write to me that it makes sense or is worth any tax dollars. I wouldn't donate to a Museum that happily hosted those things!

due course in normalcy

W T F? What do you mean you'd do anything with the egg for a dollar? I'm, uh, not buying.

How do you properly introduce yourself to a person, battle Apartheid in Africe (South Africe where union of the factions was somewhat successful, though very traumatic and painful). Okay, sit on the egg for a dollar.
[squat, splat, ew] That was flatteringly funny.
Smash one on your head.
[clench, splash] We're all wearing it. That wasn't good.

Ah, Rob ... wearing egg on his rump and face to make money for the people. What a good man! I had some disposable income and made it disgusting ... bad man me! I think later, I challenged him to Molsen Golden on the head --- thankfully clearing some of the egg from his hair.

I was never so noble.

mentionables, but not catagoried?

Why might I have notes and notations on persons without links?
a. intenionally anonymous
`````a. anon chosen or poster (me) chosen
`````b. contributor has no known link
`````c. contributor has not authorized usage of stated item/phrase
b. intentional fraud
`````a. deception to keep person safe from legal recourse
`````b. deception to keep person from archiving/research
`````c. protecting sources, as body / material supercedes gag, but transactual immuntiy applies
`````````````1. sources, forthcoming, however limited
`````````````2. source verified, but not substaniated from original source (through 2nd hand knowledge or third party)

Outright provokation of sources, daring those reading the stuff to challenge me, data, facts, or suppositions.

Embarrassing truths ('92 and '02)

Well... It helps to fill in the background.
Monkeyjack was attending IU and I have many tales about that, but before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you this story 1
I went down to IU, one of many occasions, and Scott was having a party. I drank lots and lots and lots and lots. Cerpicio was there with his then girlfriend, but I was loud, rude and socially unacceptable 2. I had several 32 oz glasses of beer and was in no shape to talk or walk, but that didn't stop fool-hardy me. It was near Halloween and Scott and his roommates in the Nolls had a pentagram on the wall and beer to boot. ISJ arrived as a vampire or likewise undead critter, a year previous or a year later he came with a Duke jacket and was thereby accosted. Monkeyjack had a mummy costume. I was dressed as a wino--torn jeans, torn t-shirt, trench coat. Throughout the evening I drink nearly as often as I breathed. Because of that I was ... Dare I saw... drunk I was extremely drunk, so much so that the evening was patched together with bits I remember and large and long blank spaces.
I guess my clothing was ... hot or bothersome, for I cast it over the locked fence to the pool and was becoming more and more bare as the night entered. At some point in time I woke in the evening and found a strange grey and black striped thick shirt/sweater inside-out on me and newly gray stained undies. W T F? I was hungover unlike any other time in my life where breathing was a burden, thinking a chore, and moving an impossibility. I sat up through reflex, though my head pounded like a bulged tire on a highway (thumpity, thumpity, thumpity). I gagged, for what that was worth ... I spent at least 70 minutes puking that evening, sadly, not in a row.
I do remember flashes of the mud belly-flop king who, like gladiators of Rome awaited the crowds.
"Only the cheers of the crowd to goad him on" 3. He would wait; time it; then plunge into the 4 cm mud puddle to the great cheering crowd. Not bad -- Oct 20 something, 34 degrees and mud jumping.
Not to be outdone, I guess, I eventually ran out of stripper layers and had shoes and trench coat. With this mighty Captain no-underpants, I unfurled my cape, as it was and ran around the balcony streaking to the crowds cheering and delight!
I remember being at Scott's Nolls apartment at Bloomington, then drinking, drinking, drinking from 32oz glasses as was the norm for fast food to dispense plastic reusable glasses at that time. I'm a nerd/geek ... I still have some.
I remember Cerpicio with his girlfriend, cute as a button -- meaning, youthful-looking, and remarking to him that he ought to kiss her -- stated though he forgot his hearing aid, which he doesn't' have.
Loud -- no, a thunderstorm is loud. You are are deafening like the aggregate of all documented storms and natural disasters together. You don't hide your drunkenness at all. Your slurring and British accent fallback belie any attempt at seriousness or normalcy. -- suits me to a "t"
I remember giving beer both from the cup and from my mouth to the lovely dirt that was the unkempt fall/winter courtyard of the Nolls. I remember seeing a white square beast (dryer) hauled into the courtyard for no reason.
I remember flashes now of pitch over a fence ... the items, unclear. I remember opening a door and yucking out the open door of a car.
I guess I handed the keys over to some one early one ... good thing too, as I was drunk beyond comprehension and that my pants later adorned the frozen public pool of the Nolls. Darren, I think, drove. Interesting that he later was (Monkey drunk party) filled the sofa with puke, broke it and at Ball State took up IV drugs. This, then sober, person drove my car back to the dorms. We had a bit of a hike over around the stadium. I guess I was the only one in the car who remembered how to get back.
I took a detour, that no one, at that time, understood. I directed something like, "left, right, left, go ... left. Stop" Whereupon I opened the door and I puked onto pavement, not my car. ISJ leapt out and started talking "a mile a minute" ...
"Someone's coming to come out here and say, '_hit'", only it won't be _hit, it'll be puke ..." They corralled ISJ and got him back to the car so that we could get back to the room. ISJ, when drinking goes into, "I love you man" mode, proclaiming that he's going to write a book about the lot of us.

Seeing women on the TV -- lingerie models, states loudly, "Why do thy make women like that?"
*later I will elaborate on this statement
I understand that ISJ found my undies and had me don them for everyone.
I was hating existence on that fine, sunny Sunday, fairly warm, but a 3 hour trip back, stopping in Muncie to drop off ISJ. I couldn't drive as the dehydration was so intense that my swallowing was painful and vision was still a bit off kilter.
With all of this, we survived. ISJ drove to Muncie (BSU) and he and Darren called it a weekend. I drove back to my city and tried to recover. I thankfully didn't have to work until Monday afternoon, but I was still in a world of hurt.

Streaking, IU ... sad, but done, or was it.

One decade later (10.6 years) I am at Germanfest in my town/city and Cerpicio and I are walking about getting free beer from many people, pitchers, glasses, tickets. ... we started out with a pitcher like fools, not knowing that we'd get 3.5 pitchers free. We gave out our beer as well, as we called it an evening early.

A guy approached us ... I was, say 20 pounds heavier and sporting a goatee. He asked, "are you the streaker of IU". I completely reddened, confirming his suspicion. I was dressed differently, facial hair, fatter/heavier ... how in the ____ could he pick me out of a line up let alone out of 1000 people?

Moral: be very, very, very careful in what you do at all times.



1 Thanks to Dav Pilkey
2 Thanks to Steve Martin
3 paraphrased or direct quote from Conan the Barbarian after his 3 battle; narrated by Mako

tap, tap, tap

Mr. H. Ben spit on [another child's name].
Okay, the better question is, why?

I got a chance to speak a few sentences to his mother before I left today .... she seemed none-too-amused. Go figure!

Video Pursuit and Fame

You feel it! You dance! You live!

This kid really rocks!!
---
I was looking for a couple of videos. Mostly, I found crud. I supposed that I was inspired by some channel (I think Spike TV) had a top 5 videos, including exploding whale. Now that is a great video. Ill-equipped group charged with too-large of project.

Fudge Boat

circa 1994
a colaborative idea from J Savage and myself, spawned after he returned from living in Chicago, IL. He told me he was surprised to see a billboard for a gay cruise line. I can think of no place in conservative little Indiana where that would go. From this, he coined, "Fudge Boat", which in turned spawned the following ideas:
a new TV show called "the Fudge Boat" starring;
Captain Stupid, "I don't have no fags on my boat" -- plainly in stupid deny or ready-for-politics-stupid, Doctor ____er, Yeoman-Purser Gopher Smith, who goes for anything, and let's not forget the mermaids, who would be drag queens.

In any episode, you'd have the captain in foreground talking about something, "not realizing" that the grecko-style wrestling in the background wasn't really what was happening. There would be the "life savers pumping up".

"Hey, what are they doing?"
"They're inflating the life vests ... yeah, that's what their doing."

After that ... the commentary goes beyond the scope of this blog. What was written above was rude enough.
+++++
I'm surprised too that they would advertise like that, but it makes sense. Why not have a cruise liner where people didn't have to hide or lie about it. I'd be better for everyone, as there would be no confusion. If memory serves me well, Cuba Gooding, Jr. was in a Boat Trip movie also ... though, not playing a gay patron. As AMC is airing James Bond movies, still, I saw Roger Moore. He's in the Boat Trip, playing a gay passenger. I understand that there was almost a rumor, unsubstantiated, that he was ... uh, light on his toes.

Valentine's Day Macabre

Imagine if you will, a place without time, without reason, without end. You're now entering, the Valentine's Zone. The folks were going to have a quiet little Valentine's dinner for two, when my sister called needing drivers and to drop off the folk's car she borrowed for a bit.
We picked up her car at Enterprise Car Rental (they sell their cars too). After some more paperwork, it was her's. The plan: eat someplace then pick up my neice's car at another lot as it was partially repaired. My sister DF noticed that the tank was almost empty. She was afraid that she wouldn't make it to a gas station, so she called Enterprise. The manager there was shocked that it wasn't full. So was I since she had paid for it earlier, therefore they knew it was sold. The manager drove to the restaurant, drove the car to the gas station and dropped off the keys to my sister.
Wacky! It was nice that he did that, but it's odd that it had no gas.
Anyway, I left with my sister and picked up my niece's car. It shimmied a bit at low speeds and maxed out on performance and agility at 60 mph. To get back faster, we took the highway/interstate, which there I believe is Ronald Reagan Expressway. We got back, pet the dog known as Angel and took off.

What a crazy, crazy Valentine's day. I hope the folks can get away for a dinner-for-two, sometime.

I have no girlfriend right now, so Feb. 14, 2006 was unremarkable save for the craziness of driving and defying a romantic dinner for two.

ring tones

$2 per and a $1 per month to keep them ...
let's see .. 3 tunes (10-20 seconds) at $3 per + $12 annual ... no stinky way!
My father mentioned iTunes. They are $1 each ... so, I could pay $1 for a whole song, or $2 for a clip of a song?

That's just wrong. I haven't and won't buy any. That's like premium gas. Why? What do you get out of it? The manufacturer couldn't put together a high performance, efficient engine that ran on regular? Well, skip 'em!

Drinking too much

Maybe, it's not the beer. Maybe, it's the drinking.

High School Madness (series) ep. 1

"Who is PROG11309 and PROG11286 ?"

The two guilty parties in PASCAL class were given admonishment and a penalty. What was the crime?

Mr. Frey had special guests in the building and the room to look at the VAX 3000, during which time the class was to be seen and not heard. Johnson and someone else decided that the RQ command (request bell to verify that the printer was online and active) would be funny. It would be especially funny if you did it about every 5 seconds, offsetting each other, so that it pinged lightly about every 2.3 seconds. After about 20 minutes of this, students were called aside (see above).

Study hall ... senior year, I had two back to back. You weren't allowed to leave early, and the study hall ... no sleeping, no talking, no rustling of paper, no wriring of non-school work. Thankfully I had to endure that only 3 classes before other opportunities became available.

On ocassion, TS and I were able to slip out and eat lunch at a Mexican restaurant nearby. They had the free chips and salsa, so they didn't ever get much money from us while in high school.

--- back to PASCAL ---
Those unaware of this ancient mini-computer ... meaning the forced network of terminals to a refridgerator-sized computer may not understand the relative boringness of the system. It did, however have a few neat features. Before the globalization and broader use of the internet, people had no purpose in naming their computer. Now XP expects you to name it, as it is networked, either in a building, house, or the net. Naming was a neat feature back then. We would often entertain each other or chat through name changes. It was untrackable unlike phoning or mailing each other.

I was no stranger to adolenscent humor and rudeness of names. It was mostly a little geeky white boy class. I think there were two girls and two black boys in the class. Out of 18-24, that isn't a big ratio. Anyway ... I was out of school on one day, which saved me a little lambasting.

There was a list of users on the system, listed in order of account number, such as PROG (programming class) 1100 (PASCAL) 56 (person 56 out of 2 classes).

ACCOUNT NAME LOCATION
PROG110056 RUTHLESS FWWHSFWCS

now ... when you have a bunch of guys together, you have a list of names that you can read down the center making nearly a sentence, omitting those not participating. There were a couple of students who named their computer the same thing day in and out. On the day I was missing, sniff, sniff, apparently another nosy teacher (later in this message and others) viewed the names.

SANTA
RAPES
BELGARIAN
ELVESAND
REINDEER
WITH
PLEASURE

There were a couple of others that got netted in there too. "Belgarian" was a kid who never changed his name, but was dragged into the mess because it was incorportated into the sentence.

I understand that their accounts went dead at one point, while others worked on. Carey (aformention teacher) came out and read off the account numbers. There was some stupid punishment like essay apology or something.

Carey, who required perfect Enlgish in the comment areas (areas that are for remarks and explanations only that do not affect the functionality of the program whatsoever) and would scrutinize it continually until he was happy. He had a control issue, that showed well here. He had other things to do, yet logged on, read the names and found it appalling that teen boys would act like ... uh, teen boys.

Frankly, I think Frey, our teacher, wouldn't have minded at all or cared, as long as we got our assignments done by the end of the semester.

A few words about Carey: my folks know his family, so I never really had any opinion. I did have one when I saw his ... painfully useless critique of spelling, grammar, and sentence structure when it mattered to no one. Also, more to the point, his unlike-a-teacher comments to MR and Monkeyjack, indicating that they were losers and would grew up to be losers. I'm sure that MR and Monkeyjack can explain this better.

Middle School Madness (series) ep. 2

Swinford, our P.E. teacher in middle school was a riot. His guy's only statements and approach was funny, perhaps rude.

"[MR, using his last name here]! You still all worked up about that kid cuttin' a fart?" (stated while MR was nearly rolling on the floor with laughter).

"What happens if you don't follow my directions?"
"Gonna get in trouble" (was the mumbled response from someone)
Swinford, either making fun or clearly not hearing him, "Jump ya? What do you think he is ... a kangaroo?"

"What are you doin' over there?" stated to people not participating) "Go do a couple of laps!"

insult

whoever posted this should die of spam

oh, wait ... that's me

nice Scoobys

Lori was wearing a Scooby Doo shirt, some years back, and the graphics were over her chest area. I saw the shirt, thinking nothing, and said, "nice Scoobys".

"Oh. Is that what they're calling them", was Lori's quick response.

Speaking English

I don't have a problem with "español hablado aquí". I do have a problem with people writing it off as ... well, we need to offer Spanish. Okay, why not Japanese, Madarin, Cantonese, Burmese, Sudanese, Swahili, Farsi? How many Chinese-speaking person are there in urban areas? Where I am, "city of churches", many immigrants are brought over through a church group. They are friendless, helpless, and their English is poor. How do they get help ... um ... they learn English through low-cost and no-cost ESL and English language services.
I find that many Spanish speakers are, well, dis-interested in learning English because they don't have to learn it. There are Spanish channels, books in Spanish, etc. I realize that America is butted up against Mexico, a Spanish speaking nation and is neaCentralal America, a Spanish speaking region, as well as Spanish-speaking South America and Spanish-speakinCaribbeanan islands. I understand that English isn't spoken as much down there, because it isn't a national language. Like it or not ... English is America's official language. During America's inception, there was a vote. Votes for English and German were close, within one vote, but English won.
Even though there have great demographic shifts throughout the history of the US, English is still the official language. Sadly, urban areas allow non-English by principle. I remarked on an earlier post about Urbanese being a pat substitute for English. Sadly, laziness wins over reason and Urbanese is entered into standard American usage.
Personally, I think I can go throughout my life never using: bling, "g", pimp, tap, dat, thu, thugger, mack

"pimp my ride" -- really? You are going to allow others to drive your car, then charge them when they are done? Oh, you mean make it look like you are a pimp -- one who sells women and collects the money. That would make you a charming person, no doubt.
"g" I don't like the mafia. Why would I favor other gangs who can't spell?
"tap dat azz" -- I'm sure that all women secretly hope to be penetrated this way and being likened to a beer keg
"dat" -- apparently "th" (4-6 year old development) is too difficult
"ho" -- again, I'm sure that all women secretly desire to be referred to as inflatable, mindless sex toys or female beasts in estrus. Wasn't Soddom destroyed because of rape, beastiality and other deviances of nature, sex, and humanity?

I don't use the terms, because to use them, I accept the conditions of their being. I don't call women beasts or garden instruments. I won't pimp anything and prefer to use known languages not neologisms. *

* either real words with bizarre or completely different meanings, or completely self-generated words used by psychotics. That's right. You can start complaining and drawininferenceses here.

Communication turf wars

Locally, Comcast and Verizon are battling for communication to the house each now offering cable, high speed internet, and phone service. I hope that the consumer wins.

Comcast, who once tried to buy Disney, still raises its rates. Let's get that straight. A compnay, that had a ton of money, so much so, that it bid for Disney, doesn't have the money to lower rates? I think that statement doesn't even look good on paper, let alone bear out any reasonable scruntiny.

Even though Verizon is here, offering higher speed at lower costs, I haven't seen Comcast offer any better prices.
Verizon offers fiberoptic. Comcast offers coax.

A bit about Verizon:
The local phone service here is Verizon. Thankfully the wireless industry still has a number of names, though the competition is becoming smaller. If you get Verizon of lan line, like you have much choice, and them for wireless they screw you on one detail. If you call from your Verizon lan line to your Verizon Wireless phone, you get docked minutes. Am I missing something here? Doesn't the company have the same name ... same headquarters, same logo. You already have my money. Shouldn't I be able to call my cell phone without penalty or my home phone from my cell without penalty? How isn't that reasonable?
blankity blank blank money grubbers.

Comcast: from digital cable and high speed internet, monthly its around (meaning $2 less up to $30 more) $100 per month. Lets see ... for $1200 (about) annually, I get channels I'll never watch and ads on the view screen. If I'm paying $1200 annually, the company will allow me to select the channels that I will get, will deduct any and all money due to loss of signal (remember their little "done with the dish" ads). If you want to expand your selection, does a person come out to the house ... no. They change it there at Comcast. If you want to reduce your selection, there is a surcharge, other fees, taxes and a person comes to your house to "change" something.

Any phone company does something the same. If you want to expand the features on your phone, do they come out to your house ... nope. They do it at the center, free of charge. If you want fewer features, they charge you for the change. "Wellllll, (stated in song-like extended voice word that rhymes with duck) you!" *

* opening minutes of Friday, when Jehovah's Witnesses have a door slammed in their faces

Barnes & Noble

They're spammers! I'm again getting 2-3 email ads per week. The web site should be considered:
b-n.com
(ads) bar none

Spend money, spend money, rah rah rah!! We have Starbucks in our shops, but want to buy Starbucks so that we own everything.

You know what makes you a geek?

I noticed in this article, it didn't mention a family being wife, children, pets ... go figure.

Perhaps he has a Janeway (not tarzan, not Dick) complex?
Wacky? Make it so.

I suppose he was always looking for 7 of 9 instead of 6 & 9.

not taken seriously

"Look! I'm not kidding! This is my job!"*

I had three kids try to play hide-and-seek with me today instead of working with me. What is it? Did I put on the wrong hat ... the wrong badge?! You do understand that, although playtime is fun, we are at school and we are doing ... you know ... school work.

Cute kids, but I don't understand. Normally I don't get this reaction. I guess I'm not the sinister meany I think I am. I've got to work on that.


* Animal House

old Trek game

Who's the bigger geek, the geek who seeks or the keeper?
Buy it? Get it on a 5.25 disc? What are they, mad?

That's like the 12's that were as large as LPs (long play 33 rpm records for those unaware). They don't typically install 3.5's now. Who, other than a parts geek would have that? Getting XP to recognize it would, I think, take some tweaking.

Chariot Races -- long, detailed, not fast at all

Kristia brought over a game Circus Maximus. It looked like it should be fun. Unlike the pictures on the link, we used it straight out of the box and spent no extra money or effort on it. The game was interesting, until you found the amount of effort it took to identify where things went, how far, what got damaged, etc. It was a good game, if it were on a compter, with or without special graphics. You raced around the track and could battle each other on the chariots. You could fall off, be dragged off, jump onto another chariot, but time between people's turns was about 12 minutes without thinking.

Another game I remember at this same time was ascii graphics game "begins.exe", which was a Star Trek simulator. You put in the number of and types of ships that you would battle on a two-dimensional plane using phasers and torpedoes. I liked it. It was semi-turned, but the PC would make moves around every 20 so seconds. You could have a flagship and direct all the other ships to either battle independantly or to command them to do other things.

A great little quirk was to transport your entire crew from one ship to another. Scott had this game. I remember we set the self destruct on the flagship, transferred all the crew (actually exchanging crews) to another ship. "Those poor people" * had 10 seconds to live before they were atomized. Very, very funny!

* Galaxy Quest, which was a very funny movie based on a Trek-like show.

Uncle Ducky Show

Monkeyjack, Scott, perhaps even MR was there while I made that fateful call.

It was Halloween 1991 (or 1992) and we had flipped through channels to see a local access channel. Although I had never seen the show, Scott recognized this right away. The Uncle Ducky Show was airing its usual fluff, trying to be funny. They were taking phone calls. I tried to get through for a bit and finally succeeded. The rest of the conversation went something like this.

Hello. You're on the line. Who's this?
Me: Satan, from Hell (said in a deep, dark voice)
Hey, Satan. How the hell you doin'? What the devil do you want?
Me: I just want to say one thing ...
Okay, you devil!
The Uncle Ducky Show (build up) shucks! (notice I didn't quite say sucks)

Did he say shucks?!
What is he, a farmer?
He's a Hoosier!

They got to use the heckler as a joke. Wonderful! I quickly turned the channel, not to speak of it agian that night.

What not to do

Don't talk politics. This is especially true when around family and friends. Sadly, this well known tabboo was broken today. I found other things to do to not say anything about these hot topics.

Lost turn for the worse

Sheeba brought you here.
No. You see, we fell from the sky.
It was Sheeba who made you fall from the sky.
You will bring back to us Sibalinga.

later

They took their children. They stole them in the night while they were
putting out a fire.

Sound familiar? It's Lost and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Mind you, "doom" was perfect due to the relative shoddiness of the movie.

I'm waiting for Lost to talk about lost stones with diamonds in them.

observations and incantations on "Lost"

Writers and producers are:
J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof, Jeffrey Lieber

J.J. Abrams .... executive producer
Jack Bender .... co-executive producer
Jack Bender .... executive producer (2005-)
Bryan Burk .... executive producer
Sarah Caplan .... producer
Carlton Cuse .... executive producer
Leonard Dick .... supervising producer
David Fury .... co-executive producer (2004-2005)
Ra'uf Glasgow .... co-producer
Javier Grillo-Marxuach .... supervising producer
Jean Higgins .... producer
Adam Horowitz .... producer (partial season)
Adam Horowitz .... supervising producer (2005-)
Jennifer Johnson .... co-producer (2004-2005)
Edward Kitsis .... producer (partial season)
Edward Kitsis .... supervising producer (2005-)
Damon Lindelof .... executive producer
Lynne E. Litt .... consulting producer
Steven Maeda .... supervising producer (2005-)
Craig Wright .... supervising producer (2005-)

...
I had mis-stated myself about the show having a mess-load of writers. It instead has a messload of producers.

Darren Aronofsky as the director

It seems that 44 or 48 was chosen due to the production staff. Perhaps each one having a characature character on the show.

Still, with so many directions ... I think the show is either going in many directions or no where.

bringing the dead back to life

The boys and I played Jedis last night. When a Jedi had fallen during battle, he had to be brought back. How, one might ask:

0 - raspberry (blowing fart noise) onto a soft part -- belly usually.
0 - tickling

What a great world it would be if battles were of tickles, raspberries and hugs.

Later, they were tossing rubber animals into the air ... frog and lizard. When one would land belly up, it would be dead. Jared would revive it with kisses on its belly.

Charlie, patterning after me, would have the critters be sneaky and go into my shirt. Often, I would tell him a toy was sneaky and push it into his pants pocket, shrit pocket, shirt or pant leg or even a jacket pocket if he had a jacket.

His cackling really got me. It was very funny indeed!

elements of a good pizza

Sadly, many companies and establishments forget this.

Dough: does it rise, does it taste good alone? If it doesn't taste good alone -- it shouldn't be used.
Sauce: the right amount is tough, but taste is critical. If it's tomato sauce and no spice or flair ... don't use it. Sauce is very critical because you primarily taste it and the cheese.
Toppings: fresh, realistically cut pieces. I'm not going to be too harsh on Pizza Hut, but the salad and toppings prep worker may not eat these toppings, therefore have an understanding that a fist-sized tomato should really be sliced or diced, not quartered.
Cheese: mix cheese together to make a nice, tasty mix -- mozzerella, romano, parmesean.

Together, these elements make a great pizza that you'll order again.

Last night, a non-franchise pizza: great dough, nice sauce (limited, as it was a little lightly spread), good toppings and layered cheese. It was a good pizza.

East of Chicago: while okay, their veggie (a type that we limited/non-meat eating tend to order) has far too many olives ... many, many, many olives.

Pray for Sid

I love this little girl. I hope that things change and that she gets better -- now!
She has an intestinal mass and likely liver cancer. Pray that these are diagnostic errors.

She's also known as: "Siddy Soo Su"

Day at the races

Do you want to see what underwear I'm wearing?

It was a great phrase, but it's the circumstances/situation that needed work. The boys, Charlie and Jared, were getting ready to walk with Sid. Charlie just finished with the bathroom, but had trouble pulling up his pants and underwear. Later, he'll figure out to do one at a time. Anyway, I remarked that he had spiderman undies. Jared, looking for attention, asked, "do you want to see what underwear I'm wearing?" If only it had been in ... um, different circumstances and people. I could imagine a great dream of women with me and one asking me to look at her undies.

Is it okay if I walk my pet stick?

Jared found a large forked branch during out walk. He continued to walk the branch ahead of him making animal noises for it. He said, "quiet" to it to hush it. He continued to walk his pet for the remainder of the walk.

The first half of the walk with underscored with snowball after snowball thrown by the boys, many hitting my back, some my head. Jared won with the most frequent number of snowballs. Charlie won with the largest snowballs. Often he would include leaves in the mess.

Now it's just you and me.

Charlie happily said to me. He still isn't quite into sharing, but he's getting better. Having me all to himself was great! We played hide and seek with lightsabers, he always hid "well" from me. With all the rough housing, he fell asleep early.

Giving up

I understand there is a woman who, after having four children 11 - 4, is giving up all of them to not be a mother. Hey! Isn't that cool? You can begin a family and then just leave, for whatever reaon. I think that's super great for a child who has a parent, then doesn't. It's much like the sperm donors who seed a person, then leave before doing anything with the child. Sometimes they get away without ever having to pay money to help the child survive. Nice.
Another story: A mother, perportedly a pot dealer, had her son for many years, then dropped him off to the biological father who hadn't seen him in eight years. These so-called parents are persons who should be snuffed out, discarded like the many babies, whom they create, are. That sounds harsh, but easier than idly sitting back and letting the babies die.

Party misser

I missed a party due to my ruddy sinuses ... I think I'll sue. I've have to find out what I missed.

Wrestling

specifically, women in some sort of material.
I'm a straight man, so women play wrestling is neat to watch. What I don't get is why vouyers would choose any of the following:
O brown jello or pudding. Pudding especially has a sheen to it, but brown gives it a poop look.
O red jello or pudding. Let's see there is the concept of blood
0 I don't find blood arrousing.
0 I won't elaborate more on blood and women, but .... I think you get it.
If you asked a woman, I'm sure if there was another way without blood, she'd take it.
O if you hope to see bare parts in the inevitable foray into quasi-lesbianism with stripping, are dark colors very revealing, nope. Is butt, nose and foot flavored pudding or jello tasier, especially under hot lamps ... no.

In art terms, try a different medium. Why not ice, long-refridgerated whipped cream, powdered sugar, candy sprinkles, skittles ... something?

Anyway ... I wouldn't blush away from a girly battle in a wading pool with mock fighting and teasing battles, but to see what appears to be two bloody or poop covered combatants ... it isn't a good visual. It's gross. I like I'd like a regular scene where I am a participant with a woman, rather than a watcher of a false scene.

Ah ... drainage

sinus drainage for some may not be bad, but it makes me ill ... fairly ill.
1. When the phlegm goes to my throat, it activates my gag reflex. I then am frantic for a tissue to spit the yellowish green slime. Does it sound gross? It feels worse than it looks and sounds.
2. If it doesn't drain, it backs up like traffic, giving my a sci-fi character appearance with ridges near my sinuses.
3. During the drainage it affects my stomach, when I gag -- I have tasted vomit that wasn't ejected. When it does go to my stomach, it girgles, upsets my stomach and passes through with instestinal discomfort.

Suffice to say, I despise sinus drainage. Drying out my sinuses makes it worse for when they are re-hydrated, I'm in terrible pain until it drains again. There is no winning. Sometimes the only way out is through (in this case the illness).

I'm now on Ketech 400mg. I hope it works.

My sweet, poor memory

I must confess, while I know faces and know names, putting them together is a nightmare. In some years, I am introduced to 1200 students. While some of them I recognize from years past ... 1200 is a lot to remember. I think, honestly, I can put together 230 some names and faces, but beyond that ... I'm weak. I could be wrong, it might be higher.

Sader still is the cold hard fact that often the squeak wheel gets the grease or the most distracting gets my attention and I remember that person's name.

It is a wonder though when I do remember a great kid who comes to hug me. That's a great feeling!

When animals bite

you'll probably want to see a doctor. When a person bites, you'll definately have to see a doctor. There was a child today who, while thankfully stopped before success, tried to bite another student. Send your kids to school today, beware of biting students, never mind the roaming tagless dogs.

What people don't know is there are some diseases that can only be transmitted through such contact. They are fairly rare diseases and some, like any other rare disease, are difficult to diagnose.

Tip: don't train your child to bite non-food.

Indiana Phone Bill Doom

How unsurprising ... companies are vying for control to raise rates. Gosh! I'm shocked.

SBC (Southern Bell Company, now Cingular AT&T) is trying to deregulate the communication system.

Email the bugger here.

This is concerning House Bill (HB 1279).

or contact him here:
Indiana State Senator, District 16

200 W. Washington Street
Indianapolis, IN 46204

(317) 232-9400
(800) 382-9467

Shaving

the price off the blades, I hope sometime.

I went to Walgreens and saw razor blades for my razor. It came out to be little over $2 per blade. What's with that? I could see that price if the company had to take back the blades and recycle the parts, but otherwise ... terrible. I use blades because electric pulls, tugs, makes me bleed and doesn't cut well, despite the brand.

When confronted, people do some odd things

I called a parent today and out poured excuses, defensive statements and finally: "I don't know."

This parent is:
(a) in denial
(b) defiant
(c) stupid, naive
(d) bound to fight physically with her child later
(e) all of the above

which one?

The child in question is not without good points, but his "being good" time duration is miniscule in contrast to the other behaviors, to which the perfunctory response is, "[another person's name] is lyin' on me."
You'd think, after thousands of responses like this, the mother would be less inclined to believe her son, yes? Sadly, that where my above question comes in important.

Couple with this, the relative unavailability to call the parent, as disregarding the class, even when put on a time-consuming project, can be disastrous. I lucked out by doing so while the rest of the class was in a special class -- Music.
++++++
In another story:
A boy, often way off, is smart, but won't work. This isn't to be confused with the spiderman dialogue, for certainly being caught and penalized repeatedly doesn't show true intelligence. I called his father, who sounded like I interrupted a high. His initial responses were off-topic, then came the geyser of excuses.
Within 6 days of my calling him, it was reported to me by faculty that his new trick was pinching girls' butts. Despite what CNN & FOX might have reported on the illegitamacy of charging an elementary student of sexual harrassment, fondling takes it to a whole new level. Why?
What would the father do, how would he react if his son was being fondled by another boy student? I think, despite any long-winded writing on homosexuality being a different classification (to which I would differ), it is harrassment and needs to be stopped immediately.

He is someone I don't think I'll want to meet when he's an adult; undisciplined, uncontrolled impulsivity, asocialism, none of which are diagnosable infirmaties, but rather developmental selfishness and ultimately evil.

I digress. I got hugs from three of the kids today which really makes the end of the exhausting day, fairly worthwhile. I was also asked to eat lunch with a student in 4th grade. How sweet! Sadly, I'm in a different building tomorrow.

How to spend money and time

Doctor's visit $70, 97 minutes.
Traveling time and waiting at Walgreens, 72 mintues.
Medicine $70

Getting rid of sinus infection ... very necessary, obviously there is a price and cost. This is not a credit card commerical.

It was the first sinus infection to really hurt. Others were uncomfortable with the drainage that activates my gag reflex, but this one couples it with pressure yielding pain. As far as I know, sinus infections aren't communicabl, but I'm willing to share.

Change is good

I have been to Applebees for years now. I think that I am done. I don't see much of a reason to return. I've been there, done that. There is no more land to conquer, no big draw anymore. I bid all of them well there.

Done

Charlie Murphy!

Rick's pat answer, "Cocaine is one hell of a drug", followed by laughter.
From Dave Chappelle's True Hollywood Stories season 1.

Movie idea

Sadly, I brought it up too late. When Freddy vs. Jason was announced, I thought of a better version. My "movie" idea, was about a short flick maybe ten minutes.

Freddy vs. Jason starring Michael Myers and Jim Carrey. I think it would be very enjoyable and laughable. I really wouldn't care who got which role.

Tales from the Debbie 3

Well it's Friday. Thank goodness. I’m thinking of ordering a pizza even though we ate out yesterday. Another week of running and chasing and feeding . Meg and I are tired. We usually do the brunt of the running. I vacumed out the van today. It only took $5. It started to look like it was parked by the world trade center. Ana is in peak shape with volleyball season here. It is hard to believe she has energy to talk. If she could run as fast as she speaks she would be world class olympian. She is enjoying school for the most part.
Mike is having a good year. He is very busy with scouts and football and band. Of course we have to get the socializing in there too. The room is looking to have the affects of not being home too often. I am not sure when i last saw the floor or the closet. Luckily the room has a door that closes!! He is maturing nicely and can be quite dependable this year!!
Dave has soooo much energy he is exhausting to watch or be around. He is busy ast school with bells and peer mediation and waiting baseball season to begin for him. I think he would like to play baseball in his rollerblades. Actually this summer the silly little bunch did just that. It was great to "run the bases" he does everything with his blades. I have caught him trying to scooter and bike ride with them. He is wearing out a few angels
Jon needs a cell phone. He is mister popularity. Unfortunately his popularity does not coincide with class instruction. "I hate school, there are too many rules" I don't agree with taking away recess, that is a parent punishment. His imagination is still wonderful. Lately he is pretending to be a biker. Not good when you don't wear the pads or helmet or have the dirt to fall in. His wish for loose teeth came all at once, which makes it great for water tricks.
Megan thinks turning 5 has given her priviledges of an adult. She does not see the correlation between preschool and the unlikehood of wondering over the neighborhood by herself or demanding what is to be done in a day. Overall she is an easy child, but does get in her "flossy" moods. Tony is working like a dog still. He is tired but has been very good at helping pick up after the various activities.
I am doing pretty good. Trying to convince myself that my new job is fun. We hope you are all good in spirits and health. I better go. It is Fri and soon the house will be filled with several children bearing teeth for more food.
God's peace, our prayers and love.
Deb
_____
Quotes from Megan:

MOm, why is the sky blue, why are you called mom, why is daddy the daddy?Why, why why??????

Why are you so full of questions Megan?

Because that's what God stuffed me with. Some TeddyBears have soft white stuff, but my belly is full of chocolate chip cookies and questions> age 5

Have a agreat day
deb
_____
Michael
“The cat scan was a disappointment. I thought it would be more fun. All I did is lay there and have to be still. I thought I would do the spinning.”
“I want you to make my cake mom. The frosting from the store tastes like the lipstick I use to eat as a kid.”
Jon
“I don't like my teacher. He sat me at the 'talking table' but I sat there because I was talking and then I was not suppose to talk.”
“I need a new spiderman outfit. Mine won't let me stick on the walls.”
Megan
“Don't let me miss the bus again, I didn't have time to talk with my friends.”
Next birthday I will be having a party and the circus can come too.
Dave
“Please can I have a snowboard for my birthday. I promise to use it outside and only down the steps in the summer.”
Ana
“ok really turn it up, I promise this is my favorite song. ok turn it up, I promise this is the other so my song. ok turn it up, the boys are making me crazy, they won't stop yelling.”

Hope you had a little fun today.
deb
____
2/8/06
Those are really cute. Needed a good laugh. Thank you for my gifts. I am going to read the animal book tonight finally got the kids to the pool and to the movies. They had fun. We even attempted shopping. Didn't last long. Jon was mad as it was not toys r us. Megan did not want any “girl” clothes”, Mike and Dave were disgusted that I made them try on pants and if too baggy it is a no go at home. Ana upset that the low cuts could not be disguised well enough with a large belt. So we came out with about $39 worth of good.
Not bad for Kohs and 5 kids. Tony got home from camping. Stinky of course and tired. But a bit relaxed. I am jealous of it. Someday we will go again
One funny--- farty funny. Grocery store, 9pm. Not too many souls out shopping. Floors are slippery form resent mop. Jon and Mike chatting along in front of us. Yikes! Jon sounds like a motorcycle--a Harley! I quickly dodged into another aisle away, hoping to avoid the attention and the assured family membership. I dodged, I hid, but, of butt no; I was found. Now they are both laughing and sputtereing and making red faces. But the plan to humiliate mom literally backfires. Off to the can they run. Ha Ha. Lost them, oh wait, they found me just as I am using the temperamental self register. Oh the embarrassment, no long of the farting.
Over that by now. It is the fact that the gas expulsion has actually ruined the machine. After the grocery was paid for we go to the “look: of go back to never land.: so it was a good laugh in the care as we drive home with 3 boys singing various versions of who know what out the back sides. Oh life with boys. So illuminating! So glad I am a girl.
love you all bunches. Deb
___
March 28, 2005
Top of the Morning to You. Here’s a day for motherhood. Yada yada on the carpool, nightmare traffic, chronic tardiness and slipped appointments. More yahoo for sibling mischief and mishaps, dogs barfing on the carpet, teachers calling from school and kids asking for money and “field trip” to the movies/mall for the weekend.
Let’s move on to making dinner. 5pm. Don’t know what it is about that hour but it’s bad. Tried several ways to avoid the decline of the day going to mass can get us there at about oh the “Go in Peace.” Today though the smoke alarm went off. dinner was cooking... bubba burgers..the boys love them. well it got a little smoke filled. DON”T WORRY. IT”S A FUNNY STORY> One of the boys hits the panic button and so the fire station and alarm company is called. Yeah there was some yelling. Oh the neighbors had fun. The windows are open, the fire department is coming and Mike is yelling. “dinner’s ready” So wait it’s better. I try to cancel the fire department but they want to make sure it’s ok. Should have just had them in for dinner.
Somewhere in here Tony comes home from work. Poor guy. Turns on the TV as I say... the fire department is here! Still some residual yelling but the kids are ready to eat!
In this blurr of it all Ana drives up from work. I say..” don’t panic, but it’s frustration zone just go upstairs.’“ As soon as the fire department leaves she tells me something so precious.
Mom” I was sent home from work for talking too fast and too much”
This is so funny because to know Ana when she is on “talk mode” yikes. Several of her friends have told her they just tune out and let her go. A handy little trick we learned years ago. Unfortutaly you have to pay attention because she usually is sneaking in vital information it just zooms as fast as cable.
God Bless High School Teachers.
God Bless Husbands.
God Bless Fathers.
God Bless Children.
God Bless Mothers.
I still think it is funny.
So have a really good day.
love ya,
Deb O

Tales from the Debbie 2

Hi to you. Here is another story to make your funny bone tickle. Got a call from Jon's teacher today. .... Apparently he has been calling some of his chums "Stinky Pete". As the character of Toy story 2. He called a girl stinky several times during the day. I am TRYING be the 'professional , level headed, sympathetic mom. Really tried hard until this poor teacher says "Is it a full moon or something today? The whole class was out of hand." Jon was put to the RED zone and lost his recess. I started to laugh when she said 'full moon' knowing my time was coming around 3pm. I said I was sorry and would talk to him. Then I asked her if she knew who "stinky Pete" is. She said no. I said well it is one of Jon's favorite movies and a character on Toy Story 2 known for his expelling of gas. 'OH she says. Yep, that's pretty funny". Poor teacher. I told her I commend her for keeping her cool. She said, " I commend you for having more than one boy".
_______
Boy Humor –
Mom, farts are funny. Especially when they smell so bad you have to leave the room.
"Jon and Dave if you throw one more ball in this house I am going to take all of your balls. – Mom, that would hurt.!!"( with hand gestures frantically grabbing for their jewels)
=====
Mom did you know that in the Jurassic period they not only did not have forks and knives, they didn't have tables either so can we eat on the floor???" – Dave
=====
"I'm hungry"
"Dave, you just had a sandwich, a bowl of cereal and cookies."
"Yeah, but that was just a snack"
======
Mom, look what happened when I farted alot in these jeans. Of course there is a wear mark on the butt of jeans.
"I'm not that hungry today. I just want 2 double cheeseburgers, a salad, and fries and a milkshake." Not the happy meal. (Michael)
______
Megan" Im' the b aby, you can't spank me!!""

Jon "I am going to be the coolest kid in class, thanks mom." I cut his hair so he could 'spike ' it if he wanted with a can of mousse and a tube of gel, which of course he used!!

Dave: Mom can I play on the computer? I did my homework, scooped dog poop, took out the trash, picked up my room and put away dad's clothes and mine. (How could I say no to that)

Mike: Mom? Yes Michael. Do you have any electronic broken stuff or just anything I could take apart and look at. Dad's old computer is right here, can I take that apart???

Ana: Mom this really funny thing happened at school, I just need to tell someone it will only take a second. (And sure enough, I got a two-hour breakdown of and episode of a school day in about 1 second.)

Tony: Did you know that the stupid McDonalds downtown does not sell their (somethingburger) for.99$!!! It costs 1.19$ so I ONLY got one!!. (Wasting away to practically nothing)

Kids "Mom what are you baking in the oven?" Deb-- Ah nothing kids. Oh geez, you can't be that cold again mom. Were you born on the sun? There are aliens!! (little stinkers)
==========
April 29, 2001

Hi. We will plan on coming up for your big party. The kids are excited for it too!! Although I'll admit that only Ana and perhaps Mike understand what 'graduation' means. If it means cake and time with family the rest are for it!!!
We spent the day at Eagle Creek Park yesterday and had a wonderful time. I can't wait to go back and perhaps rent some canoes. Perfect day if not a bit chilly at 70 something. We saw some cool bird, dead fish, ugly bugs and a bee that made it's way into the van. Right as we enter the park the two girls who were in back of Tony and I start a high decibel estrogen fear scream. I nearly wet my pants. No words just screaming for what seems to be a good 5 min but it was probably only seconds. Apparently a little sweat bee landed on Megan's blanket and would not exit the car. Ana and Megan were sweating and full of tears and shaking. Tony nearly ran the park ranger over trying to pay the entrance fee and find a safe place to park.
Mike of course came up with a good, low-key response, "I think you exploded that bees head with all those screams." Megan and Ana still find no humor in the horrible flight of the bumblebee. The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, just a different place for the boys to fight and the girls to complain. Tony and I got somewhat of a hike with the kids if you count how many times we told them to stay out of the water. We would be Bill Gates envy if it paid us money. Thunder came too and is quite sore for all the hiking and growling he did. He almost caught a couple of ducks if it wasn't for that stupid leash. My shoulder is sore today from the ranks he gave it
Tony is off to Texas tonight. He goes anymore often and I'll have to get him a Bush Badge and a Texas tie and some boots. He does love the food over there. Nice and hot and spicy again. No gringo style food.

Tales from the Debbie 1

6/24/00
Unbelievable. Took the boys to a park, they found a river. By the river they found mud. In the river they found minnows and bugs and lots of ugly things. Meg went too. They went 'wading'. Now they are muddy, smell like fish and are soaked. Unfortunately we had to pick up Ana at Butler U. Me and 400 other parents with their hot, but clean children, waited for the choral to let out. Now in the sun the smell is getting quite bad. So as not to draw attentions to themselves, as they never do, they preceded to play the computer game "worms", as live people. This being a quiet game, ha, ha, all 400 some people now look and smell.
Of course Mike decided earlier to t clean his muddy feet off by flicking the mud around. It is in my hair, on my yellow shirt and my legs. Now I am home and going to go get Meg and myself in the tub, take a nap and try again tomorrow. On blessing is that I was smart enough to not bring the dog.

6/26/00
Sounds like a busy week for you. We have it easy this week. Nothing much planned. Tony has the pager this week so who knows what sort of mood he might be in. Although last week he hardly was paged. Ana's concert was awesome on Sat. Butler must be known for their music dept. The director of children's choral was also founder. Exceptional behavior and talent from all. Nice to listen to a concert in a hall and not a gym. Dave went with and enjoyed also.
Went to library and blockbuster today. Made a big mistake and rented Small Soldiers. I did not see it but was told by all that it was violent and also rated PG13. Big mom mistake. Oops. Meg was upstairs with me reading lots of library books, going potty and jumping on beds and finally after a bottle or two passed out, I think mom was first!
Never did get around to feed store, or rather grocery store. After two errands and the chaos of checking in 5 children for book club at library and arguing with Mike about appropriate books to read, then again another argument from all about movies to rent, then to bread store and hear complaints about what snacks to get, get home and quickly pass out food to the poor starving children who seem to grow an inch overnight.
They swallow the food, belch, get hungry again, and the cycle never ends. Oh to take them swimming the food just doesn't get ripped open fast enough. If we lived on a farm I think you would actually hear the cows screaming for help from above.
I guess we will see you possibly on Sun then. We will probably be at mass at the 9am service, other that that we don't have much plans

Good luck with school
Deb

I had a great laugh today. The kids and I went to the mall and Jon being himself, ran ahead of us, boys in the middle, Ana at the jewelry counter and Megan singing to herself (Santa Claus Is coming to town) in the caboose end. Just me as the adult. So I finally see Jon ahead, most of the way up and escalator and I yell to him, "Don't you dare run any farther". So just like in the cartoons he "ran " down the UP escalator and of course is not making any headway. For about 2-3 minutes he is doing the reverse stairmaster and his face is that of a bit of a panic and laughing. I could not help myself. I broke out into a big giggle and the others, other shoppers included joined me. Finally he came down and we all hugged him. It was funny. Needless to say he didn't wander nor run far again.
__________
Hello

My name is Debbie. I am a fish killer. I did not mean to start out that way, it just sort of happened. You know how these things go. For some reason they just die in my care. I try to set them free from their little bags and it just happens. They flop around on the table and sometimes on the floor. Then a really big furry thing chases after them. It must be the fact that they are so slimy. They really gross me out.
We know Debbie, we know. We all started out that way. Seemed so innocent. Buy a few gold fish for the tank. Then before you know it you have killed an entire school of fish. We have all been there! Soon your kids refuse to go down the fish isle of the supermarket with you. THEY JUST KNOW YOU KILLED THEM!! Soon even the piranha's at the zoo swim to the other side of the tank when they see you. Until finally your name is added to the most wanted list at all the Sea Worlds and Aquariums. Ed our charter member has only recently been taken off the list. He was banned from Shedds Aquarium and had to keep a city block distance from it. That is how bad this disease can take you!!

But to help you here are the 12 fish steps to keep you from your disease.

1. Admit you have a problem.
2. Attend your weekly FKA (fish killers anonymous) meetings
3. Know your limits!!
4. Read your fish care and feeding book faithfully
5. Apologize to all the pet stores, aquariums and sea worlds you have attended over the years. (a letter is good) They don't want you there anyway!
6. Apologize to all the people who have lost pets because of you. No substitute for a personal apology.
7. Learn to love slime.
8. Go to the Zoo's your fish and you classes
9. Start using the phrase I respect all finned creatures
10. Remove any fish trophies you may have acquired over the years. Especially the ones that list how many fish you have killed.
11. GIVE UP THE FISH STICKS. THAT IS IN VERY POOR TASTE
12. Make a finned friend

Follow these 12 steps and you too will be free from the fish killers disease.
_____
How are you.? Hope life is good. Marc wrote and said Joe has a job. That is great. It is so nice to see him and you have a good year. Life is never easy but maybe a little better!! Not much new here. Been on a lot of places looking for boyscout project stuff, finally found all of it and the yarn that I needed to match the blanket I am making Beth. 4 stores if not more for each project. I am NOT going anywhere tomorrow. I am going to clean the carpet, I hope at least. It is making me nuts. Tony is quite adamant about me not working, he is really stressed right now with the job and scouts and church. Just wish there was more time for me. Maybe it is better that I don't work, always have to worry about future and money, looking at orthodontists I am sure very soon. Well here is something to make you laugh
Took all the kids the Meijer's after a movies last week for ' quick' shopping. I decided to look at meat since we had none in the house. I am trying not to get distracted by all the antics the boys and Meg can do and Ana standing aisles away so not to be embarrassed. I just wanted to shop. I hear people laughing and the kids in stitches. Thinking that they destroyed something I turned around a bit angry when I see Jon with his face in raw meat, growling, teeth clenched and snarling, arms held like a dinosaur and slobber everywhere. "Jonathan!!! What are you doing."!!!!
" I am not Jonathan, I am a velosoraptor and I am hungry!!"

So I bought a box of chips and off we went.

love you
deb
_____
Quotes from Megan:" "
 When the doctor touched my face she was checking my brain. (actually checking sinuses.) Ana, when the doctor checks your face, she is checking your minuses.
 I have brown-cow idis. You get it if you play in the brown dirty snow. (actually bronchitis)
 Chocolate chip cookies help you grow, as long as you dip them in the milk in your cereal.
 When the sun stays in the clouds all day, you can't get dressed in your sunclothes, you have to stay in your jammies.
 When I grow up the be a mommy, you (mom) grow down to be me. (this point she is quite adimant)
 Sometimes when I sneeze, I fart by accident. But it never comes out my ears.
 When it is time for me to go to school I am going to take my backpack, my blankie, my thumb and ride the bus, have lunch with Jonnie and come home.

Novus Crepundia

Not Richard Pryor, but quite similar.
Charlie, when young, liked me for a playmate but more often as a toy. What I mean by that is, that he would insist that I stay in his bedroom while he went out in the living room with the adults for something. Toys aren't supposed to up and leave ... how rude! His tendency to keep me apart from anyone else and not share me was silly.
Monkeyjack described this situation much like The Toy, with Richard Pryor, however in this case I wasn't bought like a slave. Charlie also isn't a task master.

One time, while I was pushing him on his swing, he said, "[my first name], I love you!" How could anyone not be melted?

Monkeyjack reported to me Saturday that there is an alien infestation, as he and Charlie have been battling them for weeks now, unabated.

Barbie gests a facial

My nieces had many, many, many (not exaggerating here) Barbies, dolls, and tons of clothes for them. On one of many occasions, the basement was a backstage fashion show. Dolls littered the floor as did piles of tiny garments. Mum, who loves birds, wanted to hold one of the birds. These birds (tiny) were social, but picky.
They would start on your hand, but much prefer to be on your shoulder / neck (how piratey). In order to hold them at the fingers, despite their timid pecking of your fingers, you simply put one finger over their talons, securing them there.
Birds are not known for their etiquette and so one let go.

Barbie, halfway under the sofa and half exposed, really one of tens of them, looked up. Sad for her that she got a parakeet facial. Splat! If ever anyone wanted to make a political or comment against Barbie, this bird one-upped them.
After that, she looked more like a Cruella De-Vil, white streaks, colorless face or a Kabuki actor.

Gross, but quite memeorable.

Mum and rabbits

My neices got a bunny each one year. They were very cute! It just so happened, when they visited, excited about the bunnies, that I was cutting up broccoli. I prefer raw veggies to cooked ones. The rabbits and I shared this.
Well, while resting or hopping around on the girls chests as they laid still, they happily ate the broccoli and summarily peed and pooped. Wee little bunnies have small discharges, of little concern.
Later, while the girls were finding ways to play with them, they often allowed them to roam around the floor where they would find neat things to chew. All rabbits chew and sometimes aren't all that considerate. I had some t-shirts that had particular pits and holes from their ... chewing. The origins of chewing are manyfold, suffice to say, it is something that rabbits continually do.
That being the case, Mum, hesitant around the rabbits announced to them that,
If one of these bunnies bites me, youall gonna git it!
That's funny, because she has no southern drawl or speech. She still carries Pennsylvania Dutch colloquialisms and some Pittsburghese *.
I believe that my sister, who got the rabbits hoped for one of each, but I think they got two females who humped each other for dominance.
To further this Doolittle Tale, we introduce birds. The basement smelled, well ... ripe. We couldn't forget the turtle and the frogs.

-- T.B.C.

* actually, there was a published book How to Speak Pittsburghese

Switching pitchers

As this rap is winding down
As you can see, we wear the crown

-- Anthrax, I'm the Man

Perhaps I can use a dog bone instead (followed by stuttered, crazy laughter)

-- Peter Lorre like character in a Warner Brothers Bugs Bunny cartoon

I doubt that I'll have enough fame ever to shift from high energy wrastling to "Slip into a Slim Jim" commercials, then ending with a spot in a multi-million dollar movie, like, say ... Spiderman. I'm referring to Macho Man Randy Savage. Although I never liked wrstling, his name was quite familiar, much like Hulk Hogan, although he got a movie bit in Rocky III.

What to do. My vocation choice ... was it a good one. I like it and it brings me joy, but some of the government (bureaucracy) of it all makes the "chocolate taste terrible" 1. I've tried curve balls, fast balls, intentional fouls, but so many pitches are hit away with limitless, bounding procedures. What is the procedure for reviewing procedures? Here. Read the 30-page report on how to read review procedures.

Do you remember that we're trying to teach here? Was that lost in the translation, "... and the monk comes up hours later, crying ... 'It says celebrate!' 2"

An elephant and donkey come to their respective homes, at different times, to find their lovers (another elephant and donkey) in bed with their spouses.
Wait. That's no joke, that's politics. I despise politics. There are no held morals in politics.



1 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
2 old joke on a monk researching relic versions the bible for transcriptions

Hollywood hits the toilets

Remake after remake after remake. Well, well, well. It looks like Hollywood will have to find real writers. I stopped seeing many movies years ago, some other people including family are quite disenchanted with vomit films (films that make you want to vomit). Let's face it! I am not interested in doling out $7.50 (Indiana gets off cheap) for a piece of crud.
The last movies in the theater I saw were, well ... weak to bad.

Fantastic Four -- clumsy as it was stupid
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire -- pulling out the pictures, forgetting the words. If I saw it only as a movie, perhaps it wasn't too terrible. As far as a story relevant to Harry Potter, it was awful.
--- brainstew --- I don't go to the theater often, so another movie -- I can't remember.

In a previous post I mentioned Peter Jackson and his love for Greatest Story Ever Told epics. I mention this movie because it is 6 some hours long. The Lord of the Rings, while adapted from an in depth collection of works was, well ... long, boring. Here, the director for Harry Potter should have stepped in and cut out the New Zealand tourism parts ... mountains, very lovely. Oh wow! Bogs! Enchanting. Hey, look! Isn't that the ocean (surrounded by the ocean), no. It's digital. You mean with all of the helicopter footage, you don't have a single scene with real ocean? What kind of travel video is this?

Knowing the general stupidity of people, I would expect visitors, seeing the dedicated village (Shire) set in New Zealand are upset to find out that there are no leprechauns in New Zealand, nor Hobbits, nor Elves, nor Trolls, nor Orcs, nor Wizards nor castles. What a let down!

BTW: anyone who has read the books &/or seen the movies could sense the awkward relationship of Sam and Frodo. They had mountains ... could have been a prequel to Brokebackside Mt. No. I think that the madness of Tolkein didn't go down that path. I use madness in that anyone who wrote volumes equaling the library of congress had to be a bitty nutty.

Getting a number from the net

I bought my verizon wireless phone on the net 13 months ago. The error was that people within my hometown had to dial the area code for a long distance number. I never understood. I only wish I had addressed it quickly. Apparently when you type in a zip code, that is immaterial to the logic of number selection. It chose one within the area code, but nowhere near my zip code. Nice.

I called a verizon wireless place in town. They gave me the info number to make the change -- my only solution. The rep helped me changed the number. What a waste.

That reminds me of punching in numbers for a credit card or something else only to have a person ask you the same [insert colorful metaphors here] numbers! We're still not on the same page with customer interfacing. The system gets the number and does nothing with it ... ho hum ... yes. That's very nice ... please hold.

"What's your number and name", a voice prompts you.

How Ang Lee came up with the idea

"Hey, Soo! I must have slept on a cactus last night, my butt really hurts!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... mine too Aug (snicker)."

"Gee, Aug. Could you use a good back rub after such a long day?"

"Nothing says old wild west like 'Kansas City Faggots*'".

Rawhide, backside ... what's the difference?

Did you read the story? Uh, yeah ... after reading Ann Rice's flaming gay vampire epics.

It's just something about the branding, the roping, the donkey-punching, the spurs, smell of leather, whipping, and horse stalls.

Why am I writing this insulting crap? I don't like that the commercials they air still don't plainly say ... "GAY MOVIE!" Don't omit the truth, don't lie about it. If you get harranged for it, then you asked for it.

"Group Sales" -- ha!
Focus Pictures -- out of focus.

* courtesy of Blazing Saddles, a great movie.

Cartoon madness

Perhaps I'm overgeneralizing, but I think if you don't like something, you talk about it or use other methods. Sadly, I was slow at typing this, but doesn't it seem that many people react with violence rather than banter or chiding?
Granted, depicting any religous icon in demeaning ways will bring hostility, but I don't think violence is necessary -- just an excuse to be violent. I would liken a cartoon much like graffitti. Is it really that terrible and unwashable. Granted, like anything else, there are costs and penalties, but killing people not responsible? I don't see the corelation.
Perhaps MR was right about a select few being able to take a joke and not start swinging.

I think about the L.A. riots where a bad verdict was the "justification" for mass looting, murder, arson, rape, assault and other crimes. Huh? You stole to protest something in which you had nothing vested? I don't see the connection there. The people who steal, destroy and slay do so, and would do so without a reason. It is merely a cover to commit wrongs and crimes.

As for Finland. I would suggest that it was like Clinton lying about having sex. The right answer is, "yes". Their right answer before or directly after the publication should have been, "Oh, man! We are so very sorry. The people responsible have been sacked." Once there was murder, to apologize to murderers -- uh, no. Don't say sorry now.

Monkeyjack message

I sit alone at the bar ... waiting, ever waiting...

What does that mean?

This text message needs explaining.

For Fun Reading, try Consumer Reports

I recommend March '06, regarding the Oyster Awards

Conumer Reports online

Penalty for failure is death 2

Our master got angry with our last droid and had him disintegrated.

I tried to retrieve data stored on these discs in the hard drive. It refused. I had no choice but to punish it. Also, some data is better not shared.

Taxes 2006

I used Turbo Tax this year and they charged me more than they should have $60 instead of $40. It looks like Tax Cut will get my money next year. Sorry, guys. Rob me once and you're done.

art project

Art project 2.6.06

Sweet boy Charlie!

Cat Tales (series) ep. 1

Introduction:
Many of these stories are first hand accounts. There are duplicate stories from previous posts regarding Max and Cali, cats of Monkeyjack. In some households there are are then two pets, so the inclusion of others is inevitable, regardless of the mix of species.

The family cat Stubby. Stubby, a runt and outcast of his litter was a farmcat. The family there was trying to get rid of the kittens in favor of expunging them. I remember seeing this little cat walk along the gravel and being given the word, "that's him". His tail was shorter than most cat due to some kitten injury. We got him home, and in this case I got to experience what cats tend to be like in a car -- electron comes to mind ... always moving, chaning everything's energy level when it touches them.

He was a small, but mighty cat. The dog, Princess, had a mortal enemy -- cats. Here, one enters the house and is entreated to stay. The first two days were great fun for the dog and cat. The cat ran around -- good exercise for a young cat. The dog got exercise chasing the cat. There were no reported injuries.
That did't work. The dog kept eating the cat food, to starve him out. That didn't work. After seven days, the dog wandered into the kitchen, looked at everyone, now with the understanding that the cat was going to stay, and peed deliberately on the floor.

Throughout the rest of his lttle life Stubby went on many adventures. The backyard was relatively free of any life, except for maybe ants. He killed birds, squirrels, rabbits, bunnies, moles, chipmunks, moths, butterflies, bees, wasps, nearly anything that moved. Spiders were slower moving and not much interest unless they were on the wall.

I remember many mornings letting him in or out that I found a "tubuluar" package on the cement. The prone position rodent was in full rigor, looking almost turd-like. This was a token, unspoiled, not ripped open, just killed and presented. There was a difference between that and a close (within visual range) hunted kill. Usually these were more like Predator kills, with their heads or limbs removed, disembowled and messy. Noticing some, there were clearly four types of kills:
peckish killings, with organs eaten
gaming killings, with several moral wounds
playful killings with grotesque pre and post mortem wounds and attacks
token killings with little damage to the body, presented so that humans would respect him

Also a treat were the scrapes and cuts and bloody wounds consistent with the tough-guy-on-the-block. My father thought we spent enough money on him to be a dependant for tax purposes.

He was super silly on catnip -- go figure and loved to climb. He didn't like to climb down.
My father once had a solution to his "tree" problem. He was in a neighobor's pine tree which wasn't ours and it wasn't good to climb. We begged him to help Stubby. He got out the hose. It was rational. Which did he hate more, climbing down or water. He hated water more and found a way down. The Bluejays, whose nest he inteded to raid were delighted with his leaving.

Sadly, I saw the most difficult thing with a cat -- slow demise. He developed feline leukemia (intestinal) and he was in pain for the last few months on his life. He died, crawling to my Mum ... dying in her lap. My father, usually saying nothing but sarcasm about the cat also wept. That was a rareity.

Before his passing was Princess' passing. She was going blind, but her one-time enemy, later friend walked beside her, making sure that she didn't bump into any walls. He was a seeing eye cat for her. It's funny that you apply compassion only to people, when no one was there to train him to walk her. He did that on his own.

-- T.B.C

Dog Tales (series) ep. iii a

Jake and Sid:

Before Charlie was born, Monkeyjack and Lori and these two silly companions. When they were out of town they would ask me to house and dog sit. I accepted. The problem was when they returned. The dogs were bizarre when they got home ... they came home late and had stopped at McDonald's. Jake was shaking and Sid was spinning around. What the -----?
eledteacher! What did you do?

I, uh ...., uh ....
What did you do?

What do you mean?
We got home and they went crazy! Did you give them something?
Maybe.
What? Do you feed them something.
(Finally, it clicked. I understood the conversation)
Yes. I got them, a ... um ... hamburger.
A hamburger?
um ... yeah... each a hamburger ------------ and fries

You got our dogs combo meals?
yes ...

(loud at this point) No wonder they were crazy! Jake was shaking like he was having a seizure. He was waiting for his burger. eledteacher, you are a bad, bad man!
Sorry.

To tell my side of the story now, I knew that they were, "tired" of the kibble fare. They like car rides and we went to ... a fast food place ... or two ... and got food there. Jake happily rested his head on my hand while I shifted gears. Well... how do kids react to having fast food, despite it being cheaper quality than burgers you would and could make -- they are ecstatic.

Sid also snatched a piece of fish from a tray when I got Fish of Stroh. I never knew dogs liked fish. I think she just figured I didn't have to bother serving her ... she'd just serve herself.

Dog Tales (series) ep. iv

Sid, officially named, Yensid, is a whitish German Shephard. She's wily and wooley and big and loud. According to Monkeyjack, she's convinced that the postal workers and squirrels are colaborators in a syndicate to bring about world ruin for dogs. To this effect she always barks at the postal workers, Fed Ex, UPS, DHL, etc. She has found dead squirrels that have been tossing toys and has killed a few. I think she offers no quarter to birds either. All animals are subject to termination, especially cats (right prey size perhaps?).
Anyway ... one early memeory of Sid the puppy was her nipping my nose. Sad for me because prior to this injury I had a septum puncture that opens up every now and then giving me nice, bloody noses. This was just such a case. It wasn't her fault, she was a puppy.
She started small enough to fit easily into a bathroom sink. Now, she's large enough to push others out of a kid's wading pool. With her tail usually erect and her watchful eyes -- she loves to play. Out of jealousy she destroys Charlie's toys. She doesn't like to share ... nor did Charlie. I think he's getting over that now.
Sid had an old-man playmate Jake, who insisted that he ran the roost, though he was much, much smaller. He was the same height for a few weeks, then she grew. Later, he would easily run under her. He taught her to distrust postal workers, how to chew on people, if necessary (she doesn't employ this, but just escapes) and how to "sample" drinks and food left at the right height.
Sid loves beer as much as the dog from Strange Brew. She's an accomplished beggar and, while distrusting of Charlie, she vultures around him while he's eating because Charlie drops some food and intentionally offers some to her. She loves doing walks and used drag Lori around while she was on roller blades. While I walk her, I feel like a sled being pulled along by her.
She hops up to the door, her face in the window to see who's at the door. The are around the window is ... um ... bare of paint. It is intimidating when you hear the barking and then the face at the window. It reminds me so much of Marmaduke comics.
I used to call her "Baby". I so often used this that Lori pointed out that if I didn't stop, she's think her name was "Baby". She still greets me in the silly way she always does ... happy circles running near me, but not quite to me ... many figure eights. Then I get to meet her. When Charlie was an infant, I had to greet Sid outside because of her grand greeting of me. So silly!

-- T.B.C.

Dog Tales (series) ep. iii

Maia, meaning mother, perhaps is mother of that which is silly. When over at MR's house, she jumped up on the sofa to sniff through my pockets. While I entered bearing beggin' strips, that I tossed onto the floor for her, she insisted that I must be hiding something better in my jacket. This was not the first time that she checked out my jacket.
On a seperate occasion, my jacket moved up and down, as though life were entering and leaving it. Upon closer insepction, Maia was rolling it and tossing it to gain access to pockets.

Her more typical trick is to "misplace" a toy under the sofa or table or in small space behind the chair. "Woof! I don't know where it could be. Woof! I can't quite reach it, though I put it there. Woof!"

Really, she's MR's dog -- he should write this.

Dave's house

I wasn't going to write it, but it's just too funny not to write it ... sorry I beat you to the punch on this one Dave.

When they were looking at the house, they found some ... peculiarities. One error was a sagging basement ceiling. While the excuse doesn't bear out reality (positioning of shower), it is nonetheless, memeorable as "No new taxes" and "What's the definition of is?" -- trapped in a hard place, lie!

Well, the ceiling is warped because one of the teen boys fell asleep in the shower and plugged up the drain with his butt.

A very comical lie. Sadly, it was the only given explanation as to the ceiling problem.

Thanks Dave!

Dog Tales (series) ep. 2

Titan, bold, hyper dog of the century. A good and well meaning dog who never thought of himself other than a dog. There was a neighbor dog, Eli a taller, longer Great Dane, I think, that liked to race Titan along the fence. There was no serious animosity between the two, merely typical rivalry and show-boating. On one occasion, they stood ready and aiming at each other.
Chicken was the game, or perhaps headbutting sheep is a better description. Either way, they agreed at a dog-perceived signal that the time was, now! They ran full-bore at each other and collision! They didn't hit each other, but rather a post, along the fence that spearated them anyway. Ouch! Dazed and confused for so long it's not true -- for them, it was. "Uh, we meant to do that."

Titan, so bold, even flying dustballs were his enemies and he would cry to you to make them. CDs were great, as they would shine a nice rainbow on the walls to chase. Any game had to do with chase!

There was hide and go seek. A group would walk along with him, then split. He would panic, then scramble to herd everyone back together again, whining the entire time from panic ... must get sheep together ... must get sheep together.

He would drop his toy for his two humans, but for nearly no one else. JF, my neice, his ... cousin? was the only exception. For her, he would jump, run, do whatever. She never needed to shout, merely say, platz and he would lie down. It was comical.

He favorite thing above all was river wading and swimming. Ah, creeks, rivers, streams, anything muddy and foul-smelling. He loved it and would swim for a day, if given the chance. His other dream, never accomplished was to chase the llamas next door. Oh ... they look so good to chase. Please? He chased deer and other critters, but ignored birds entirely. Bees, wasps, flies ... they were "good eatin'" Spiders, not the best critters for the humans there, neither of them liked them, were also interesting fare, when he could get them.
He was never able or intersted in catching the thumb-sized mice that were in the house during the winter.

He also didn't destroy a stupid little ragamuffin of a squeak toy dog that bit him. He was on the sidewalk walking when a speck of a dog bit his leg. The owner quickly fetched the dog announcing the dog's sheer stupidity in attacking Titan (meaning large / mighty anyway) who could have chomped it to death without thinking.

As far as fast food -- I think he preferred Burger King.

-- T.B.C.

Dog Tales (a series)

unorganized, but so are dogs -- sometimes.
the following stories are based in fact, but some details are sketchy, many are from first hand or second hand accounts.
-- please note initials represent real or pseudonyms to protect their identities from laughter at work

Thunder (short for Thunderheart) while wonderful around people, for he thinks he is one, doesn't like many other animals. Squirrels are great to chase, capturing is great! Dogs must always be assailed with torrents of angry barking.
The folks were visiting my sister's family in Denver. Typically, luggage is "late" really misplaced. At three a.m. loud pounding resounds on the front door. [loud pounding] (continues while Thunder snores, back against the door). TO gets up, not wanting the kids to wake and goes to the door. [pounding continues] TO has to push Thunder out of the way to open the door. [Slide ugh! Opens door to unhappy airport delivery guy and takes baggage]
This same dog scared the pants off many people not knowing him. He's a long, black Shepherd with a taste for ... human


food

To this effect, Thunder has conived people out of their food, so that he can eat it, never bothering to chew, then suffer gastro-intenstinal problems usually culminating in fire hose diarhea. "Fire hose" in two senses; visually spraying, then the need to spray the area after he goes.

Also what makes this dog special is patience. He has often trick-or-treated with a costume, been Barbie -- worn make up and had his nails painted.
He was also called, Sir Marks-a-lot, in that nearly any standing object had to smell like him through urinal or fecal means. He also wasn't to be outdone when the boys, while hiking in Colorado made use of "outdoor plumbing". He would hastily make sure it smelled like him too. He, probably like most dogs invariably wound up smelling like the family because of walking in a stream ('enough said there).

Also exceptional is his "bad tennet" status in kennels. Normally this would be attributed to those who trash their rental or those who, in some way warrant their eviction. He was evicted / denied access to a large number of kennels for the following reason:
"He wouldn't stop whining and crying just throughout his stay. I've never heard of eviction from crying. His belief that he's a person lends himself to believe that he should not have been there. His crate training also brought on teeth injuries, trying to eat through the cage.

I guess they should have just resigned themselves to believe in his perspective that he was a quadraped human.

To his credit, he has also been "too sore", "too tired" to eat. The kids have brought handfulls of water to him to lap up and handfulls of kibble for him to be hand-fed.

-- In this series, all stories are presumed to be continued