"Keith [stated as a long slurred word]. Tell Todd I'm gonna kill him!" after guzling a gallon of so-called kamikazees, which were 70% vodka (on average).
"I stopped a robbery at Walgreens. You see there was this guy with a gun. I used my electrical powers to stop him."
"You mean you shocked him?"
"No. I heated the gun and he had to drop it."
"The Yankees suck!" followed by his own, and only laughter.
"I'm just a loud peein' fool!" (sung)
(after puking) "Oh man! I didn't even eat Taco Bell!"
"You're the only woman I ever slept with!"
"Get that camera out of my face! _____ paparattzi! Every shot you have of me, I have some ______ thing sticking out of my mouth or on my tongue (lip)."
"You left me in Hell! Hell! It smelled so bad. It was like a big, perpetual fart!" in reference to an old job
"This job is bad." a movie quote used to describe this same job
"That's Easy-E!" when asked what he chose to hear on headphones. I listened and heard, "I need three holes when I want to _____" Charming
"Hey, I got this joke ... " (If only I were allowed to blank it out of my mind). Apparently / hopefully he was out of his mind when he told this terrible so-called joke that is so much unlike him. I won't finish his statement!
"I was a navy seal. I had to register my hands as lethal weapons downtown." Not a successful come-on line to ladies at the bar.
"I hope you have a (mystery guest's name) room. I need to sleep."
"You don't turn the lights off on a drunk man! What are you thinking!" shouted
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Some wit and wisdom of Mr. Mystery Guest
Cute lines
"You're not a monster; you're just dirty." -- Bubbles
"I would like eleven lumps of sugar, please."
"You don't need eleven lumps of sugar."
"I'm a monster. I'm not sweet enough."
-- Little Bear cartoon
I thought of that because of my nieces.
.....
In other news ... a cult favorite goes on to another generation. My nieces and nephews have watched more than once, Monty Python's Holy Grail. I remember I showed them one time the vorpal rabbit scene. Thereafter, they watch it.
Maybe the 70s weren't too bad.
Microsoft has encounterd an error
Right now I'm telling the computer (and Microsoft) exactly what it can do with the chocolate (and my fist).
What error?
I typed something funny?
It's okay
"It's okay Mr. Holloway, I already got my nose (for you).", a response when I asked if I should get one student's nose. I guess, I'm predictable.
"Tag! You're it!", expecting the man-figure to run and chase him. I have played tag on occasion, but generally my attention needs to be focussed on the group. In this case, it was a wonderful warm day with adults vacating their blistering, unconditioned rooms for a change.
Ah ... the age when farts are funny and not shameful and where homework isn't five hours long.
Homework: "My baby sister chewed on it." It did look indeed just like that.
"I don't have it." Hours later, at the end of the day. "Here it is!"
"Can I use your pencil?" Still ... a different pencil is magical -- a nice, youthful perspective.
"I can't do it!" Stand here beside me for the rest of the day and watch me work. I want all of your attention.
"Mr. Hollywood." Close. "Mr. K?" Again, close.
"Haven't I seen you in movies?" No. The money would be nice though.
"They're not taking turns." Ah, if life were only this complex.
"Hey! Now that makes sense!" What a teacher really wants to hear. A person, student or other, getting a concept.
"Will you be my Daddy." "I can't do that." "Daddy!" "No. Don't you already have a daddy?" "Yes. But I want you. Daddy." I'll just hope that she drops this line of thinking.
"What about God?" "I can't talk about that."
"What is AIDS?"
"My mommy and daddy yell a lot"
"Our house has holes. My daddy does too. Right here (pointing to left abdomenal wall indicating a through-and-through puncture -- gunshot). Don't touch it."
"I have a dog! He died. I had (goes on to tell about 20 + dogs -- all dead)."
"You look tired. Did you sleep well last night?" "I didn't sleep good. My brother kept moving." "You sleep with your brother?" "Yeah. And my sister and my mom and my dad." They had only one bed
"Mister!" "Mr. Holloway." "Can I call you Mr. H.?" "Yes." "Mister, do you like pizza?"
"I want to you write a letter to Wilbur." The students were around mid-way through Charolette's Web. "Dear Wilbur, I sure do like you ... with toast, butter ... bacon ... ham. You're tasty." a third grader really made me laugh with that one. It was unexpected and I laughed, perhaps, too loud.
"My mom eats in the bathtub." The students in a different third grade class were assigned to write what odd things their parents do. It was NOT meant as an investigation tool. I tried to blank out from my mind the students who wrote these. This student went on to say that she brought in fruit to wash and did so in the tub.
"My mom and dad walk around naked all the time."
"They were funny socks."
"They eat asparagus."
"My mom sings in the bathroom." "You mean in the shower." "No; in the bathroom."
"My dad eats in the nude."
Now ... you can't take all of that as accurate ... it is, however interesting.
"What do you do?" "What?" "Where do you work?" a student asks me in class. Apparently teaching isn't a job?
While instructions on a worksheet were a little unclear ... my first attempt was to complete every possible combination. Mark a number between 28-34, etc, until the instructions were done. The teacher's guide then remakred, "ask students what they see on their worksheet." It made sense that each student should have a different combination of boxes marked. I then marked only one square for each, as did the other students. I came up with a sloppy looking thing. Rorschach test result: "duck on a stick" which was much better than the real answer ... makring every possible combination ... a robot. There was no other realistic answer. Teachers can make errors too. A good example for kids that if you make an error, recognize it, work with it ... grow.
Dear Disney
[Ja Rule] Woo, ha ha right back at ya.. it's the world's most talented record label Murder Inc. And that angelic voice you hear in the backround, oh that's our new princess of Hip Hop in R&B yo Miss Ashanti.
Murder, Inc. Nothing says family like murder, right? Did you think about this before you cast her as Dorothy -- young naive, innocent child cast into fantasy world where she must be adult?
"Fight (Over Skit)"[Ashanti:] Yo, we need to talk[Guy:] Here we go again. What we need to talk about man?[Ashanti:] We need to talk about us and what's going on.[Guy:] Yea that's what we need to talk about?[Ashanti:] You know, I've been thinking. I don't, I don't think I'm gonna be able to forgive and forget all this shit you'vebeen doing.This just aint working out.[Guy:] Yea,you know you've been thinking, you know I've been thinking too, you know what I've been thinking. I've been thinking the person that I got with aint standing in front of me. You done did a whole flipand changed on a nigga man.[Ashanti:] Yea well guess what? You done changed. You know all this shit you've been doing. You know, how you expect me to bethe same person. I'm not the same person. Why? Cause of the shit you've been doing.[Guy:] So what the fuck you saying man?[Ashanti:] What am I saying?[Guy:] Yea. What the fuck are you saying?![Ashanti:] I'm saying: IT'S OVER!
Nice course language. That's what we need! She's perfect for the role of Dorothy.
If you don't know how to cast for roles ... don't do it.
Movies (brief complaining)
Peter Jackson. I'm sure he's a good, perhaps great director, but oi! Can you imagine if he teamed up with Oliver Stone to do ANY story?
Jackson Stone productions presents, "Bay of Pigs". Rated R, 4.5 hours. Now of DVD with 76 days of rare footage. Uh ... guys! The actual time of the crisis wasn't that long. Buy the DVDs today ... 5 DVDs per week for the next year.
Have you ever thought that maybe ... just maybe ... a movie could be 90 - 100 minutes and accomplish it's goals, tell a whole story, and be a complete thought?
We could throw in Michael Bay, who did Pearl Harbor, for a longer movie. What Bay of Pigs really needs are unrelated subplots and a romance that's irrelevant and unimportant to anything.
Starring:
Kevin Costner of Waterworld, lending his directorial expertise
Keanu Reeves as J. F. K.
Hayden Christianson as young J. F. K.
Joseph Mazzello as older, but still younger-than president J. F. K.
Lizzie McGuire as Jackie Kennedy
Ray Park as the super-killing machine Castro
Robin Williams (shown as more-professional speech-making Castro)
Chuck Norris as the one-of-two-man killing machine of the US special forces
Stephen Segal as the one-of-two-man killing machine of the US special forces
Jean Claude Van Dam as a Cuban Resistance fighter
Harry Melling as Khrushchev
Wesley Snipes thrown in for whatever
Jessica Simpson thrown in for window dressing
Paris Hilton as Marilyn Monroe
Sounds more a Police Squad movie ... where's Leslie Nielsen?
Ignorance
time was 1985. Yngwie Malmsteen was in the new rock CDs. With a name like that I never would have thought he was a rocker. He is a clever and inventive guitarist, much like Hendrix was. At that time I would have thought it was in the wrong place, deserving more to be with pan-flute fluff from Yani. I was at a mall, in Musicland playing an activision game when a kid came up next to me. I didn't care. I had recently bought a bag of small cookies from Original Cookie Co., and munched on a few while feverishly playing some simple game.
"Gimme cookie."
"Huh?"
"Gimme cookie", was the repeated statement. By this time I had looked at the boy who simply looked at me. I handed him one, though I was a little aghast. I was and am a suburbanite, knowing little of urban culture. I generally wouldn't have asked a stranger for anything, let alone commanded it. I guess, "gimme" means, "Please. I know you don't know who I am, but you have some extra. May I please have one of those, as you seem like a nice person and have more than one."
To further describe my ignorance: In middle school there was a boy who had, "a bad acid trip", so he was not in school for a long while. I thought that he was a junior chemist who had sadly spilled inobtainable strong acid on himself, burning and scarring himself. Where was my head -- not on drugs. Thankfully, it still isn't. Apart from alcohol, I have miraculously come through life drug free.
I was at a friends' house when a neighbor came over to introduce us to LCR. While playing, we were of course, talking. He mentioned that he only-recently heard of an urban legend of an injury due to stupidity. Apparently there was some sort of straw injury to the nose. I won't say any more, but was explained the term, "shrimping". To this day I wish I had been out of the room to be happy and ignorant about that. EWWWWW!
Scarred I am.
Terminator
Two of my brothers-in-law and I were talking about movies ... generally picking on them. Tony and I were discussing time travel -- and the inherent problems with making it into a concept where you could change the future. In our discussion, we talked about two more commonly referencable films: Back to the Future and Terminator. Terminator was, perhaps, more worthy of discussion.
At the end of it, Tony found he had a better appreciation for Terminator, in that the protagonist mother at the end is clearly describing Reece to her unborn son, to send that particular person back in time to "facilitate" the future ... i.e.: if you wanna live (be conceived) you gotta send back this guy. Thank goodness he wasn't a barbaric ass, eh?
It's good to talk about older movies ... BTW: Terminator, 1982
Are you old yet? I am.
"They are my people. I love them. Pull! [blam]!"
"It's good to be king."
How some people become carpenters
I have loose stool today.
I have hard stool today.
I'm taking something for a regular stool today.
Hey! I don't want to hear about stools unless you're building one out of wood.
How it works
As a sub, there are three similtaneous systems running seeking people for places. There is an internet service posting slots for filling. This is linked to a phone service that calls people about these same positions. The sub office itself receives calls and makes them, trying to fill places. This is all for substitute teaching.
How it fails:
I got a call today from the phone service ... answered it, "I'm sorry. The job I called you about is no longer available. Goodbye." Since the calls may start at 5:00 am (times available to call can be changed), being called only to find out that it isn't available, doesn't start you off to a good morning.
Internet service working, but phone not ... or phone working and internet not working.
Internet and phone are working, but don't show same offerings.
The internet is based on a database that may be out of date. Sometimes teachers shift from grade levels or to schools. I have found that sometimes, the listing is for the wrong grade. Why does that matter? Imagine going in to work with stuff for Kindergarten (often two half days), but instead, having 5th grade. Yes, this has happened. More often it is that the teacher shifted 1-2 grades or has changed to a "resource teacher" who doesn't have a room and has a hap-hazard schedule that is unclear.
Small smattering of statements
"I didn't fart today!" by Ana. Well, you can't fault someone from having goals.
"Yeah. He has three sisters; that's why he's gay." by Dave. I remarked to him that I have three sisters, and yet I am not gay. Am I then the exception or the rule?
"Add Clooney to resemble My Three Sons" by Tony. I sent what IMDb had on Indiana Jones 4 (yes, they're making it. Scary, huh?).
There was a student who chose an interesting nickname, and made that her name card on her desk, Queen B. I doubt that she understood the usual use of the demeaning term.
