What is he doing to that watermelon? (very rude and groos, warning not to read further)

When they said you should be more creative and maybe include other senses in your love-making, perhaps food -- that wasn't what they meant.
So, isn't that guy including food into his sex?
Uh ... no. He's replaced food as a partner. Equally gross would be Fat Bastard eating a buffet on the right and your lover/mate on the left. That's really not including food in your sex.
Then there's the 500 pound people who have replaced food for their sex.
Of course, we could have an overszed hammer slamming onto the watermelon, coating each person during sex with watermelon parts -- somewhat including food and sex, but in a hackneyed way.

Please, don't play with your food on your plate, though food play is okay. Also, don't ***k your food.

generally cooking shows

are adult Mister Rogers. Boy were they novel when they first appeared, but now. I'll show you how to make salad. Huh? How can anyone need help making salad? That's like needing help making soup or cereal. Salad: choose vegetables that you like to eat raw ... chop into bite-size pieces, mix with 30-50% lettuce (not iceberg -- for it's a waste of a vegetable) with any adornments -- fruits, figs, nutes, croutons, cheeses; if you like diced egg -- bacon, chicken add that too. I don't need a recipe. If you buy a salad recipe, then you should be equally interested in a mint condition 1956 Forenza.

Cooking shows might be the best thing on in the afternoon, but if that's so ... turn off the TV. I have, and I feel happier for it. I tried watching it, but hey, I know my colors, so I don't watch teletubbies. I'm not entertained by TV. Cooking shows -- yawn and painful, headache-inducing rot. I'll fan this, tell you how good it smells. Really?! So, when you bite into it, I should understand that it tastes good? It's like anything -- tell you when to laugh, smile, feel, taste, smell. I'm not quite that stupid.

sloth and rejection

Thank you for applying and your interest in joining the staff of K’s Merchandise. You submitted your resume in response to an ad for a Human Resource Specialist in our SOMECITY location.  After reviewing and interviewing several outstanding candidates, we have been able to fill this position.  This has been a difficult decision; I apologize for any delay in our response to you.

 

If a position comes available in the future that you would be interested in, please contact us.  Applications and resumes are kept on file for one year.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your search for employment.

 

Sincerely,

 

HUMAN RESOURCE PERSON
K's Merchandise
Corporate Human Resource Manager

----

key in now, Price is Right defeat/failure music

Buddy Nasrallah

Nasrallah announces new, "Buddy Allah" to liven up Allah's image and make him more obtainable to today's youth.
With a wink and a smile (thumb over a trigger) he bring Jihad and peace.

TMNT (untrue stories) ep. 2

turles in in a half-pike, no. Turtles in the G.I. (system)

TMNT (the untrue stories) ep. 1

It's even funnier when you have seen Strange Brew with Bob & Doug McKenzie and the beer vat scene.

really old school picture

really old school picture
Originally uploaded by MDH, II.

I'm not sure that I see TS in here. I know he was in the class. Likely, it was a day he pulled a no show.

Thanks MR for recovering this old photo to be later used in FBI files.

Our teacher got the hey away from that school. I remember him walking into Walletbuster and there he told me about his being on sebatlical -- or finding different employment while maintaining first-dibs on teaching position there. He was nice, but never knew all of what went on in class. He would have quit sooner had he known.

Hassan Nasrallah finds a way to keep Israel out of Lebanon, Syria, and Jordan

There! Now Israel won't come in here! Good job guys! Allah is love ... ?

One more for good measure. Did Muhammad mention that the virgins would be extra crispy?

failed to deliver

Sound check! Yo! One, two, one, two! Turn my headphones up, man! Nah man! I ain't kiddin'! I can't hear man!
-----
I brought up a name, equally as distant and old as Boss Tweed, Pia Zadora. I mentioned to MR about a woman whom I've not seen or not talked to for 15 some years or more. One night, by random chance I spoke with her, briefly. True vanity, cuddled and loved like a favorite suffy is never surrendered. "Do you remember me", she asked.
I did remember her in existence only. I saw her once. I remember that ISJ was captivated by her legs and mentioned to me to look at them. They were not so remarkable that I remember thinking much of them.
"Did you think I had sexy legs when you saw me?"
Again -- I remember chewing gum at times in my life, sometime even the flavor given the atmotsphere of soda, popcorn, and having previously eaten a hamburger. I cannot remember this girl, nor really much more than a sketch of looking at legs in a Pizza Hut, but the light in the Pizza Hut on that 1 something o'clock afternoon was more memorable. I made the anaology that Pia Zadora's role in "The Lonely Lady" as being more memorable.
I responded to her question, "Yeah, I guess" (quite nearly a lie)
Quickly, as if ensaring a wandering rabbit in a trap, "I was only fourteen", she gasped out -- trying to belittle me or shame me.
It didn't work. I couldn't remember jack squat of her, let alone feel remorse for looking at her legs once when I was seven years her senior. It sounds bad until you know that she gaited around telling people that she was sixteen, and aparently suffering sexual abstinence pains.

I should have punched her back by divulging that I could better remember ants crawling on grass; an especially well cooked fish fillet; longer-confortable shoes I had in the 80's; an obscure TV commerical, than I could ever remember her. I wasn't so cruel or decisive, but let it slide, go, and am no better or worse for it. I'm not vain, though I have a misshapen ego (generally too large and lumpy to match reality) that impedes my thinking often.

I better duck!

I have an interview with them on Monday morning.

Somehow, I don't think they're looking for a person who can shout madly, "AFLAC"!

Sales jobs -- cripes! Isn't there anything else?
"Hello ... hello ... hello ... is there anybody in there? Just knock if you can hear me. Is there anyone at all?"

experiments in foolishness

Testing. One, two, three?
What was once animated, is animated, no more.