Embarrassing truths ('92 and '02)

Well... It helps to fill in the background.
Monkeyjack was attending IU and I have many tales about that, but before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you this story 1
I went down to IU, one of many occasions, and Scott was having a party. I drank lots and lots and lots and lots. Cerpicio was there with his then girlfriend, but I was loud, rude and socially unacceptable 2. I had several 32 oz glasses of beer and was in no shape to talk or walk, but that didn't stop fool-hardy me. It was near Halloween and Scott and his roommates in the Nolls had a pentagram on the wall and beer to boot. ISJ arrived as a vampire or likewise undead critter, a year previous or a year later he came with a Duke jacket and was thereby accosted. Monkeyjack had a mummy costume. I was dressed as a wino--torn jeans, torn t-shirt, trench coat. Throughout the evening I drink nearly as often as I breathed. Because of that I was ... Dare I saw... drunk I was extremely drunk, so much so that the evening was patched together with bits I remember and large and long blank spaces.
I guess my clothing was ... hot or bothersome, for I cast it over the locked fence to the pool and was becoming more and more bare as the night entered. At some point in time I woke in the evening and found a strange grey and black striped thick shirt/sweater inside-out on me and newly gray stained undies. W T F? I was hungover unlike any other time in my life where breathing was a burden, thinking a chore, and moving an impossibility. I sat up through reflex, though my head pounded like a bulged tire on a highway (thumpity, thumpity, thumpity). I gagged, for what that was worth ... I spent at least 70 minutes puking that evening, sadly, not in a row.
I do remember flashes of the mud belly-flop king who, like gladiators of Rome awaited the crowds.
"Only the cheers of the crowd to goad him on" 3. He would wait; time it; then plunge into the 4 cm mud puddle to the great cheering crowd. Not bad -- Oct 20 something, 34 degrees and mud jumping.
Not to be outdone, I guess, I eventually ran out of stripper layers and had shoes and trench coat. With this mighty Captain no-underpants, I unfurled my cape, as it was and ran around the balcony streaking to the crowds cheering and delight!
I remember being at Scott's Nolls apartment at Bloomington, then drinking, drinking, drinking from 32oz glasses as was the norm for fast food to dispense plastic reusable glasses at that time. I'm a nerd/geek ... I still have some.
I remember Cerpicio with his girlfriend, cute as a button -- meaning, youthful-looking, and remarking to him that he ought to kiss her -- stated though he forgot his hearing aid, which he doesn't' have.
Loud -- no, a thunderstorm is loud. You are are deafening like the aggregate of all documented storms and natural disasters together. You don't hide your drunkenness at all. Your slurring and British accent fallback belie any attempt at seriousness or normalcy. -- suits me to a "t"
I remember giving beer both from the cup and from my mouth to the lovely dirt that was the unkempt fall/winter courtyard of the Nolls. I remember seeing a white square beast (dryer) hauled into the courtyard for no reason.
I remember flashes now of pitch over a fence ... the items, unclear. I remember opening a door and yucking out the open door of a car.
I guess I handed the keys over to some one early one ... good thing too, as I was drunk beyond comprehension and that my pants later adorned the frozen public pool of the Nolls. Darren, I think, drove. Interesting that he later was (Monkey drunk party) filled the sofa with puke, broke it and at Ball State took up IV drugs. This, then sober, person drove my car back to the dorms. We had a bit of a hike over around the stadium. I guess I was the only one in the car who remembered how to get back.
I took a detour, that no one, at that time, understood. I directed something like, "left, right, left, go ... left. Stop" Whereupon I opened the door and I puked onto pavement, not my car. ISJ leapt out and started talking "a mile a minute" ...
"Someone's coming to come out here and say, '_hit'", only it won't be _hit, it'll be puke ..." They corralled ISJ and got him back to the car so that we could get back to the room. ISJ, when drinking goes into, "I love you man" mode, proclaiming that he's going to write a book about the lot of us.

Seeing women on the TV -- lingerie models, states loudly, "Why do thy make women like that?"
*later I will elaborate on this statement
I understand that ISJ found my undies and had me don them for everyone.
I was hating existence on that fine, sunny Sunday, fairly warm, but a 3 hour trip back, stopping in Muncie to drop off ISJ. I couldn't drive as the dehydration was so intense that my swallowing was painful and vision was still a bit off kilter.
With all of this, we survived. ISJ drove to Muncie (BSU) and he and Darren called it a weekend. I drove back to my city and tried to recover. I thankfully didn't have to work until Monday afternoon, but I was still in a world of hurt.

Streaking, IU ... sad, but done, or was it.

One decade later (10.6 years) I am at Germanfest in my town/city and Cerpicio and I are walking about getting free beer from many people, pitchers, glasses, tickets. ... we started out with a pitcher like fools, not knowing that we'd get 3.5 pitchers free. We gave out our beer as well, as we called it an evening early.

A guy approached us ... I was, say 20 pounds heavier and sporting a goatee. He asked, "are you the streaker of IU". I completely reddened, confirming his suspicion. I was dressed differently, facial hair, fatter/heavier ... how in the ____ could he pick me out of a line up let alone out of 1000 people?

Moral: be very, very, very careful in what you do at all times.



1 Thanks to Dav Pilkey
2 Thanks to Steve Martin
3 paraphrased or direct quote from Conan the Barbarian after his 3 battle; narrated by Mako