Nightmare

On Friday, my mother experienced a psychotic episode. It was terrible to experience. To make things worse, my niece needed a ride, my sister who couldn't handle my mom's psychotic episode didn't know how to get to the school. Sadly, I had to leave her there and it tore her to shreds. I then had to tell my father, but he took some news better than I thought. He's sleepless and looks like Hell. I am thankful I am driving him.

Sadly, I have so many frustrations and no way to solve them. My two sisters from Indy area are up here, otherwise I might better be able to deal with my stress in a loud way. Again, I bury my problems to release the emotional pandora's box later.

I must be strong -- I didn't ask for it.
...........
The psychotic episode was brought on by at least four main factors: pain from double-knee replacement surgery and back spasms, dangerously high blood pressure, high blood sugar (she's diabetic), possible reaction to four pain medications she was taking.

While I will never forget it, my mother has no recollection of it. Good for her, it might affect her badly to know what happened.

Holes!

If only it were a happy-ending movie about juvenille boys in a correctional detention center in the desert looking for hidden treasure. No, it is about the holes in my stomach that are growing. I've not had my stomach checked, but I feel the holes -- acid, burning, despite my eating Tums and Pepcid AC like candy. If I could find a way out of stress, I could eliminate the pain once and for all, but that isn't soon coming.

My sleep is in theory only. I rest, I lie in bed, but never feel rested.

My mother was moved from one unit to the ICU for a dangerously high blood pressure. When I left her tonight, she was in some pain, but her blood pressure was just fine. She's still delusional, but has longer periods of somwhat effective communication. It is taking a toll on my father.

I predict that she'll be transferred out of ICU back to the regular unit tonight or tomorrow.
I wish I smoked.