Tasting these twice (new dialogue on old strip)

Flash instinctively hunts for food. Sadly, he chooses people. His good friend the doctor reminds him that they packed for for the trip.

What's a man doing with a compact?

Character becomes suicidal. He wanted to be an actor, but instead landed a role in a B sci-fi series, likely later to be cast in B horror movies.

Ring the doorbell and run!

Security is already drunk when the good guys try to sneak past. The security is on a 72-hour workday and bender.

swimsuit wedgie

swimsuit wedgie
Originally uploaded by MDH, II.

Man do I hate wedgies! Aparently cartoon characters get them too. Man I wish I could sleep!

labeling my house

Well, it isn't my house and I shouldn't keep explosives, but if I did ... this would be the way to go. That way, in case anyone wanted TNT, dynamite, gasoline, dry gun powder or anything like that, it would be there. I keep it tucked away in the woods. Certainly nothing could go wrong.

pardom me now, while I pee me pants with laughter

Wanna B Ur Lovr
by Al Yankovic

Lyrics:

I don't have a library card
But do you mind if I check you out?
I like your skeletal structure, baby
You're an ectomorph, no doubt

Your face is real symmetrical
And your nostils are so nice
I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl
So I could see you twice

Girl, you smell like Fritos
That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
You're so hot, you're gonna melt
The elastic in my underwear

I'll bet you're magically delicious
Like a bowl of Lucky Charms
You'd look like Venus de Milo
If I just cut off your arms
What I'm tryin' to say is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

Do you believe in love at first sight
Or should I walk by again?
My love for you'd like diarrhea
I just can't hold it in

Stop, drop and roll now
'Cause baby, you're on fire
I'll bet your outfit
Makes a lot of noise in the drier

You're absolutely perfect
Don't speak now, you might spoil it
Your eyes are even bluer
Than the water in my toilet

Say, has anyone ever told you
You've got Yugoslavian hands?
No, of course not, that would be stupid
Just forget I ever brought it up
The point I'm trying to make is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

I wanna be your Krakatoa
Let my lava flow all over you
I wanna be your anaconda
And your heat-seeking missile too

I wanna be your beef burrito
Am I making this perfectly clear?
I wanna be your love torpedo
Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?
Uh huh

I hope I'm not being forward
But do you mind if I chew on your butt?
You can tell me truthfully
Am I a steamin' hunk of love now, or what?

There just aren't enough o's in "smooth"
To desribe how smooth I am
Maybe you've seen my picture
It's in the dictionary under "Kablaam!"

My lips are registered weapons
Can I invade your personal space?
You must have fallen from heaven
That would explain how you messed up your face

Well, how'd you get through security?
'Cause, baby, you're the bomb
I'd like to take you home right now
So you can meet my mom
Because I ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Girl, you must be Jamaican
Because Jamaican me crazy
Girl, you must be Jamaican (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Because Jamaican me crazy (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

Where the questions lead to questions

Which word can you eliminate ?
Car
Plane
Bike
Boat
....

[car: because it has a short vowel; bike: because it is not motorized; boat: because it doesn't have wheels]

 ....

If you buy 3 trousers worth 23€30 each with a 50€ note, how much change are you left with?
13,1€
12,2€
14,6€
11,3€

....

[are these Euros?  I see 23.30 * 3 =  69.90 which won't result in change for a 50]

....

Solve the following analogy :
LAVA is to VOLCANO what WATER is to ?
freeze
mountain
valley
chimney
source
lake

...

[typical response is lake, but a volcano doesn't technically contain the lava.  Clouds would be a better choice here.  Source would be good, but there's the lack of definition]

...

Please mark the word not matching the others :
Whale
Shark
Herring
Dolphin
Pike

....

[whale is a common answer for it is a mammal -- please note that there is a dolphin fish, also common would be pike for it is a freshwater fish as opposed to oceanic; shark would work because they are only jaws, no other bones]

....

This shape was turned over upside-down, then swivelled, what is the result ?

....

["swiveled"?  What's swiveled?]

...

Which is the missing drawing ?

...

[I met my match here]

...

Find the word written in the direct direction (of the needles of a watch) as well as the missing letter :

...

["written in direct direction", you're losing me here -- not a clue]

...

Which shape does not match the others ?
Circle
Cube
Triangle
Square
Rhombus

....

[cube is 3 dimensional; circle has no sides and not vertices]

...

Which face part does not match the others ?
Eye
Ear
Cheek
Nose
Eyebrow

...

[there is a hinted symmetry here; Whoopi Goldberg would fail -- nose (one); eyebrow typically considered hair is a non-feature]

...

Which word does not match the others ?
Copper
Tin
Iron
Bronze
Lead

...

[bronze is an alloy, of course; lead not used in weapon usage but doesn't corrode (and floats like great gravy)

....

 

Confessions of a reader

I started getting this 7 years ago and am not disappointed in receiving it.

The director's perspective has interesting factoids on African Americans and HIV prevalence. One might assume that to maintain a same-mass/volume brain, one should heavily abuse and use Crystal Meth while infected with AIDS. No, not really. I think, end game, don't use drugs, don't get AIDS--as if you needed to be told. Some of the work on cigarette addiction, basis and differences in men and women are fascinating. Worth a read and free online, I'm not sure where you subscribe to the printed version.

Scoring 50.4

Duh ... dat makes me schtoopid! IQ test.

Shame for Sale

Unabomber auction? What the heck is that? Oh, boy! A used, unremarkable knife next to another used unremarkable knife. Typewriter and paper, having a value of $22 to someone, somehow becomes super valuable because a serial bomber used it. I guess if I had AIDS, I could become a crime boss and my loved ones could sell off my belongings for high profit, while I die or after I die -- hopefully in a blaze of glory as opposed to a slow, withering, agonizing death. This, I think, sets a bad presidence.

James Potty (revised)

James Potty wanders down the stairs to find a woman tied up naked on a mattress. He response is quick and dimwitted.

using keyword elimination

Career Builder's keyword elimination didn't work -- at least what I tried. "Bullcrap" does not filter out bad jobs.

What is he doing to that watermelon? (very rude and groos, warning not to read further)

When they said you should be more creative and maybe include other senses in your love-making, perhaps food -- that wasn't what they meant.
So, isn't that guy including food into his sex?
Uh ... no. He's replaced food as a partner. Equally gross would be Fat Bastard eating a buffet on the right and your lover/mate on the left. That's really not including food in your sex.
Then there's the 500 pound people who have replaced food for their sex.
Of course, we could have an overszed hammer slamming onto the watermelon, coating each person during sex with watermelon parts -- somewhat including food and sex, but in a hackneyed way.

Please, don't play with your food on your plate, though food play is okay. Also, don't ***k your food.

generally cooking shows

are adult Mister Rogers. Boy were they novel when they first appeared, but now. I'll show you how to make salad. Huh? How can anyone need help making salad? That's like needing help making soup or cereal. Salad: choose vegetables that you like to eat raw ... chop into bite-size pieces, mix with 30-50% lettuce (not iceberg -- for it's a waste of a vegetable) with any adornments -- fruits, figs, nutes, croutons, cheeses; if you like diced egg -- bacon, chicken add that too. I don't need a recipe. If you buy a salad recipe, then you should be equally interested in a mint condition 1956 Forenza.

Cooking shows might be the best thing on in the afternoon, but if that's so ... turn off the TV. I have, and I feel happier for it. I tried watching it, but hey, I know my colors, so I don't watch teletubbies. I'm not entertained by TV. Cooking shows -- yawn and painful, headache-inducing rot. I'll fan this, tell you how good it smells. Really?! So, when you bite into it, I should understand that it tastes good? It's like anything -- tell you when to laugh, smile, feel, taste, smell. I'm not quite that stupid.

sloth and rejection

Thank you for applying and your interest in joining the staff of K’s Merchandise. You submitted your resume in response to an ad for a Human Resource Specialist in our SOMECITY location.  After reviewing and interviewing several outstanding candidates, we have been able to fill this position.  This has been a difficult decision; I apologize for any delay in our response to you.

 

If a position comes available in the future that you would be interested in, please contact us.  Applications and resumes are kept on file for one year.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your search for employment.

 

Sincerely,

 

HUMAN RESOURCE PERSON
K's Merchandise
Corporate Human Resource Manager

----

key in now, Price is Right defeat/failure music

Buddy Nasrallah

Nasrallah announces new, "Buddy Allah" to liven up Allah's image and make him more obtainable to today's youth.
With a wink and a smile (thumb over a trigger) he bring Jihad and peace.

TMNT (untrue stories) ep. 2

turles in in a half-pike, no. Turtles in the G.I. (system)

TMNT (the untrue stories) ep. 1

It's even funnier when you have seen Strange Brew with Bob & Doug McKenzie and the beer vat scene.

really old school picture

really old school picture
Originally uploaded by MDH, II.

I'm not sure that I see TS in here. I know he was in the class. Likely, it was a day he pulled a no show.

Thanks MR for recovering this old photo to be later used in FBI files.

Our teacher got the hey away from that school. I remember him walking into Walletbuster and there he told me about his being on sebatlical -- or finding different employment while maintaining first-dibs on teaching position there. He was nice, but never knew all of what went on in class. He would have quit sooner had he known.

Hassan Nasrallah finds a way to keep Israel out of Lebanon, Syria, and Jordan

There! Now Israel won't come in here! Good job guys! Allah is love ... ?

One more for good measure. Did Muhammad mention that the virgins would be extra crispy?

failed to deliver

Sound check! Yo! One, two, one, two! Turn my headphones up, man! Nah man! I ain't kiddin'! I can't hear man!
-----
I brought up a name, equally as distant and old as Boss Tweed, Pia Zadora. I mentioned to MR about a woman whom I've not seen or not talked to for 15 some years or more. One night, by random chance I spoke with her, briefly. True vanity, cuddled and loved like a favorite suffy is never surrendered. "Do you remember me", she asked.
I did remember her in existence only. I saw her once. I remember that ISJ was captivated by her legs and mentioned to me to look at them. They were not so remarkable that I remember thinking much of them.
"Did you think I had sexy legs when you saw me?"
Again -- I remember chewing gum at times in my life, sometime even the flavor given the atmotsphere of soda, popcorn, and having previously eaten a hamburger. I cannot remember this girl, nor really much more than a sketch of looking at legs in a Pizza Hut, but the light in the Pizza Hut on that 1 something o'clock afternoon was more memorable. I made the anaology that Pia Zadora's role in "The Lonely Lady" as being more memorable.
I responded to her question, "Yeah, I guess" (quite nearly a lie)
Quickly, as if ensaring a wandering rabbit in a trap, "I was only fourteen", she gasped out -- trying to belittle me or shame me.
It didn't work. I couldn't remember jack squat of her, let alone feel remorse for looking at her legs once when I was seven years her senior. It sounds bad until you know that she gaited around telling people that she was sixteen, and aparently suffering sexual abstinence pains.

I should have punched her back by divulging that I could better remember ants crawling on grass; an especially well cooked fish fillet; longer-confortable shoes I had in the 80's; an obscure TV commerical, than I could ever remember her. I wasn't so cruel or decisive, but let it slide, go, and am no better or worse for it. I'm not vain, though I have a misshapen ego (generally too large and lumpy to match reality) that impedes my thinking often.

I better duck!

I have an interview with them on Monday morning.

Somehow, I don't think they're looking for a person who can shout madly, "AFLAC"!

Sales jobs -- cripes! Isn't there anything else?
"Hello ... hello ... hello ... is there anybody in there? Just knock if you can hear me. Is there anyone at all?"

experiments in foolishness

Testing. One, two, three?
What was once animated, is animated, no more.

New from Ronco -- Spell Becker

Have anyone of these would-be funny characters help you in spelling

like: Cheers, believability, longevity, watchability, syndication, comedy, hilarious ...
wait, there was none of that, but they can help you with:
dull, dry, mutable, re-writable, unedited, unscripted, suicide watch, slothful, and "blam" [sound from the gun firing hollowpoint bullet into your head to prevent show from penetrating your mind]

It's Spell Becker and it's free! Pick up your copy today, found in local retail stores next to kitty liter and scoopers.

complaint from rocker

I would like to lodge a complaint against James Cameron for not considering our song, Lovin' Every Minute Of It, to be used in the movie Terminator 2.

Clearly,

"I'm not man or machine
I'm just something in between
...

Ready-Aim-Fire "

could have been used for the cyborgs.  We're pressuring Cameron now becuase, it's like -- we're not getting gigs anymore, man!

Monster Bill

So -- when the government rises taxes, I'm paying for these? Military ads?
"Paid for by the US Army" pans out to paid for by taxpayers, or are they now self-sufficient and no longer need US government dollars to operate?

pages of "a"

in the phonebook, it was novel to start your business with an A -- being first, possibly more likely to be called by new customers.

 

Looking for jobs on Monster, I saw 13 pages of 20 with "a" first compnaies.  That's hardly original now.  I think companies should either choose a memorable name or heavily market their name.

I'm a taxpayer, but why do I have to pay for this?

I count eleven entries there. Why am I paying for that? Well, technically, I'm not much paying for it, as I'm not presently working, but ... I will work and have worked and do pay for the National Guard. Moreover, I should have an option to pay for advertising here on Career Builder.

HEAVY BARREL

P1010528
Originally uploaded by AAgpalo.

What I didn't expect to see on flickr. With a little looking through the selection, there is a reason behind this weapon.

And for this, you get the distinguished Discrimination Award

To the Muslims over the worold, I implore you. If you think, know or suspect any terrorist activity -- point out suspects and activities. Too often, a bomb explodes and there are people picking up the pieces and others looking for clues. Still, other Muslims cheer, dance and in other ways condone the murder of others via worn bomb, timed, or random act. I can't think of a US channel cheering over Hezbollah's death tolls. I can't see a TV channel delighting with the death in Iraq. I don't see BBC broadcasting citizens dancing in the street with Al Queda arrest.

It should be no wonder then, that this group of 20 people were Muslim, wanting to blow up plane loads of people on their way to and from UK and US. This is furthers stereotypes.

To the Muslims of the world, be pro-active and root out this evil-doers. Soon, their actions and the generalized (or over generalized) response of Muslims complacent or condoning their actions will lead to one thing ... Arab and Muslim discrimination. "Who cares", might be a response, until Muslims are nearly or outright banned from US entry (even visiting). Continued bombing and murder plots will only further the gulf between very diverse cultures. I would guess, in another couple of decades of this madness -- there will be an unwritten, "open season" on Muslims, regardless who or where they are. That's a damn shame!

What do I suggest -- cut it out! Stop it! Eliminate your own terrorist groups. Wipe them out completely, rather than non-Muslims getting too tired to fight people one-on-one and go to a more defensive screen -- genocide. I believe soon, Muslims will indeed get genocide -- of themselves, by people tired of having to defend themselves from them. There are only a few strings left keeping Israel from genociding any and all Muslims. The US and UK aren't keen on them either.

I can think of many groups and, yes -- states that would volunteer for para-military action if there were no bag limits on killing of Muslims, not that they would care anyway. Herein, they would base it on "reletive color" rather than culture, language, clothing, region, and many other specifics. Bubba and kin, and Rolf and his neo-Nazi cadre, illegally armed would just love to make the world safe for "whitey".

Loss control

I'm thinking of Van Halen here, but I missed my appointment today. I should restate that I didn't attend my appointment, rather than "miss" it. Sales, sales, sales (like "Guns, guns, guns."+).
My sister told me of the hell that is her life. Much like dominoes: son gets pulled over twice in one day (having to drive to pick him up in Ohio), husband gets in accident last night suffering possible whiplash, daughter has repeat infection.
Perhaps Brainstew would be a better song.

+ Robocop, stated by Clarence Bodiger

I don't wanna!

I have an interview today, for which I'm to allow one to two hours. What the? I'm to bring a recent copy of my resume' and a list of questions.
So, if I sent my resume to get the job, then why do they need it again?
I have never, and I mean never, had a two hour interview. The longest interview I've had, sans demonstration of products, was 35 minutes. It's like a bad date after a while. So, is there a way that I could not insult you too badly by running the [blank] away from this? You see .. I think live liver extraction might be more pleasant. One to two hours ... talking about the history of the company, career path ... It sounds like mumbo jumbo, hocus pocus. You have the box of stuff that everyone wants, then you sell that and make money.
Actually, it's selling financial to senior citizens, but apart from cold calling, I guess I'm to either get a condo for presentations, rent out a local restaraunt for free lunch and consultation, or sell my soul to Satan. Ha! I don't think so ... uh, uh. No, sir.
I guess I'll go; I don't know. Sounds like a typical sales job. He already planned a one to two hour interview? To talk about what? Maybe there's something else planned. I've been targeted by the mob. Show up for death. I'll look to see if I'm walking on plastic.

Heathen to heretic in just one book

My sister regards me as a heathen and I guess that I am. I don't often spout religion and in a week ago post, cursed like a sailor, but generally am tame. I don't go to church -- mark of evil, surely because only good sinless people go to church, right? Put God first, but act in a selfish manner, which is what I often see people do. God died for your sins, so let's do some sinning! It irks me that I am labeled because I don't get on a denominational bus. Well, you can't be getting there, can you if you aren't on a bus.

I tried to speak on religion with my sister, but she's on a pedestal there, untouchable. Sadly, no one is close to perfect and to believe so is a lie. Anyway, I know well enough not to discuss it, for my rational mind finds illogic in some steadfast, near or dead center fundamentalist thinking. I do not discuss books or nearly anything religious or Christian based with her. Our father didn't adhere to this principle.

He read a book that really defined evolution as the only reasonable conclusion one could make -- including macroevolution, while the author maintained his Christian beliefs. To my sister, it was like holding an orange flag cheering for red team. In no uncertain terms does she find evolution heretical. There couldn't be such a relationship to things, yet she does concede that some parts of the bible are difficult to interpret, though her sect has the only real meaning.

There's where I would come in and be heretical, but I held my tongue. Sadly, my father's on the religious **it list for thinking and speaking and hearing evolution. It, after all, has e - v (o) - l (more letters) - i, which rearranged spells evil. Sad to say those same people could not see that it also makes live.

pulling an R2 move

The energy company suggests, that if you remove the safeguards on consumer protection, consumers will win.
[click and it's done]
Hey! Where are the competitive prices; where's the supply; bring back what I had before!
-- safeguards, what safeguards?
The ones we had on the books.

R2D2, of course suggested that the restraining bolt be removed so that the secret message remain secret and that he could wander off into the desert at night in persuit of Ben Kenobi. Ultimately, it cost R2D2's friend, an arm.

Hezbollah has an idea

Hey! Lebanese troops! Why don't you go down to the south and create a buffer between Israeli troops and us. Doesn't that sound like a good idea? Yeah, you see, we'll be behind you -- way behind you. Get them to gather in a circle and we'll (strategically) strike them. Some of you may not come back, but you'll be grand martyrs in the halls of Hezbollah, right under the carpet.
Pawns, no. You see, in chess, pawns can be elevated to higher ranking pieces and, well, that won't happen to you, but thanks for playing.

I think this breaks down to a bully claiming, "that's not fair!"

Civil War

or in Western terms, Smear the Queer.
Hezbollah has the ball, and it running with it. Hez is going, going, going ... oh! Hez is smashed out and the ball is recovered by Hamas. Hamas is running now, running and is knocked off his feet by Hez. Hez and Hamas are really fighting now, but wait! Here comes Sunni. Sunni, remarkably snatches the ball away and is charging down the field. He doesn't see bin Laden off the right and it taken out -- ouch! Body check. Ooh! bin Laden fumbles with the ball ... it skitters away.
Out of nowhere, Iran himself comes off the sideline -- illegal by the way, and snatches the ball off the ground and is heading away. He stops to announce his victory and spouts some rhetoric and pow! Hez, Hamas, Sunni, Shiah dive on him like free tea! The ball is hit up in the air.
-- This game is brought to you by petty fighting and inconsistencies in supposed religions loving God and mankind; now, back to our game --

Hezbollah brings out a weapon. Uh, oh ... the others are worried. Hack! He cuts off his own hand! Shiah, not to be outdone pulls out a weapon and cuts off his arm and stabs Hez. Sunnis are desperate now ... instinctively, he pulls out a gun and shoots madly into the air, then the crowds, then Hez and Sunni, wounding them seriously.
bin Laden looks unafraid and drops a grenade. Time widdles away, yet they all stand.
Hamas smiles grimly, opens his shirt revealing explosives equaling his body mass. Just before the grenade explodes, Hamas kills everyone.
While there isn't a winner here, Hamas claims victory of the field -- for what's left of it -- crater.

naughty bits

comics by Julia

Nerf birder

SWAINSON'S HAWK 2
Originally uploaded by R Baxter.

SWAINSON'S HAWK according to the poster. This person has some really excellent photos. If only I were so lucky and talented.

Blog Master General

I'm not the blog master general! Well, you ought to have that title! I gave up reading your blog ages ago. If I were to try to read it, which I don't, I would have to take up speed reading, for there are tens of entries daily.

Yes, yes, yes. If I had a job, I'd blog less. So, if you know of a job that pays okay, let me know and I'll blog less, work more and be happier all around. Thank you,
please remit 42 cents for mailng US snail mail.

bang bang bang on the windows

I saw the movies Birds and wonder if the wretched things are playing out that movie now. They are wacky crack funky with slamming into windows. Hey -- birdie -- there isn't a sky in here. I would estimate around twelve hits a day on the window -- around the number of hits my blog gets. Birds and the blogs -- irony.

James Potty

James Potty realizes that locking the bathroom door, really wasn't a good idea, esspecially after 36 iced teas.

James Potty finds a Plumber has left him a card for his constantly running toilet.

see originals here

girl prepares strip cam

girl prepares strip cam
Originally uploaded by MDH, II.

another caption would be: "word web cam" and word, "stripper" complimented with picture, generates hundreds of hits.
Hey -- want traffic to your site -- include these words. Of course, the family blog might get lots of traffic for pleasure seekers, but ... that's the cost.

I'll fit this right in under the diaper changing story.

Cerpicio's Fire

0808062034.jpg
Originally uploaded by Cerpicio.

I love fire, not pyromanic (sexual arrousal), but I wasn't involved here. This is impressive, sorry that I wasn't part of the action.

We could play some "Fire Woman" by Cult, or "Fire ..." by Iron Butterfly

It could have been titled, "[my name] in charge of small campfire". "Benchwarmer exceeds expectations."
"Small housewarming"
"Audience Awed by Large Fire Display"; eh, it works.
Local artist fires up ceramics in schoolyard.
It says here to, "heat polymer to correct temperature before applying"
Conan impersonator dies, mournful crowd attends funeral pyre.

Thanks Cerpicio for the picture for catchy titles.
Blaze at 11:00.

+ Big Worm is character from Friday

Big Worm politics

When your playing with my money, your playing with my emotions! Don't mess with me Smokey!
If you think about it, congress isn't that far from Big Worm. One of his last statements, after taking a boy's money without giving him his ice cream treat was, "My money!"

Canada and US call truce

Canada, seeing that the US has greater firepower in the way of Dixie Chicks as being annoying, has agrred to withdraw Celine Dion from the US when the Dixie Chicks are pulled back to the US.

I like big bucks and I cannot lie

You working people cannot deny

Man, Monster (Jobs) ain't got nothing to do with my selection ...
"comission sales, underpaid labor, unskilled trades", huh! Only if it pays 5-3 ($53,000)!

So your job offers potential money, and claim that it ain't funny,
well funny don't pay no bills o'mine, my bills don't want none unless you got cash Hon!

Give me a CNN job -- Real Cash, Real Fast (as long as it's legal)

Go West!

Pioneers now, the Schellenbachs will be going West, well, very western Illinois. Doesn't that just pan out to typical reality? There you are, well settled in your house, life, job ... now a family of three and POW, you plan to move. Life either kicks you or is getting kicked by you. Hmphf!

Dear K.,

I hope that this larger firm pays for relocation or compensates you for your move of faith! I'm sure you took it knowing the changes. It'll be sad to see you four (your doggy too) moving farther. I don't know anything about where you're heading, only -- that it is NO CHICAGO. You might have some better travel though.

I sent your webpage to my brother-in-law, who's a department chair for AUTOCAD, AUTODESK (etc.) classes and training at IVY TECH (South Bend). Hopeefully, his students see your work, and listen to your podcasts.
.....
Though not needing cowboy boots and spurs, they might need to adapt to the locals ... changing customs. "You ain't from 'round here ... is ya?"

Cerpicio gets me to laugh

Yesterday, I got a call from Cerpicio and it started with a job tip for me, as I'm still looking for a job. It concluded with [drum roll please], "What are you doing on the 26th? You see, we're moving and, uh ..."

It therefore makes my year complete ... helping at least three different people/families move. For the last four years, I have helped at least three people/families move each year -- not always the same families. It appears to be as constant as the seasons.

Thanks Cerpicio for the great laugh and I'll be there to help you, your wife, and your cats move. BTW: MR called me on Monday and asked me directions on how to do a driveby on your house. He drove by and viola! He saw the present homeowners there. I hope there isn't a CQuin incident there.

Very, very disturbing scenes from TV

It starts out tame and gets wicked. I don't watch a lot of TV and I dare say that I wouldn't let children in my care watch much of it either. Deplorable. America should just turn off the TV. Now, if this were on pay channels -- not that it would matter, but if they were, perhaps it would make sense.

Stand up, turn off, go read books!

undeniable

Dear Annie: I would like to comment on the letter from "Jane Smith" regarding unusual names.

I am a teacher and have had classes with a Napoleon and a Wolfgang, and I would like to tell parents who are considering an unusual baby name to try it out first. When meeting new people, introduce yourself with the name you are considering for your child and see the response.

There have been children in my class who have not raised their hands because they were embarrassed to hear their names called. Children can tease and make fun of the most common name. An unusual one truly invites a lifetime of grief. I know because I also have an unusual first name and have experienced these feelings for 58 years. -- M.

Dear M.: Thanks for the firsthand testimonial. Parents who are considering unusual names ought to follow your suggestion.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

courtesy of: Annie's Mailbox
I don't read it, but this one was mentioned to me by my father. It is true.

4 pounds and 60 decibels

There is a neighbor dog who is especially cute, sweet and lovable. You'll know when he's out with the squeals. It's akin to the sound of an RC airplane in a not-so-monotomous tone. I was mowing today, and as per normal -- there he was. I petted him the best that I could but as high-strung as he is, he wouldn't sit still. I don't think I could get that ratio from speakers, and not so loving.

Constitutionally Gay

I looked through some old flickr pics and found one guy marked a nativity picture as a favorite. I looked through his pictures and he had loads from a Catholic demonstration or was it? There were many, many, many supporting "Equality". Equality for what, one might ask. I thought -- for what, gays? Yes, there was a group for gays -- marriage. There were Catholics in the mix supporting gay marriage, however that works.
Also there was "Jewish Community Supports Catholic Gay marriage". I bet they do. You see, the new slogan is, "Just f*** 'm!" Ultimately there will be fewer catholics, as there are more non-procreative parishoners. That's an ingenious plan! I don't know the state or city. The photographer's perspective was unclear, but the rally did give me one thing -- material for jokes.

Uh, isn't that supposed to be "love your brother and fellow man?" Yeah, love or (rhymes with duck) him, what's the difference?
We want a constiutional ammendment to declare that we're gay! Okay, you're gay [in writing].
What's that dancing going on in the center? They're -- oh my -- get the firetruck!
Sir, we must do something, they are blocking the city county building. Okay, rig up Judy Garland music to the ice cream truck and lead them away out of town.

thanks again for less spam

Brightmail and Earthlink drop my spam lower, but not price.

My known spam seems to be dropping by 25 per week. That is excellent! Soon, it should be under 100, very managable. I guess either they are giving up or someone put on SPAM RAID, kills spam dead!

stop it

stop it
Originally uploaded by MDH, II.

This is an example of what gets a lot of hits ... "tits". I posted pictures of other things, but this picture has genereated more hits in two days than most of my pictures (lifetime).

Buxom woman with bouncy breasts asks the view to stop looking at them, and instead, listen to what she's saying. "Good Good".

career builder, the new unintentional cartoon

Are there enough keywords there? "Job, money, sex, drugs ... billions, trillions." I wonder if there is a limit to the number of keywords you can use. If you use that many keywords to get people to find you, uh ... you really aren't specific and I would venture that it isn't a job that I'd want.

Muy local

We are so grand that we don't have a local number. We are so legitimate that you can't apply online.

If you have to tell people what you are, then you don't demonstrate it well OR, you right out aren't what you say you are.

New finder

Equip this tourist scope with hellfire missiles and you can see the wonder of the city and select targets for removal. Perhaps more towns should have these.

trends

I posted many pics on flickr. It's funny. I posted Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. scenes from his "I have a dream" speech and I get no views. I put "bulge" in response to a very old humorous British window washer commercial, 1 view. I use the word, "breasts" concerning a video where a woman is suddenly aware of the viewers' attention on her breasts, and pow -- more views. I wonder if I used other terminology for them.

I think it underscores stats ... sex sells -- women's anatomy sells better, faster, more frequently. To deny this is to lie to one's self. I should have named my blog something like that to draw lots of hits.

BTW: "cute" doesn't garner any more hits than "sweet"
"breasts" (or the equivilent), "money", [sexual terms], "chocolate" generate hits.

I also have nature pictures ... more common (public) photos of mine. "moss" got no hits but lady cardinal got views. So do "hot" topics like Hezbollah and Hassan pics. An earlier blog I mentioned supporters, well beyond the southern Lebanon area.

Man, oh, man!

I am so happy with the new form, sir. You don't know how long I spent with a long-winded spiel about why John Doe doesn't get the job or why Jane Doe can't be a part of our great team. The new form letter, "F*ing No!" is so refreshing. I put in the name at the top, courtesy of MS Word and pow! It prints off thirty thousand. Better still ... I'm not mailing a blinking thing! I email those bits and sit back and peruse the internet for stuff. Thanks boss.

What about the recipients? Oh, I guess the "F*ing NO!" should be simply ... "No, not at this time ---



loser!"

I got one with a stationary, watermark circled "L". What does that mean?

Just say no

I keep seeing this or a link to it in job searches. "Go Army". How about go away army! I still fall under the extended enlistment age of 42; for those bowflex users and I'm still not biting. Now, if I were a tactiction* and was guaranteed real benefits, I might consider it -- for seconds. I don't want to join army, navy, air force, marines even though it's a great place to start. I don't want to join the National Guard and defend my life --- oh, I mean the border ... of Syria, Jordan ... or the US, maybe.

* tactical specialist

Language

Firefox Lingo, my foot! Firefox B-ling -as are having all yor baasses. It's still in the crawling stage, beyond infant but still at todler stage. The syntax is terrible, making reading like driving on the grooved shoulder (bumps every 0.3 seconds reminding you to slow). Sometime soon, it will be more accurate, having a larger base of euphemisms and phrases. I saw a referring page to one of my blogs was from Sweden. Her blog was a sad one, with reflections of a passed loved one.

Hezbollah has a following

Israel sends bombs to southern Lebanon and Hezbollah sends out the word of the evils of Israel. I cannot believe at the following this group has. I'd say a group that killed 240 some Marines in '83, and will never stop attacking the military of Israel (as they have claimed), isn't a group I could support. The leader, cleric Sheik Hanssan Nasrallah has said that he isn't interested in a war with the US. I don't think that he can see the relationship between Israel and the US. I really don't see the US siding with too many fundamentalist Muslim groups or nations.


I can understand him having a following in Lebanon, but in other nations -- a wonder. As I was looking at flickr, a woman had pictures pro Nasrallah and against Israel. Now, I know that it's very unlikely, given her name and that she's posting on the internet that she's from southern Lebanon. I can just see her typing away, if covered, her messages on how evil Israel is, from a bombed-out building. Oh, wait ... no. She's probably in the West, away from the fighting.

Hey, make a stand for them -- join them in southern Lebanon. I personally think that she should be a part of that. Be a real groupee.

I did see on MSNBC that Hezbollah and bin Laden supposedly don't share some ideals and are from different groups, Sunni and Shiate. If that is so, and they have a tear war between the two, that would be excellent, but not for the citizens. I think, however, it might show the lunacy in their warfare in that civilians and children are preferred targets with missiles, as the military can be taken down with other methods.

Another thing I find amazing is why the media had to tell people why children make "great" targets. Obviously when killed, they end a generation, are smaller (weaker), and it demoralizes the enemy. That works only on small scales. If that group were to try that in America ... I think the US would evacuate everyone from Israel. Yep -- you all can have that place, for the next 500,000 years. You won it! [missiles in the air] Go ahead. Take it!

The US would not back down on targeting children. Hell! I'd break into installations and fire the nukes myself. Israel has an edge. While Syria has clearly sided with Hezbollah -- selling them weapons and providing shelter to terrorists; clearly they have to obtain them from somewhere, like Iran. If Iraq goes postal (civil war eminant), getting weapons through might be easy or impossible. Also, the US could snipe the convoys without suspicion.

I'm not a supporter of civilian killing, but I can't fault Israel from defending itself again as it will always have to do while it is surrounded by groups wanting to kill it. I still maintain that Israel, for whatever arguments people make against them, had a fairly peaceful area with Jews, Christians and Muslims alike. Name a Muslim area or nation with Christians -- Jews. That's right, you can't! I cannot side with groups who kill non-Muslims.

hull breech

I was painting again. It seems to be my lot in life. I finished and when I was cleaning out brushes and trays, the outside well (not where one gets water) was filled with paint water and plant materials. Because of the materials -- the water went nowhere. I thought that it would eventually drain and went in to wash my hands then shower. I went to the basement (opposite side of well) and the paint water had crept in, along the floor (under the joining door to the outside). I dropped scrap towels to hold back what could have been a flood. I went outside and bailed the excess water from the well. After the well was 5 mm filled with water, very safe, I returned to clean up the mess.

It had crept under a storage cabinet, thankfully plastic and easier to move. It also went under the clothes washer, so I had to move it and clean the mess there. Yikes! It had been a while seen I had pulled back the cabinet and the washer. Goo, eww ... and gross! Suffice to say that the energy I had for the second coat of paint today, was spent on the water disaster. I am spent.

The good news is that God was looking out for me, in that it rained heavily in the afternoon and the plugged well would have been an issue, perhaps. Thanks God!

Bed Bath & Beyond reviewing your work

Did you see your own ad at all? Did you consider, maybe, fixing it? If this is their best, their best won't do.

spambuilder

Careerbuilder dot com is trying to enable spam, apparently.

That's rather likesuborning perjury, isn't it?

Small business owners

Capital One -- or, MR's favorite commercial.
Do they normally catch on fire like that?

jwomen

What are jwomen?

what's the meaning of it?

Party of God? God doesn't use Ak-47s.

Realistically, if you claim allegiance to God, while firing a gun -- you are lost and have rejected God. God is Love, not hate, killing. Persoanlly, I think this is very telling of what Hezbollah really is -- slayers, hate-filled slayers. To believe that they aren't terrorists is ... naive!

Perhaps there's a hidden message in the flag that I'm missing about peace, love, or compassion. The group assists its fellows with health and in other ways, but "killing in the name of God"? Where was that in the text?

cartoons that weren't

I am so tired of those anti-drug ads. Worse still, I always want to light up after I see one.

Hey! I can't believe that you're looking at my eyes!

She jumped to sit next to the hottie.

too much salsa

changed for my satisfaction

be it in Scottsdale, Arizona or Biloxi, Tennessee (may offend)

CSI is a stupid show. To celebrate this, I found a pic from anime. Aparently the refurbisher of the anime felt the same or that the "accident" and death investigation were summarily pointless.

Yes, I know ... it's rude, but I'll keep it!

false forest footsteps

On the peripherial of the meadow, edging toward the forest, undergrowth eiks out an existence, protected -- given sunlight be virtue of the meadow. Approaching this, with camera in hand, I'm asailed with mosquitos on a misson of blood, successful for many. I'm deafened a bit from the buzzing, the vile critters entering my ear, yet I hear a peculiar sound. The rustling I hear is right in front of me. I stand silent, looking.
I hear it then to me left, then to my right. It sounds 5 - 8 yards away (~ 10 meters). I can't smell the thing. It's a person, right? The person or persons aren't talking and they don't seem to be getting closer. I'm at a loss as to what's happening. I'm so wrapped up in it, I couldn't hear anything else -- not even the incessant mosquitoes. Are the trees moving ... no. Their trunks are righted and the wind isn't moving the branches. What then is the noise?

I see leaves move. There is an imaginary line of bent leaf, then bent leaf, bent leaf... something fell. I look again, another, odder path, but branches, limbs and leaves are struck. Something's dropping. I don't know ... acorns? No. They are buckeyes being picked apart, pieces being chiselled away by the tens of squirrels in the trees. Flakes strike leaves making false footsteps.

I know this, because I stood under a tree with a group of squirrels doing this, where the flakes rained down on me. The ground around the tree, becoming green and yellow from the inedible/untasty parts of the buckeyes, in favor of the nut and the meat of it's center. A forest isn't haunted -- only your mind.

screamers & streamers

10:30 was the right time to go through the streets anouncing swim-team victory this year.  What's special about that time?  I suppose that most people are awake and that others are at church.  It was, nontheless, startling to hear horns and cheers in this ten vehicle convoy including rented trolleys.  The city, where I live doesn't have real trolleys, but the appearance of them on truck frames -- rentable.

 

To their credit, they normally finish in the top 5, more reguarly in the top 3 and apparently the top team this year.  As a testiment to their being here, a lei or boa lies in the street, green, joyless, lifeless -- having been and touched.

 

I won't scream, but it's great that they won again.  They don't check for steroids, but I think that isn't a concern.  Way to go!  Also, thanks for not starting it at 7:00 this morning as I rested poorly last night.

It should be illegal

I know what he's thinking.

I know that there could be a cleaner, lazier thing that has entered his mind, but my mind is murkier, filthier -- kept so with my vile thoughts that I grow like weeds and a cherished garden.

I missed meeting up with friends ...

I wonder what I missed. Hopefully someone will post something!

New addition

reader beta spell and link check! Thanks MR! The McLaughlin links should now be fixed.

blown apart

blown apart
Originally uploaded by MDH, II.

Some people have some serious fears based on reality. Here a target is destroyed by pressure from a remote bomb. This is not, however, a person, but a human-shaped target.

Upon closer examination of the target, if not instantly killed, massive bleeding wout ensure death.

While I have my own little "perspectvie" on this small sampling, it is from Discovery Channel's "Future Weapons", which covered different types of explosions.

This prefaced a demonstration of a new explosive used in Afghanistan against cave-protected Taliban and Al Quada.

Death comes in many different flavors and colors.

dog duty -- this isn't me

It's just something you have to do.

Something stinks about this particular job!

More diabolical changes

You people from Dinette Set comic strip, all look like Drew Carey!

problem in the woods

I was in the woods trying to get some really good photographs. I heard a distrubance around me and saw this! I almost instantly, inadvertantly marked my territory (in a manner of speaking). Yep; I claimed my pants and then I bravely ran away -- yes, I bravely ran away!

Potentially hot

Lewd, crude, rude, and potentially offensive, but also potentially hot!
.....................
names removed/delelted to protect identities.

It's not what it looks like?

okay, maybe not, but a straight man would not do this! +
......................

Yes, I know them. The names have been removed/deleted to protect their identities.

+ Do you know how I know you're gay?