Civil War

or in Western terms, Smear the Queer.
Hezbollah has the ball, and it running with it. Hez is going, going, going ... oh! Hez is smashed out and the ball is recovered by Hamas. Hamas is running now, running and is knocked off his feet by Hez. Hez and Hamas are really fighting now, but wait! Here comes Sunni. Sunni, remarkably snatches the ball away and is charging down the field. He doesn't see bin Laden off the right and it taken out -- ouch! Body check. Ooh! bin Laden fumbles with the ball ... it skitters away.
Out of nowhere, Iran himself comes off the sideline -- illegal by the way, and snatches the ball off the ground and is heading away. He stops to announce his victory and spouts some rhetoric and pow! Hez, Hamas, Sunni, Shiah dive on him like free tea! The ball is hit up in the air.
-- This game is brought to you by petty fighting and inconsistencies in supposed religions loving God and mankind; now, back to our game --

Hezbollah brings out a weapon. Uh, oh ... the others are worried. Hack! He cuts off his own hand! Shiah, not to be outdone pulls out a weapon and cuts off his arm and stabs Hez. Sunnis are desperate now ... instinctively, he pulls out a gun and shoots madly into the air, then the crowds, then Hez and Sunni, wounding them seriously.
bin Laden looks unafraid and drops a grenade. Time widdles away, yet they all stand.
Hamas smiles grimly, opens his shirt revealing explosives equaling his body mass. Just before the grenade explodes, Hamas kills everyone.
While there isn't a winner here, Hamas claims victory of the field -- for what's left of it -- crater.