On Friday, my mother experienced a psychotic episode. It was terrible to experience. To make things worse, my niece needed a ride, my sister who couldn't handle my mom's psychotic episode didn't know how to get to the school. Sadly, I had to leave her there and it tore her to shreds. I then had to tell my father, but he took some news better than I thought. He's sleepless and looks like Hell. I am thankful I am driving him.
Sadly, I have so many frustrations and no way to solve them. My two sisters from Indy area are up here, otherwise I might better be able to deal with my stress in a loud way. Again, I bury my problems to release the emotional pandora's box later.
I must be strong -- I didn't ask for it.
...........
The psychotic episode was brought on by at least four main factors: pain from double-knee replacement surgery and back spasms, dangerously high blood pressure, high blood sugar (she's diabetic), possible reaction to four pain medications she was taking.
While I will never forget it, my mother has no recollection of it. Good for her, it might affect her badly to know what happened.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Nightmare
Holes!
If only it were a happy-ending movie about juvenille boys in a correctional detention center in the desert looking for hidden treasure. No, it is about the holes in my stomach that are growing. I've not had my stomach checked, but I feel the holes -- acid, burning, despite my eating Tums and Pepcid AC like candy. If I could find a way out of stress, I could eliminate the pain once and for all, but that isn't soon coming.
My sleep is in theory only. I rest, I lie in bed, but never feel rested.
My mother was moved from one unit to the ICU for a dangerously high blood pressure. When I left her tonight, she was in some pain, but her blood pressure was just fine. She's still delusional, but has longer periods of somwhat effective communication. It is taking a toll on my father.
I predict that she'll be transferred out of ICU back to the regular unit tonight or tomorrow.
I wish I smoked.
Friday, August 25, 2006
reasons why I don't sleep
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
phone woes
I got two phone calls today:
1. Paralyzed Hoosier Veterans; thankfully I ccould cut him off short, to two minutes declining to contribute.
2. Government Grants called me about that "grant" I pursued "a couple of months ago". "That was last year", I told the phone operator. She was at a loss for words.
Curs-ed!
stinking theme song! It's catchy, making it very grand -- for the Japanese anime, Azumanga Daioh. I read the translation, for however accurate that is, and it's neat until the last few lines, where it -- loses transcultural relativity.
The translations of the anime (plural) are intersting for, I don't think there is a Japanese equivelent to "friggin'", which was used on one anime. I'm also geussing that in Japanese, "fuck" isn't used as a profanity. I'd find that as likely as statuatory rape being "tabboo" in France. As a side note, rape is not a crime in France. Makes women just flock to get there, eh? The city of romance could be the city of Peppe Le Pew, not really vile in France.
...
Since I could only call someone and wake them and give them a different song in their head to alleviate mine, this song goes with me to bed. Great, just great!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Ripley's BS or not
man buries self in soil to then eat 1000 some nightcrawlers to successfully enter Ripley's and possibliy Guiness. What a freak. Now, I could understand doing that if you were hungry or rationalized that it was better, more "ethical", or healthier to eat them, but on a dare or possible entrance to written notoriety -- stupid. I wouldn't train a camera on him. I saw, with my mother today around 45 minutes, not-consecutively, of TV. They had Sci-Fi Ripley's with junk ideas. The coneheads -- Andean culture that intentionally deformed their skulls for aesthetics, were unshocking. The model, "Cassie" as if I should know her, wore paint and beads instead of clothes. It took 9 hours to apply, but what they didn't discuss was what happened when she sweated? It supposedly lasted two days. I guess no one got lucky then, right?
Were I writing it, I would change the bits, joining them. How about a guy eating all of the painted clothing off the girl, taking 8 hours to completely eat every bit of it. Not previously mentioned was a Georgian (Russian) computer programmer who set up a cat entry door to prevent the cats from bringing in their catches. He put together, of course, a **ssy checker.
I also saw a bit of a Gary Grant movie where he was a pilot in South America, mail delivery. No, not Air America. It was weak and timed poorly. The one joke I did hear was, "They're not stopping at Port [I forget the name]. They have no bananas."
"They have no bananas?"
"Yes, they have no bananas." They, of course, missed "Today"
writing again
feelings warped, in space-time ... a kyper belt of shit! Perhaps, too unknown ... the asteroid belt of crapola and detestable feelings, angst, depression, doubt, regret, and more. These lumps never were a planet, never were anything, but a barrier. These lumps, if accelerated and directed toward me, do pose a threat. For now, they only circle in silent orbit a planet away. I'd almost rather not have feelings. With feelings is the responsiblity to act in union with feelings and reason. To that end, I've black holes in my stomach, consuming me.
Third planet, special only by its inhabitants. Do Uranians care -- doubt it!
Pentium Boop
Boop Boop Boop Bee Doop -- Boop!
"To its credit, I loaded Windows XP on a Pentium 2, 400mhz and it ran reasonably well. I would recommend a lot of RAM to compensate, however, as XP makes good use of it." -- MR
I'd say, "throw in another hamster" on the wheel. The secondary problem is on old systems, USB ports are absent. No indiginous life, essentially a big rock (out in space). Throwing in new pieces and parts and appliances -- after a while, I'd say, skip that noise! Just buy the $700 model and load it with student-version Office and whatever else. I have tried a few non-XP apps, and some makes XP as flakey as hell, but mostly the app just stays like a tree's shadow, you can change its shape but it doesn't move under your control.
I'm sure, at some point, as quickly as tech is growing, older concept must fall by the wayside and become obsolete. If only other social ideas were the same, but I'll not tangent. Really, the RAM is the limitation on any computer. Processing time matters only when you are doing 500 complex things similtaneously. Other than that, moments only. The Office 2000 with dial-up. Really, dial-up therein is a major hurdle.
Where they are located, it's pretty much Skywalker ranch, and not George Lucas'. I'm talking desolate area with no tech within a bike's distance (3 miles). There's GM, but there isn't cable on their side. Clearly, GM has city water, cable, power, phone, etc. An area (addition) of 25 houses isn't enough for Comcast or Verizon to knock itself out about getting customers. Country bumpkins, in other words, in the eyes of others.
Confession: stupid human trick
Being bear-like, not bearish, I have a stupid little thing that I can do. When I walk around a bit on carpet and yank off my shirt quickly -- viola! I can make glowing static electricity, my special effects shirt flying through the air, with the dim greenish-blue glow of static running along it. I haven't found the best color shirt to see it when thrown in complete dark. No, it's not a new trick and it's nothing I've shown anyone, but hey -- it's a stupid human trick.
When you're covered in fat and fur (bearlike), you get a small tokken of a thing, not a talent. The static electicity is no more exciting than foil-plastic-paper chip bags, that they no longer make. Mild light show with thermal discharge (mildly warmer).
Tabloid news: Fur man takes off shirt, lights a room for an hour. Monkeyjack suggested that I had sopped up enough lake water that it lowered an inch when I exited it.
dear sanity
I've missed you so much, I'm glad that you're back here to bring me misery with reason and rationale. Better still, the stark realities that are. Thanks for moving back in with me. I was lonely in my blissful chaos and unruly mindlessness. Reality bites. Do you have an ointment for that? My madness, sheilding, weilding power over realizations. Damnit! I thought I kicked my sanity out the blinking window! All sanity's stuff was gone -- like garbage day tomorrow; I better get it there stat!
I've spent a lot of time away from a mirror and when I look again, it's a scary, scary sight. Zombies, me for instance, walk among us. Rather than toil the soil at the call of our soul keeper, human demon, I toil away at life's displeasures and am mocked by my sanity that I booted long ago.
My sanity, passerby, now lives with me. Damn I hate him! He is cruel, demanding and has a bullying pal reality.
Do you know how I know you're old?
Later, wild and crazy, then "small" then Father of the Bride. I think, perhaps, better in Parenthood wrecking the car while his wife tried to help him relax (ha ha) and wearing carpet strips for chaps -- befundling a superlogical gifted girl with the removable thumb trick.
Lou Marini as King Tut. Lou was later in another Saturday Night Live spinoff movie, Blues Brothers.
"They're sellin' you!"
Ignorant lie
Here we see Kasuga Ayumu "Osaka" playing volleyball. She reminds me very much of one neice, flighty, absent-minded and fascinated with things other than school -- including dust shifting in the wind.
....
I have taken a little sollace in anime and other novel featurettes under me two week stress. On Thursday, Mom has surgery and I hope and pray that it goes well. I'm tired and restless. Bills are stacking high and I'm not working. My stomach is a mess and I'm glad that I don't smoke. If I were a smoker, there would be a house fire already -- cigarettes lying on top of each other, never really finished -- like what's in my mind, 'never really finished'.
.....
I have been seeking a job in the local area 20-50 miles from the city, as FW has dried up its leads, for most jobs for which I qualify. There was an international posting from a semi-local company for teaching abroad. In the first posting it was South Korea, now they have posted Japan.
Boy, farther than a state away, Japan is Muy distant. From what I understand, it would be 1-year contractual. I would, of course, be teaching English to classes. The ages would very likely run child to adult.
I have so many thoughts in my mind, now mixed with the circle of doubt that John Karr has made for male teachers and male subs -- thanks [blank]hole! My stance on sex crimes is simple and well documented -- shoot the perps, save the people.
What the heck am I doing? I'm not clearly thinking. I need a way in, a way out, a way through. Japan (Nipon) teaching doesn't seem to do it, but it would be grand. I don't, however, like leaving the folks' lifeline to my sister here locally. Yoikes!
Like this scene here between two "outsiders" poor athletes, I feel like either girl and the ball, never long in control and the gesture seems pointless.
underwire support tech
This is me, how can I help you?
Oh, you have a Pentium 2 and you're wondering if it will run WinXP and be a fairly useful computer. Let me just get a little info. What speed is it? ummm hmmm, pardon me, just let me get one other thing ... [sound of me walking away from phone]
WWWHHOOOO -AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ahem, sorry
[returning to phone]
Uh, no. You don't want to try to run WinXP on that machine. I suggest using it as a boat anchor.
--------
satirical as it is, my sister called last night with computer woes and she hoped to get this old P2 to do tricks. Uh, uh, no.
I can do what?
I can put my job searches on my blog? OH BOY! That would be absolutely .............
F! ing pointless!
Number 4400
It isn't just a show. I think it has more meaning than the numbers on Lost. I believe that I have filled out that many applications and sent that many resume's -- well, it seems that way. I also seem to have sent MetLife about that many emails complaining. Since their response time is around 24 hours--good unless there's a two email minimum (2 drinks) to get across the need for contacting them. MetLife has a 2 or 3 email minimum, so don't buy drinks there.
...
I am approaching 25 asfaras "We noticed your resume'" line of BS to get me to respond. Thanks Monster, CareerBuilder, RegionalHelpWanted, Thingamajob, et al for making your system open to phishers, spammers, and scammers. One place was great at lying, but I thought there was something foul afoot when I had to set a time to call them. Call them? The number wasn't toll free; it's an Iowa number. I think I'll pass.
.....
We noticed your page [blah blah blah] and wanted you to put our ad on your page. That's funny! The page given to me had ABSOLUTELY no relevance to the place. It was a single blog entry, not even my blog generalized. You can count me out! You can count me out!
Yeah, I guess we'll just count you out of everything!
When you play with my money, you play with my emotions!
Dear MetLife, how are you? How is Mrs. MetLife? Are you having fun with my money? It's kinda funny that since it's all mine, mine all mine, not company invested, that you should play with it like it was yours. I think that I should soon eliminate all indebtedness to it and take all my money and put it in a company that handles it and responds quickly.
After many emails, as they don't post their talk-with-a-living-person phone number, they agreed to process the paperwork and will mail me a check. Now, what I don't understnad is that, "We put a hold on any loans, when an account (loan) is paid off with a personal check". So, when I'm paying off the loan of my money for 3 years, and I use personal checks that don't bounce, there's a special provision when I fully pay off a loan? That's a stupid wack rule, bar none--that's stupid.
Might I infer that all other money sent to them was held for 60 days in solitary confinement? I think not. I am supposed to be mailed a check this week. Great ... at a cost of a hundred due to late fees. Thanks MetLife!
Why, yes, I am below tredding water (financially), why do you ask? Does it show?+ title is quote from Friday, movie
Monday, August 21, 2006
Karr repair
After watching MSNBC last night on John Karr, I am fairly convinced of a few things:
There are some mixed messages from people who "knew" him. Once thing is for certain, he has an inferiority feeling that might be eliviated or lessoned by control over others. I am not sure that I understand why Alabama allows marriages of children of 13 year-olds to 19 year-olds. I would think that it should be outright illegal, but it seems that there may not be a clause requiring parental agreement. This was John Karr's first failed marriage. His second marriage collapsed after two boys were born.
Later he was dismissed for teaching behaviors, allegations, and demonstrated control-issues over others. Children are generally weaker, better targets for predators. I think clearly, he is a hetrosexual pedophile (for what difference that makes), but can be useful for tracking criminal behavior.
His strange obsession with criminal histories of Polly Klass and JonBonet are worrisome, but not criminal in themselves. His confession is likely a low point in his psyche. He was controlling, in that he held minimal paying sub jobs, yet survived fairly well, but matched with possible paranoia (not typical). He took traceable jobs (teaching is a government job, very traceable) so paranoia doesn't jibe well with a pedophile taking high risks in highly visible jobs. Relocating to Bangkok made more sense in that he could blend into a large city and become invisible despite his English-only and pronounced Euro-American visage.
His internet discourse, leading up to his arrest and then surprising confession, were interesting, but his confession is merely a ploy to overcome his inferiority. The inferiority stems, likely, from failed relationships, poorer paying jobs, inconsistent work, body physique and plummet from "successful-looking high school student" to downtrodden meager man, relatively insignificant.
To be sure, his first marriage alone is demonstrative of pedophilia, but his deranged affection for child murder is a clearer sign of what likely lies ahead for society if he isn't executed.
V for Vengence
When I saw this, I thought it was like an incomplete sentence. It was a startling, good sentence, but still not yet complete. I would rate this fairly high for adaption to graphic novel, as there are elements that cannot be portrayed in film as they can be in comic form and for condensing an elaborate series into the movie.
The incompletion was in characters, but that likely would have made it longer and boring. I think, really, the addtion of the Matrix effects didn't help it any. I would have rather had standard quick reflexes and sophisticated, but not 100% CG, as some of the scenes were, and obViously so.
I'm sure the author of the graphic novel read quite a bit of literature, based on its similarity to many more famous works and to the protagonist's vernacular and great use of classic and neo-classic literature and media.
I would give it a 7.2 (high, but I'm ranking it lower because it has little novelty to offer the second time around).
+ It is interesting that Natlie Portman had some scenes that, from a Star Wars fan, seemed, well, "borrowed".
frozen master
I didn't think I could find these, but I did, but boy -- what I saw was not good quality. It looked like a home movie of a home movie of a TV show.
Having watched Dungeons & Dragons the Saturday morning cartoon makes me old.
attic find
This is from The Grudge, which had a great thing of scary elements, timing, suspense. I think what the director, Takashi Shimizu, did well was using the special effects and scary moments in short bursts, not two minutes here, five minutes there. He timed the moments specifically.
Surprisingly, I liked this movie. I re-watched it recently. What else can you do when you are tired at 3:00 am and can't sleep?
