Some wit and wisdom of Mr. Mystery Guest

"Keith [stated as a long slurred word]. Tell Todd I'm gonna kill him!" after guzling a gallon of so-called kamikazees, which were 70% vodka (on average).

"I stopped a robbery at Walgreens. You see there was this guy with a gun. I used my electrical powers to stop him."
"You mean you shocked him?"
"No. I heated the gun and he had to drop it."

"The Yankees suck!" followed by his own, and only laughter.

"I'm just a loud peein' fool!" (sung)

(after puking) "Oh man! I didn't even eat Taco Bell!"

"You're the only woman I ever slept with!"

"Get that camera out of my face! _____ paparattzi! Every shot you have of me, I have some ______ thing sticking out of my mouth or on my tongue (lip)."

"You left me in Hell! Hell! It smelled so bad. It was like a big, perpetual fart!" in reference to an old job
"This job is bad." a movie quote used to describe this same job

"That's Easy-E!" when asked what he chose to hear on headphones. I listened and heard, "I need three holes when I want to _____" Charming

"Hey, I got this joke ... " (If only I were allowed to blank it out of my mind). Apparently / hopefully he was out of his mind when he told this terrible so-called joke that is so much unlike him. I won't finish his statement!

"I was a navy seal. I had to register my hands as lethal weapons downtown." Not a successful come-on line to ladies at the bar.

"I hope you have a (mystery guest's name) room. I need to sleep."
"You don't turn the lights off on a drunk man! What are you thinking!" shouted