War!

There is no winning.

new shock TV

They've had people swim through leeches, animal blood, seamen, guts, gore and eat the same. They've had rude candid statements and hate jokes and politically incorrect humor. They've had sex innuendos, nudity and swearing. How can TV really shock anyone ... there is no shock to it. How about real shock -- none of the above. How about a show where the underlying theme isn't to offend and appall?

LOTR flash

odd ... "TO RULE THEM ALL!" well used.

Between lives, between lines, between lies, between ...

[picture removed limited licence duration expired]

Rhymes with Orange by: Hilary Price
limited use permission granted byKing Features Syndicate · North America Syndicate Permissions A UNIT OF THE HEARST CORPORATION
Thank you

I prefer to think of it as confortably divorced.
get comics: daily ink

Watch and die

If you watch, you'll know

1, 2 Tivo's coming for you

3, 4 Never leave through the door

5, 6 Get your programming fix

7, 8 Gonna stay up late

9, 10 Nexer sleep again

Madness has a name

And then he blew it up completely ... the device, the idea, the weapons, the target, the whole _____ thing!

Everything's better with fire!

Peep popped in my mail

I think Paula is holding this puffy, fluffy pillow critter

courtesy of Cerpicio. Thanks!

Unintentional humor 1

Air Force One: release the prisoner, then call out "prisoner escaping" [fire]
Omen; housekeeper falls from three stories into an ambulance, "Quick! call her an ambulance!" (quote not in the movie)

R to PG the funny way

I remember George Michael came out with I Want Your Sex. Boy did the radio channels catch flack for that and they had to reissue it packaged as "love". In consideration of that, friends and I thought of Guns and Roses putting out many songs with [EXPLICIT LYRICS] -- even before the label. Perhaps the funniest song with the dub over of "love" or "luv" would probably be It's So Easy. That being the case, there is the two versions of 2 Live Crew's As Nasty as They Wanna Be, Me So Horny. They released "... Appetite for love". That was even more comical than their intended candid rudeness in their original song.

I don't find lyrical works that try the shock-value card to be to my liking now. Eninem and others who can't manage to speak without guttural slurs flowing forth, make for a poor conversationalist as well as a poor character. Themes of rape, drugs, violence ... hmmm ... nothing else. If you have only hate ... then that's all you have.

Here's a great little idea ... replace the sick dialogue from South Park with a new, "clean" dialogue.

movie credits help make decissions

I saw the opening credits for a movie, then I saw ...

Music by

Bon Jovi

[click next channel]
The movie was Young Guns, which I saw when it was new. I thought it was okay at the time, but I've not seen it since. Bon Jovi I could do without.

Gouging and business as usual

AOL buys Time Warner. How is that possible? It was by using accounting practices of 2001/2 being allowed to list some losses assets. It was also by the fine judgment that such companies weren't/aren't monopolies and limitations shouldn't be applied. Moreover, if you spoke with anyone who used the system, some paid up to $26 monthly. Now the same company is offering $10 monthly. Okay, so you were gouging a customer for months or years, now the rate is less than half of what it was. Hmmm .... how might that be possible?

Comcast, in Indiana, is now battling a competitor -- Verizon. They have "evils of communications companies" ads, stating that rates will go up. That's a funny statement from a company that raises rates annually like a raise to the company. Your monthly bill was $45, now $52, next $60, to cover costs, like ... our attempts to buy Disney and other companies.

Natural gas companies claiming that, there was an electrical storm in Beijing ... therefore, we have to raise rates of natural gas pumped from Kentucky. There is a rise in consuption, there must be a rise in price. There is a drop in consuption, there must be a price hike. There is no change in the gas or consumption, the company has chosen to raise the price.

We're a restaurant that' competing for your business. Our decor is ... flashy -- cool, though unchanged for 12-15 years ... Applebees. Our menu is neat ... slightly changed, though the prices rise twice a year, unlike many salaries.

Firing Banks ... NBD, BANK1, CHASE, J P Morgan ... what next? Patrons finally get checks, cards and info with the name [your bank here], when the new bank takes over, so then you wait. How about NFL (Not For Long)

You don't have enough in your account -- there's a surcharge for that. You don't use your account often enough --- there's a surcharge for that. You transfered money from account to account ... there's a surchage for that. The bank claims that it costs money to do that? Really. There's some person behind a desk typing all of that and not a computer doing it? What's that you say ... the bank has to make money? Like that bank doesn't make money on investments abroad on your money that you have there. Right.

Lies, lies, lies ... those who covet money are forever seeking ... much like a movie that I didn't think was worth the hype, Pirates of the Carribean. Two guys who parade around get women's attention. Keira Knightley is very cute, but was not in the most alluring in the show as she was allowed to be. She might show more shoulder in the next movie.

Also gouging, the movie industry ... pay lots for a so-so movie and furthermore be subjected to previews and advertisments well before the movie and then have those same ads inappropriate for the audience. How do ads for kids toys make sense in front of Saw 3 or adult-themed ads in front of Curious George? Do people understand their audiences or anything?

* in addtion to this, I would say that a Disney movie that they hope to be a new classic, should be non-pronographic.

America's Favorite insurance scam

I predict that later the insurance agencies will pay for this show, however not advertise this fact. It would be of interest to them to find out claimants who are on this show. Should they be able to get the names and addresses of persons in the videos? Moreover, some videos win as viewer favorites. Entrants who win money, should they be penalized for insurance claims?

One. If a claimant did not fraudulently fill out any paperwork prior to the incident, should the person be considered in violation of any law?

Two. Having filed the paperwork correctly, not directly violating the terms, but causing self-inflicted injuries through recklessness and stupidity, is the the claimant entitled to the full insured value?

Three. Should the claimant be able to justly win the moneyas a contestant despite the relatively dubious account of the injuries (losses to persons or property)?

Legally, the person claiming that s/he can't fully work as previously, shouldn't benefit financially twice. As a counterpoint, there shouldn't be a Big Brother accessing everything. In the US where wire-tapping is legal to prevent terrorism. Changing limitations opens things up to new difficulties, including insurance companies having even greater power than they have now. I certainly don't want that!

Insurance companies were able to avoid paying out to family and businesses in NY, NY on Sept. 11 and during natural disasters. The government protects them, and not just this administration --- decades of protection, where money goes government is fed.

^---- Wow; no segway led up to that, eh?

Star Wars ideas

Hardware Wars, 1978

Holiday Special ... believe it or not

Grocery Wars

Thanks George Lucas for the first three, which helped define a generation and give people hope and being okay with dreaming and science fiction.

Gee Studly, I'm so sorry

Harry is so sorry to have gotten in the way of that bullet that would have naturally expertly killed that penned quail. He wept since Dick was denied access to that hunting ranch for a period of 5 years -- essentially a death sentence for the very aging and weak-health Cheney.

Prior to being shot, he was given a reminder of the rules, "You die and we all move up a rank".

Rumor has it that Dick was tired of hearing that he presented a caring and loving, nurturing role and role model. "I had to shoot that rumor down! Do you know what that would have cost me, to be regarding as a lame duck, weak? I had to shoot. If not the bird, then the guy next to me. You see that, right?"

Yeah ... no more Mr. Nice Guy!

Candid Mad TV videos

Substitute teacher, Interjection, Nouns, Junction, Fatty Fatty Fatty.

Not quite Schoolhouse Rock

Indiana stadium I don't want

The stadium could reach $687.5 million. Well, I'm not paying for it! Will it get Indiana more money ... maybe. At that cost, it will take a long while to get it back.

"You and I will come out looking like heroes!"
It was a bad call Ripley, bad call ...
Bad call ... these investments are deead Burk, dead!

various videos

Ultimate Showdown; wacky song, flash graphics.
not QVC; gun for sale

Worth a look. I'll finalize my list sometime. The classics are great!

common

It's all over the internet, but I thought it was funny.

more service stories

Service industry jobs allow you to mingle with the public. From here, I found that I really didn't like people.

There were liars and theives and cheaters and felons. I later met the less-likable non-workers. Hillcrest allowed me to see the greuling trade of hard work. If you haven't had a tough service job, do ... then think about the servers who bring you food -- on their feet 8 some hours a day carrying your mess, sometimes with snot-filled tissues, half-spit food, backwash. Talk about disgusting, and often, they are carrying those plates with their hands, not on a tray. Tip hard workers --- they deserve it.

I met a child pornographer while at a job. He had a "man purse" and offered to stop a would-be shoplifer with his registered gun. There was a much-later job with a physically abusive Dabney Coleman (Mr. Hart character) who was a sexist ego-tistical lying hypocritical biggot. This same person was ... well, a wacked out freak who probably was bi, but didn't think anyone could tell. I think I've had more hypocritical bosses than honest ones.
I got to go to court to submit papers on a criminal conversion charge of an arrested thief the night before. Our good ol' legal system didn't properly inform me that my presence was not necessary, though the officers told me it was. I got there 8 something in the morning and waited until 9 something ... most of the poeple around were those who were charged. I sat until a court clerk told me that I didn't need to be there. Lovely sleep --- missing and never to be regained.

There were cheaters who openly had "relations" with fellow employees and didn't think twice about it. One person actually remarked to me that she tended to annoy a person directly prior to or during coitis to get him angry ... making the sex more intense. That's nice! Angry rape sex. Gosh ... I'm so into you now ... NOT! Yuck, gross!

There was grotesque mismanagement -- Wal-Mart. I had many similtaneous bosses with personal agendas. "I need you to go do this." Moments later a same-level boss would pull me from there to do another project, then another boss would pull me again, then a higher boss again. None of the projects got done and I got berrated by each of them.

Office Space: "Did you know that I have eight bosses Bob? Eight! If I make an error, I have eight people who come to tell me about it."

Service jobs -- necessary, but evil.

Hillcrest

TS got a job at a bowling alley, telling MR and I that they were still hiring, we got jobs there. What a pit! Ah, the job. We had the illustrious job of "porters", which was do-whatever-menial-job-there-was. Because of a limited level law at that time, the owner Schmitt could pay us less than minimum wage because we were students. I never did read this small ruling in its entirety, but suffice to say that since we were fully time students, he could pay us 15% less. He also made it great defying the curfew rules and times allowed for enrolled and attending high school students. One some evenings, we worked until 2 a.m. or so.
Anyway ... the 70s decorated bowling alley was our workplace for some time. These workers are supported by two separate but equally important groups: the management who moneys tons of money and the butthead patrons who make their working necessary and aggrivating. These are their stories. [synthesized xylophone sounds]

"We need more beer from the back! Go bring it to Terry!" The scene was tragic, there were empties everywhere. Hundreds of super-cheap (it isn't any more expensive now) Miller, Bud, and Pabst bottles were sitting dead on tables, their lives drained out of them. There was no time for a proper investigation. This one died of consumption, that one of a fatal fall from a table.
Anyway, The trick throughout the evening was to take the moutain of empties and repack them into the cases, then take the cases of empties to the cooler and retrieve the fresh cold ones for the bar. That was simple enough until you found out that with a 2-wheel dolly, you generally could take only 6 cases at a time and you had other work -- always. One of us came up with a stacking strategy for taking 13 cases precariously stacked on the dolly. This was bad news if you dropped a full one. I don't think any of us did. As for the empties ... there were accidents.
Porters walked around gathering the mess from the pigs known as league bowlers, ashtrays were to be cleaned out, empty anything to be picked up, for the trashcan sitting 12' away was clearly inaccessable to the lazy. As well as the general mess, there were calls when someone didn't know how to use the scoring terminal or the machines were a bit flakey or there was "deadwood", a pin in the gutter.
Deadwood -- I remember several times running down the strip of plastic to get the pin ... "Do not touch the gutter. Do not touch the lanes" I followed these rules for two reasons: boss would throw tantrum and worse still ... the bowlers would "blame bad luck on the mariner". This would make the evening terrible for any violator like terrible in number of calls for nothing, exaggerated mess in area and verbal abuse.
Some nights were better than others, like Thursday night, you'd think would be better than Friday, but no. There was a late night league that loved peanuts. Seyfert's (TM) league, no, but the Planters (tm) made an unbelievable mess every week. You'd think they'd grow tired of peanuts. Not every lane had them, but three did and the gluttons greedily gobbled them, then dropped them onto the floor like then-restaurant Ground Round, or today's Lone Star or Logan's or Texas Roadhouse. If anyone would notice, those places have solid wood floors with a hard wax finish. You'd think that the floor to ceiling carpeting would be a clue there, but not to them.
They were one of the reasons that the porters had to be there late because they were pickled and could barely talk, let alone bowl. Many of the bowlers would chug the cheap beer (tap was especially profitable for the bar --- plastic cups of cheap draft). Many of the bowlers would finish bowling then go to the bar to drink more ... yes, please do. That sitting, waiting for your turn, really burned up calories.

As with any sevice job, I could write about the nastiness of perpetually cleaning. I never entered the fast food industry, which would have been even grimier. I can mention that when you mix old food, new food, greasy food, beer, soda (way old to fresh -- fountain tended to be more syrupy than from the can), cigarettes, cigars, oil, and cleaning chemicals; you get a wonderful toxic-level stench that churns anyone's stomach. It was foul, sweet, acidic ... road kill has a more tolerable odor. When the trash was loaded, then compacted (steps are repeated) until this lump of goo is in a bag, you had to trek through the alley to pitch it in the dumpster.
"Eeww! That's gross." "Get rid of that!" "Why do you have to bring that over here?" -- a few idiotic responses from the populace. After reaching the self-locking door, the trick was to prop it open, take the leaking bag to the dumpster and put it inside. The trash was collected on a Saturday, so on Friday, the dumpster had a week of grime. Several times I wore some of the charcoal gray puke-inducing liquid on my shirt, trying to push the bag on top of the dumpster. MR and I were working one night and I had my fill of much of anything. The bag was around 80 pounds and I didn't want to wear it. I angrily threw it up, but it completely missed the dumpster, splatting 5' from target. MR was holding the door -- we had 2 mintues until we could leave.
"Hey! Did you see those vandals?" "Vandals?" "Yeah! They messed up the trash!" MR got my anaalogy.
MR got the great eye-opening adventure of "someone made a mess in the stall". According to MR, it was fecal painting without direction. It was smeared throughout. I'm not sure if MR quit that day or not. If it wasn't that day, it was soon after.
Carpeting ... floor to floor, wall to wall. Why carpeting? It keeps the noise down, but also hoardes odors. If you think vaccuuming the floor will get rid of the smoke smell, you are wrong! Cheap Schmitt never replaces the air filters. So, one day, after 6 years of non-replacement, he was forced to replace them after a failed inspection. He shed tears about the price of the filters. The old ones were as sold as concrete, packed full of smoke, lint, dirt, dust, mess. The little ecosystem never knew it was going to be evicted.
That was also a time when they had cigarette machines. Does that make me old ... yes! I know that they had a vending sign indicating sales to minors, but that was if you bothered to read it. Anytime I got home from work --- despite the showering, I never felt or was ever really clean. Staying up til 2 working, then going to school -- not smart!
While there I met many a different character ... like Bonnie, who was a 30 some year old illiterate woman who wanted to molest me. I was naive, but smart enough to get out of it. Had I been wiser, I probably would have agreed. I know that she was illiterate because she read (MR do not elaborate on this name, please) a name as a month. She also read, minitures as, "mini-watch-es".
There was the bubble-headed bleach blonde than came on at five. She could tell you about being a virgin with a gleam in her eye. It's interesting that Schmitt finally died. (That job) gave me dirty laundry. BTW: I understand that Schmitt was a dealer and his son, more so. Hi son took over the business, the alley was an effective front, but the son I think was more open about it. The girl -- curvey, blonde, empty-headed, was hotly pursued by many, but was with one of the desk guys. His brother would have jumped on her if he thought he could have. This same guy, very rude ... would see a hot or reasonably attention-getting woman then make pounding noises under the desk, as though he were ____bating.
There was L Beaucheon who was a dippy guy who lived out north (see a later post)
Kristie, who was a 14 year-old naive little girl, who TS pursued and "got". Although there was only a four year difference in age -- the developemental and emtional difference was significant. MR found her immaturity to be laughable, such as an unfamiliarity with the term, "bought the farm", and a couple of other more typical phrases. She was 14 and should have been allowed to stay on the vine a bit longer.

to be continued

-- for clarification, in prior posts I mentioned that I met MR and TS in middle school.