Picking my nose

When I was picking my nose with a shotgun, I heard a loud sound. There wasn't a lot of damage done, for the gun was then empty and my mind always was. The sad thing ... I longed for another shot.

"No put [the gun] in your mouth. It might go through your ear and come out the other side."

"Wait. What are you doing?"
"We're going to empty your mind, much like we would empty your pocket."
"Please don't. I've spent my life trying to fill it."
"Begin."

"Get a brain you morans!"

"The greatest thing about Nigel is that he's almost completely stupid."

"You feel this? That's sawdust they put in there after the surgery. They removed part of my brain!"

If you spent your time trying to find the quotes ... you have too much time on your hands.