As well as the link to the family blog, I must add my commentary above and beyond all that.
I have absolutely money. I, little drummer boy, have no gift to bring, so I fell back on what parcel of anything I can do -- art and writing. I made cards this year, using stencil printouts, box-knife cutting, biblical research and authoring unique wishes and love to my family. In the end, I always find fault in my work -- skeptical and critical of even me. I look at the cards -- 2nd grade, I see and think to myself. They are a little better than than perhaps, maybe second semester 2nd grade.
My letters of intent, interest and my resume's have brought nothing but dispair to me. Christmas Eve I spent nearly high from art fumes and I haven't had time and made time for friends on this short "break time" for most on this important part of the year.
God knows I'm sad and I've little laughter in a week. Christmas for me is about giving -- surrendering what I cannot give, the joy others get strengthens me for months. Now, I have nothing. I have given what I can, knowing that I won't suddenly feel like magic. I'm an actor anymore -- feigning happiness and joy. I do thank God for friends, family and what I do have, but can't help being angry about what basic things I need and want -- a job and the money and responsibilty that comes with it.
While writing this, a little spot of niceity -- Christmas 2006 at MR's. I wasn't there, but Dave pasted me in anyway. I am in dispair, with happy thoughts that my Mom isn't in hospital now as she had spent months there this year and that Father is not battling cancer yet again.
I can think of only one worse Christmas and that was in Wisconsin -- lost, helpless, hopeless, friendless, (though I had a job), in a place as cold as Greenland.
I'm having trouble using the word, "like" anymore for there is little to attribute to it.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
One Christmas
May you have a great Christmas and New Year!
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1 comment:
"It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
I recommend that you enroll in this coming semester, using funds borrowed from your folks or your savings to renew your teaching certificate. Try to get classes that won't interfere with an 8-5 job, but if you can't avoid it, I'm sure employment will change everything anyhow. It doesn't have to be IPFW, it can be Ivy Tech if that saves money. After you've done that, you'll either have two jobs, one steady job that you'd rather do instead of teach, or you'll be able to teach and earn income while you continue looking for a new job. This also reopens the "hope," although it hasn't happened in the past, that you could be hired as a teacher permanently. You've heard the term any port in a storm? Well, teaching is your port. Unless you've got some very good reason why you can't go back to it.
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