things not to do when living in Midwest

making plans consistent with the weather is folly
leaving windows open during spring -- I did that last night and found a very wet car, nice
expecting grand, sweeping political changes ... not likely
hoping for grand adventure or wonderous skiing (if you live in MI, IL, most of OH, KY, TN, IN, IA) and you'll be disappointed
also, expecting neat new fashions (not that I'd ever care) unless you live in Chicago, is well ... wishful thinking
taking a job in manufacturing is vocational suicide -- work for 12 years anywhere and then be laid off then fired
speak well -- too many locals ask you, "Where are (or 'is') you from?"