Silent Non-fiction

I'm blind to many things, but not to weakness ... pain. Star Trek had a character known as an empath who took the misery and suffering (physical damage also) of others so that they could live. In a quick view on Google, there is such a term. Sadly, I don't subscribe to the concepts of psychics, so I am not ... an empath.

I am, however, suffering under hero complex, trying to help many -- even those unwilling to help themselves. No matter how cavalier that might be -- it would be to my own death I would go, were I to brave others' demons, knightly as Sir Drinksalot or Sir Notdealinginreality.

In my mind, I house the multitude of sufferings of others that they have confided in me. I take in their stories ... sufferings, and am the repository. Loss, pain, suffering, regret ... all mine now. I am a good listener and am not too far off base when "sensing" someone carrying pain yet undisclosed.

I have my own history of vile, but it is the suffering of others that I carry like Marley's chains. I see good in people, but too often pain is more visible. I am, regrettably a negative person, for I carry more of it than positive. Rather than a sponge soaking up angst, I'd rather be a talented carpenter who repairs and restores.

I am enduring; a veteran boxer who takes a beating and gets up before the final count. I am happiest when I am able to bypass the traffic of downtown ... finding a route that, with observation, is pretty even if desolate -- missing people, plants ... still there is the son (sun).

I know that I do good for some. My only wish now is to have a job where I can assuredly pay my bills.

Others suffer ... I just get to hear ... watch, and as it is the past ... do nothing
they should seek help
they leave their luggage with me (baggage)
hopefully they get relief
if they are smart, they'll leave their baggage, remembering what it was, but not wanting it back
.....
I once wanted to be the weapon --- slaughterer, the beast, conqueror, Gozar, but that is the work of evil, of Satan
smiting with the failings of a human, passions of a mortal, blinded by selfishness clearly is not my purpose, my being

so ... my vision isn't clear on evil ... I can't find evil lurking in the shadows always

I can find pain

to console others

get them to work through their pain

grow

I exist for this

The work is long, hard, and grueling. Mike Rowe has dirty jobs, I have to worry about stains on my soul. God willing may I be but a catalyst to healing never losing myself