ebb and flow of chronic madness

allergies: reactions to environmental factors, either developmental or congenital. Through habituation, toxins can either build up or be more easily blocked by genetic factors, metabolic adaptations or time-specific changes. Alcohol, for well-seasoned drinkers has a smaller symptomatic affect, whereas intermittant or non-drinkers react, in accordance to their specific absortions and metabolism, more dramatically and generally faster. Moreover, environmental factors, unrelated to voluntary consumption, is more critical to address.

In my experience I have a few notable strong allergies. Fully recognizing them and identifying symptomology and characteristic changes took many years better understand. First: smoke, addressing first smoke from cigarettes. I would surmise that tobacco itself is a key allergy for me, but more over, the many, many chemicals consistant with cigarettes (I presume American -- as I don't think I've had much experience otherwise) either sigularly or in combinations with themselves or environmentally -- higher oxygen or nitrogen levels, etc.

My primary reactions and sympotomology to exposure are: sinus pressure (I believe habituation has prompted my body to predictable responses such as accelerated mucus production), over-stimulation of salavary glands, tear ducts, and generalized shortness of breath. Certainly not to test this hypothosis, but rather out of sheer stupidity, I tried smoking a cigarette several times. I was told I was not doing it right, for I was not breathing in the smoke, but rather leaving it puffed out like oral-borne halitosis. I took a, and only one, puff inhalation. I found out then what nastiness was. I thought eating bugs would be finer. I turned green, spit gray into the sink for 3 solid minutes. I had an instant headache and was thereafter nausiated. Wow! I could could have tried that until I got over that period of habituation ... no thanks.
I also tried smoking a pipe, which I did choose for the reasons of stupidity, fond memories of my uncle's pipe smoking (it had a nice aroma) and because it was less foul smelling than cigarettes. I also was not inclined to inhale the smoke. This produced some interesting, but longer lasting effects. I had an impaired voice for 8-18 hours after exposure. I had mildly-blurred vision for 4-6 hours. My sense of taste was negliable. Despite drinking gallons of water (yes gallson, for through habitiuation I am able to drink 1.5 liters in one long drink), my thirst was never quenched. Because my vision was faulty, my coordination was at fault as well. My smoking days were thankfully short-lived, being around 9-14 months.

Alcohol, another common toxin, with which I have had much experience I can list any number of reactions that are (apart from over-indulgence yielding vomitting and dehydration):
two beers (24 oz total) -- general sleepiness
tequilla straight -- aggression (free-floating anger)
wine -- giddiness, hyperactivity (geometic escalation)
rum -- like wine, but expotential ascalation
schnapps -- restlessness, dehydration, non-cognitive responses
kaluha -- hyperactivity, aggression, non-cognitive responses
sherry -- non-cognitive responses, sleepiness, unemotive rude responses
mead -- like wine, but to a lesser degree, mixed with sinus pressure and capillary spams

Many peopel over the globe love chocolate. I'm sure, at some point I loved it too. Perhaps more importantly, I recognized my allergy to this. It affects me much like some people react to cocaine -- mild euphoria mixed with hyperactivity, impulsivity, at times -- rudeness and aggression with little/no provocation. For this reason, I do not partake in chocolate, as it doesn't mix with company. Secondary reactions to this are cranio-facial muscular "tics", regional capillary spams, adrenaline overexpression, tunnel-vision diminshment of olfaction and delay of auditory simuli.

As for my general madness, I account for it by adatption to environmental, both voluntary and involuntary consumption / exposure and asocial psyche, denying rationale behind avoidance. Moreover, acceptence of general delusional feelings, auto-developed and chemical specific. Simply stated: I learned to cope with reality and fiction (reality with toxins) in a self-preserving way, so that self-preservation was foremost above conscious of others.

Now, reflecting, I can see (20/20) the many asocial responses that have developed me into what I was and am. I, hopefuly am developing new responses and reactions to reality more consistent with social cognition, than that of perfunctory and impulsive ones. It's strange then, that I, an immoral and asocial person, should choose a profession that would require those traits that I have chosen -- so many years -- to deny and abolish within myself.

[in comes the tide of sanity -- surely to go out again]