Gradually degenerating into ignorance and complacency.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Well, I have chances but none of them pay enough for the change in venue. Either I would spend my money on housing or in gas. The most recent -- rate would not likely change for a year and it doesn't start high either.

I was gonna pay my bills but then they got high.

I have felt like Job from the bible, tempted to curse God almighty for my afflictions. Job loved God, never wavered. I can't claim such. I need money care of a job. I don't want a nothingness at-home job. I want to work. I want to go to work, earn money, pay bills. That really shouldn't be that much to ask.

As I have been unlucky in cards (jobs), I have been very lucky in LOVE. I don't mean to imply that I am playing a game or that I am a player, but rather, God has blessed me in many other ways.

Life is like Tetris I suppose. You get all the right pieces, not always timely or in the right order and sometimes you have to turn them, but with planning and patience they fit together and form solid foundations.

I claim to like challenge, but in this money issue, I cannot falter. I despise not having money to pay bills. I want to be responsible and pay what is due -- but with what?

Love -- I have never felt so loved. There was a time when I was impoverished, destroyed, and I was brought back from that void. Now, I am broken but I have a heartbeat. I have a love. I am not so down as I have a love who calls me by name. I love her!