swimsuit wedgie

swimsuit wedgie
Originally uploaded by MDH, II.

Man do I hate wedgies! Aparently cartoon characters get them too. Man I wish I could sleep!

labeling my house

Well, it isn't my house and I shouldn't keep explosives, but if I did ... this would be the way to go. That way, in case anyone wanted TNT, dynamite, gasoline, dry gun powder or anything like that, it would be there. I keep it tucked away in the woods. Certainly nothing could go wrong.

pardom me now, while I pee me pants with laughter

Wanna B Ur Lovr
by Al Yankovic

Lyrics:

I don't have a library card
But do you mind if I check you out?
I like your skeletal structure, baby
You're an ectomorph, no doubt

Your face is real symmetrical
And your nostils are so nice
I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl
So I could see you twice

Girl, you smell like Fritos
That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
You're so hot, you're gonna melt
The elastic in my underwear

I'll bet you're magically delicious
Like a bowl of Lucky Charms
You'd look like Venus de Milo
If I just cut off your arms
What I'm tryin' to say is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

Do you believe in love at first sight
Or should I walk by again?
My love for you'd like diarrhea
I just can't hold it in

Stop, drop and roll now
'Cause baby, you're on fire
I'll bet your outfit
Makes a lot of noise in the drier

You're absolutely perfect
Don't speak now, you might spoil it
Your eyes are even bluer
Than the water in my toilet

Say, has anyone ever told you
You've got Yugoslavian hands?
No, of course not, that would be stupid
Just forget I ever brought it up
The point I'm trying to make is ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

I wanna be your Krakatoa
Let my lava flow all over you
I wanna be your anaconda
And your heat-seeking missile too

I wanna be your beef burrito
Am I making this perfectly clear?
I wanna be your love torpedo
Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?
Uh huh

I hope I'm not being forward
But do you mind if I chew on your butt?
You can tell me truthfully
Am I a steamin' hunk of love now, or what?

There just aren't enough o's in "smooth"
To desribe how smooth I am
Maybe you've seen my picture
It's in the dictionary under "Kablaam!"

My lips are registered weapons
Can I invade your personal space?
You must have fallen from heaven
That would explain how you messed up your face

Well, how'd you get through security?
'Cause, baby, you're the bomb
I'd like to take you home right now
So you can meet my mom
Because I ...

I wanna be your lover, baby
I need somebody to love
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby
Now, I need somebody to love

Girl, you must be Jamaican
Because Jamaican me crazy
Girl, you must be Jamaican (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Because Jamaican me crazy (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo)
Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)

Where the questions lead to questions

Which word can you eliminate ?
Car
Plane
Bike
Boat
....

[car: because it has a short vowel; bike: because it is not motorized; boat: because it doesn't have wheels]

 ....

If you buy 3 trousers worth 23€30 each with a 50€ note, how much change are you left with?
13,1€
12,2€
14,6€
11,3€

....

[are these Euros?  I see 23.30 * 3 =  69.90 which won't result in change for a 50]

....

Solve the following analogy :
LAVA is to VOLCANO what WATER is to ?
freeze
mountain
valley
chimney
source
lake

...

[typical response is lake, but a volcano doesn't technically contain the lava.  Clouds would be a better choice here.  Source would be good, but there's the lack of definition]

...

Please mark the word not matching the others :
Whale
Shark
Herring
Dolphin
Pike

....

[whale is a common answer for it is a mammal -- please note that there is a dolphin fish, also common would be pike for it is a freshwater fish as opposed to oceanic; shark would work because they are only jaws, no other bones]

....

This shape was turned over upside-down, then swivelled, what is the result ?

....

["swiveled"?  What's swiveled?]

...

Which is the missing drawing ?

...

[I met my match here]

...

Find the word written in the direct direction (of the needles of a watch) as well as the missing letter :

...

["written in direct direction", you're losing me here -- not a clue]

...

Which shape does not match the others ?
Circle
Cube
Triangle
Square
Rhombus

....

[cube is 3 dimensional; circle has no sides and not vertices]

...

Which face part does not match the others ?
Eye
Ear
Cheek
Nose
Eyebrow

...

[there is a hinted symmetry here; Whoopi Goldberg would fail -- nose (one); eyebrow typically considered hair is a non-feature]

...

Which word does not match the others ?
Copper
Tin
Iron
Bronze
Lead

...

[bronze is an alloy, of course; lead not used in weapon usage but doesn't corrode (and floats like great gravy)

....

 

Confessions of a reader

I started getting this 7 years ago and am not disappointed in receiving it.

The director's perspective has interesting factoids on African Americans and HIV prevalence. One might assume that to maintain a same-mass/volume brain, one should heavily abuse and use Crystal Meth while infected with AIDS. No, not really. I think, end game, don't use drugs, don't get AIDS--as if you needed to be told. Some of the work on cigarette addiction, basis and differences in men and women are fascinating. Worth a read and free online, I'm not sure where you subscribe to the printed version.

Scoring 50.4

Duh ... dat makes me schtoopid! IQ test.

Shame for Sale

Unabomber auction? What the heck is that? Oh, boy! A used, unremarkable knife next to another used unremarkable knife. Typewriter and paper, having a value of $22 to someone, somehow becomes super valuable because a serial bomber used it. I guess if I had AIDS, I could become a crime boss and my loved ones could sell off my belongings for high profit, while I die or after I die -- hopefully in a blaze of glory as opposed to a slow, withering, agonizing death. This, I think, sets a bad presidence.

James Potty (revised)

James Potty wanders down the stairs to find a woman tied up naked on a mattress. He response is quick and dimwitted.

using keyword elimination

Career Builder's keyword elimination didn't work -- at least what I tried. "Bullcrap" does not filter out bad jobs.