game with obvious task

game: kill everything

My sister sent me this

I highlighted the funner parts. Sadly, this is our taxes dollars and private funding here folks. I suppose the followup report that the fish had a "favorite" position, the fish-style?
The news was shown on Earthlink.

job posting

We are seeking a doctor. The doctor doesn't have to have a mastery of English, because we surely don't.

"Finster! How many times have I told you not to play with knives, and guns, and brass knuckles, and ..."

Type-crash dummies?

Gettin your xyxyxyxy a10shun I types good, c?

While the letters break up the pattern of listing after listing, it makes you look moronic.

Worth the votes

Now we vote in 2010, right?

drinking yields mastery of silly walks

I suppose if you had enough of these you could excel any silly walk without the government grant, though John Cleese might still give you "a run for your money".

Thanks ISJ for sending this to me!

Faceplantbook

Kaboom!

Thank you John McPherson of Close To Home for this cartoon!

protection battle

My sister, some time ago, had some issues on her computer. I ran a virus scan on Norton, then downloaded and ran a Spyware Doctor scan. I would and do use them both, but clearly on the Virus Protection Deathmatch, Spyware Doctor found many more and I would rate more effective this time.

You know the rules, when the mouse clicks, come out fighting computer problems.

Yes, please -- shut up!

Keanu and much of Hollywood. Would you please, please, please shut up?

If you are chatting with oppressive governments, especially shut up!

Oh Mama!

We need oversight and we need to put lawyers to work. The road will be fixed as soon as more bills are examined by our professionals who specialize in skimming through law and passing law when it pays them.

Obama, you approved this? Well, Democrats, what have you got to say for yourselves?

We received your payment of $100 Trillion. Unfortunately, the bill to keep us in the style of living to which we have grown accustomed is much higher. If you would like auto bill pay monthly for $10 Trillion, please sign up on our website: goldenparachutes-ucktheworkers.com

owned

Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!
The funniest things are true!

I am now free, but I was owned before. I guess that makes me pre-owned.

Missing

My mind, for I have posted something without reading. Thank you MR for correcting me on this error.

google video chat

Late night chat:

Well, I like google video chat. It works just fine. Tawnya and I chatted last night and as you can see she showed her lovely grin and twinkling eyes. This afternoon I did a screen capture, but somehow I stupidly replaced that on the clipboard with some text -- so I lost her talking with me after her haircut. She looked very pretty and I let her know.

The - in the corner is where my video PIP would be, but I minimized it to concentrate on her.

She is clothed, it just looks like she isn't.

answering MR's question

I was holding up a peace sign after drinking Captain Morgan with Pepe Le Pew showing who is stinkin' drunk.

about 1 hour away

If by one hour away you mean hours and hundreds of miles away. Did you guys enter anything right in the job description? Did you know that sometimes cities with the same names of different states aren't really close?

I would liken this to Broadway. Broadway, NYC is much different than Broadway in my town.

Easter, thumper

Happy, uh, Easter?

no thanks to you

Well, I tried to help some place look better, English error, with a comment, but I got this instead. Sheesh! "No respect; no respct at all!"+

+ Rodney Dangerfield

OK, I'm a bit of a whiner

I am a poo-poo head. Thanks to "Star Wars: Lost Hope" for the original picture. This is Anikan, but I think I'm a bit more of a whiner today.

LARGER

Minute after minute, hour after hour, I ain'ts got no will, my tummy gots da power! Wow, watch Notorious and experience the many deadly sins.
Gluttony
Greed (repeat)
Gluttony (repeat ten times)
Throw in envy, pride and lust.

"... your [sandwich ate] up in a Brooklyn basement"
"escargot, my butt go unquickly, not swiftly"
"chew run, run, run, a chew gum gum"

Biggie, biggie, biggie can't you see the way eat dun terrify me
I just hate those cheap hot wings days ...
Guess that's why yo iz fat, eatin' tweny-four hour dayz

If you ever read his lyrics ... surprised he lived as long as he did.

to get the truth

Some agents might have a way to obtain the truth from Blagojevich. We just need to approach this from another angle. This will record everything that he does.

smokin' on thesmokinggun.com

Phelps, nice work. OK, he probably writes better than he speaks, but ... POT is a hell of a drug.

enough with the shock vids, please

I don't know what I was searching on YouTube, but there were reactions to 2 guys 1 horse. It was obvious from the title what would likely happen. Thankfully the horse was not assaulted during the video. Overall, it wasn't the most graphic video, but it was gross.

In the end, I suppose that I would have to ask, "Why? Why film it?" It might be important to note that the background guy wasn't "biologically interested" at the time of the event. You would think that if you were going to do that, you might be keen on the operation, right?

With this, I believe that I can safely type that the genre should be completely dead, please.

problems

My car wouldn't start. Oh, man! I called the shop and they predicted, not seeing the car, that it was the starter and it would be around $200. Ouch! I had to call a tow truck to get it there.

I cannot overstate this: "GET an AAA Chicago Motor Club Membership". I have gone through a lot of miles with two cars breaking down.

The tow driver pulled the car up the ramp and popped my tire. The company, likely later the driver, then is responsible for getting me a new tire. I got to the shop late and the owner had a critical question: "Is that a 2.7 [liter engine]?" He reported that the 2.7L engines were junk and he had lots of them sitting, broken, unusable. Thankfully, I have a 3.2L, which is "less of a problem".

Yoikes!

late entry for birthday

Joshua, according to Jeff, chose Biaggi's for his birthday dinner.

Overseas, other there to here

It's been to China ... or rather, it started in China and came here. HP, you order 'em, they'll build 'em.

not pampered in the least

There is a dog, while old and need of support sometimes for his weak legs, is granted an unusual diet. He has dinner prepared for him, but not just any meal. He won't eat kibble, oh no. He requires special food. His humans make him food that has to taste like people food. He even gets picky about the spices. It has to smell and taste like people food, so it gets a bit of spices too.

not in the slightest

grin says it again

Joshua's birthday cake grin

It works

I have tried many anti-antiperspirants. Mostly, they keep my less-stinky but I still sweat. This stuff actually works for a long, long, long time. I put some on and the next morning it was still there, keeping the shower's water off my skin. If you sweat strong, try this -- it's stronger. Man! It isn't too much more per ounce than other Old Spice.

Bill too high

A family member got a phone bill. It was $1250.43. Can you say or scream, "AAGGGGHHH!!"? Good golly. Well, they went over minutes, on a large scale. At 40 cents per minutes, that added up quickly. Well, the bill-handling family member got frantic and called the phone company and tried to lower that thing to real numbers. Oh, boy!

Texas Hillbilly Shoots Two Bigfoots!

Sass-Kwa-ch! We dun shoots it.

spam grade

I think I will begin to grade the spam that I get.

click ... working

Thanks Gmail, it's trimmer, thinner, finer, faster. Google personnel, you have made improvements. Congratulations!

Next award goes to

Oh boy! He's done such an outstanding job this year as a person, a whole new award gets created. It's the golden ass award, also called the Christian Bale. For accosting his mother, accosting random people on a set, his dedication to be a less-tator than dic, Bale has earned this award.

I thought Tom Cruise was a nutcase, but Bale clearly demonstrates his acting ability on film. You'd never think of what an ass he is in real life. What an actor's actor!

Well, that's my *****, of course

The world used to be relevant to my penis. Now it is relevant to henrynaruto9's penis. Yes, there was a time when everything found on the Earth and in the universe could be considered to be my penis. What's that huge building called, "my penis". What's that, uh, a manatee? "No, it's my penis." Later on people would suggest that they knew what I was thinking and that [insert noun here] was clearly my penis.

just the pictures

These are pictures from an old health book on home first aid. I think you can make great captions for them yourself. I will submit just a few. Uh, too easy

When he won't give you the money ...

Mommy isn't pregnant . . . and neither are you little girl.

Truth or Dare. Maybe you should try, "truth" next time.

I have chosen the worst possible reading position. I shall also impair my reading with this stern look closing my eyes.

Boy, the exorcism took much of Mommy's Tupperware Party time. It looks like some one's in trouble.

You're young, the machines are big and odd looking. Yes, Virginia, you will be scared.

It's OK. Everyone your age is getting an earring. You say your day is a Village person?

Whoa! You sold your kidney? Maybe next time they'll take it out from the correct side.

So you see, Jill, we can't release you until ....
Good . . . cough, whoa. OK, you're G. I. tract is working now.

Melinda found this really made getting pregnant tough.

We found this, you called it incense ash, in your bedroom Betty. Could you explain it? It doesn't smell like incense.

"Lava Boy, on the other hand ..."
"This is how Mommy keeps her weight down. Come on, in a few years it will be a piece of cake. Oh, did I say cake? Mommy will be binging and purging that tonight, for sure!"

"You know how you are on long trips Timmy. Sniff this like last time and we''ll be half-way there before you know it."

I after E except when it's thee

Spelling ... it's actually automated in most programs. You should try using it.

Old artists graded

circa 15th century
Mary, mother of God is seen being hit by a stream of light. Huh. So, there she was in the lower floor of the two-story manger in beautiful and ornate Nazareth. Oh, wait, maybe that is when the angel of the Lord blessed her with child, while the very early wise men are at her door.

F. If you aren't going to paint it right, you aren't getting paid.

Ah, lovely freakihsly white Mary, I'll let that go, is with child. For all the world to see Jesus ... what is that thing? Why is that guy there? Look, if you can't paint a dog, don't try. What a mess! You had a great thing here and you botched it!

F. You can pick up your coupon for a free order of fritas on the way out.

So, you even drew the king wondering what the heck that was. Yeah, that was about my first question when I looked at your work here. Let's see, you spent all the money in the first three months and spent the next five months in a bottle and you finally submit this very late and disastrous work.

F! Fired! You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

These are sometimes accredited as being evidence of UFOs and E.T.s. Consider it from a purchaser's POV. You commission a painting of an important event or person and you get oddball crap.