One Christmas

As well as the link to the family blog, I must add my commentary above and beyond all that.

I have absolutely money. I, little drummer boy, have no gift to bring, so I fell back on what parcel of anything I can do -- art and writing. I made cards this year, using stencil printouts, box-knife cutting, biblical research and authoring unique wishes and love to my family. In the end, I always find fault in my work -- skeptical and critical of even me. I look at the cards -- 2nd grade, I see and think to myself. They are a little better than than perhaps, maybe second semester 2nd grade.

My letters of intent, interest and my resume's have brought nothing but dispair to me. Christmas Eve I spent nearly high from art fumes and I haven't had time and made time for friends on this short "break time" for most on this important part of the year.

God knows I'm sad and I've little laughter in a week. Christmas for me is about giving -- surrendering what I cannot give, the joy others get strengthens me for months. Now, I have nothing. I have given what I can, knowing that I won't suddenly feel like magic. I'm an actor anymore -- feigning happiness and joy. I do thank God for friends, family and what I do have, but can't help being angry about what basic things I need and want -- a job and the money and responsibilty that comes with it.

While writing this, a little spot of niceity -- Christmas 2006 at MR's. I wasn't there, but Dave pasted me in anyway. I am in dispair, with happy thoughts that my Mom isn't in hospital now as she had spent months there this year and that Father is not battling cancer yet again.

I can think of only one worse Christmas and that was in Wisconsin -- lost, helpless, hopeless, friendless, (though I had a job), in a place as cold as Greenland.

I'm having trouble using the word, "like" anymore for there is little to attribute to it.

May you have a great Christmas and New Year!

without a driver

My sister called last night. She was at her in-laws and there was a computer problem. The DSL, which worked just 3 days ago, didn't work. I was on speakerphone and talked about the issues. They then mentioned the sound also died. That, I knew was linked. The drivers were the issue. When they opened the device manager -- it listed nothing. The in-laws had no system discs. Yep ... hosed. One of their sons, I think Mike, was going to get his XP disc and try to get it to recover XP. I mentioned also that there was likely a bug on the systemt that they needed to kill with any number of virus protection softwares.

I know not how it is now.

Down to three options

It has been months since I have had work. I have applied everywhere. I have been promised calls, even if they were, "no, thanks", I'd want it.

I haven't signed any papers, but I saw that I essentially had three choices:
death,
military,
teaching abroad.

I didn't really want death, have no interest in committing to four years to go abroad and kill people, so I am down to teaching students abroad. Sadly, Canadians speak English, so I wouldn't be moving there or to England. If accepted, I would be in Korea.

This is where I wonder what God's plan for me is. Surely, I would have had one place call to express interest, other than sales jobs. With the bleakness of my situation, I wondered if I could sell insurance, or financial advice, but I can't. In doing figures for an insurance job, I am of a negative value ... no assets and quite a bit of liability. In order to sell, you have to have prospects (potential buyers) and I don't have those.

If I do not get a job offer soon, I will have to take this opportunity. It pays enough that I can pay my bills and secure away a little. The company would provide a furnished apartment.

"Tell me spirit. Are these the things that will be, or might be only."